Artist

Shattered Sun have kicked off their tour with Testament and Exodus. As the band continues to tour in support of their latest album, 'Hope Within Hatred,' which is out now via Victory Records, they will be blogging about their experiences for Revolver. Watch their lyric video for "Hope Within Hatred" at the bottom of the post.

Entry by guitarist Daniel Trejo.

Heading out from our practice pad in Alice, T.X. We are getting ready for a 27 hour drive to San Francisco. Let me say, packing a 15 passenger with nine dudes and one merch girl is pretty time consuming. So, as we travel along, at about 8 mpg, every stop takes a good awhile. So in saying all of this, a 27 hour drive turned into 36 hours in a van. After frying our breaks on the grapevine and getting overpriced at a hotel, we head to Testament's rehearsal space, and FUCK, they have a lot of gear and lights. We got to meet with the band and talk gear with Eric Peterson and Alex Skolnick. We spent the night at Chuck Billy's house and saw tons of memorabilia on the walls. The tour began in San Francisco at the Regency Ballroom, which is a killer venue but shitty parking if you're in a van and trailer. Our driver drove around for two hours because of that. I would have to say from living in south T.X., that SF crowd is intense. But after hearing two large pizzas were $75, you're like, "What happened to two large for $20??"

The first night was a good one. Zetro from Exodus said, "Just go out there and kill 'em all." He said, "There's going to be haters, so grab your dick, and say 'fuck you!'" which hyped us up. Right before we went on, Chuck came out and said, "Kill it" and my reply back was "Into the Pit" as we walked out to the stage. After an intense performance and having eyes all on you, we all watched how Exodus and Testament got set up right before they played. Shared some beers with Gary Holt and cheered Phil Demmel before Exodus went on. Got to see how Eric Peterson got ready before stage which is pretty fucking metal as he shredded and looked fucking metal just thrashing away. Watching both bands on stage was killer and seeing their crew work was sick. After a kickass show from both bands and a lot of beer, we went backstage and hung out with Jonny Z and Marsha Z. We got to hear a lot of stories about how Metallica would drink 'em all under the table and how Testament opened up for Overkill, which were all very cool stories to hear. They said, "Do your thing and don't worry. People will start to follow. Once the CD comes out on there's going to be a lot more people singing the songs and raging to them." So we said our goodbyes as we loaded up and got ready for an eight hour drive to LA. Another adventure unfolds as we head to House of Blues.

Alesana recently kicked off their headlining tour with Capture the Crown, The Browning, Conquer Divide, and The Funeral Portrait. As the band continues to tour in support of their latest album, 'Confessions,' which will be released via Revival Recordings on April 21, they will be blogging about their experiences for Revolver. Watch their lyric video for "Oh, How the Mighty Have Fallen" at the bottom of the post.

Entry by Shawn Milke.

Today Is: Sunday March 29, 2015
Where I Am: Raleigh, North Carolina, five days until The Confessions Tour begins.
Where I Am, Literally: Breakfast nook with my wife while our boys nap upstairs
Time of Day: 2:05 p.m.
What I Am Listening To: a record called 'Romance' by Tubelord

Welcome, one and all, to the first installment of a six-week blog series that I will be doing, very proudly, here at RevolverMag.com. I feel inclined to mention that Revolver has been a mainstay of support for Alesana during our career and we are extremely grateful for the care, consideration, and attention. It is a blessing to have had such an accredited media outlet behind us during our career. Okay, enough gushing. People are going to start staring.

For those of you who have read my blogs in the past, welcome back! To the newcomers, a bit about my approach. I do not write traditional tour blog entries. While I find no specific fault with the whole "Hey, here is what I ate today. Man, the show was so rad! I'm tired, I miss home" approach, it's just not my style. Let's just go ahead and assume that I will eat food, play shows, and miss home. If something of particular note happens within those dynamics, maybe I'll mention it. Maybe I won't. Who knows. I like for my blog entries to make you think. They will not be grand expositions on the meaning of life, or heated debates about politics or religion. Nothing like that. I just want to give you a little glimpse into the way my mind works and, hopefully, it gets your gears turning. My entries will be devoid of negativity, violence, or foul language. Again, not my style. Lastly, I always like to include something fun at the end and this time around I will be doing "The Mount Rushmore of ________". You can then feel free to tell me what an idiot I am and leave your refuting Mount Rushmore in the comments.

My topic this week is the idea of longevity. A pair of things happened in the couple of weeks leading up to this entry that sort of triggered a desire in me to rant. I say rant loosely because I'm not necessarily emotional or worked up over it. I'm just…stimulated. My case is divided into two parts.

Part One: 11 Years and Counting

This week Alesana released "Oh, How The Mighty Have Fallen," the first single from our fifth studio full length 'Confessions,' available April 21 via Revival Recordings. Shameless plugs aside, that is one hell of an accomplishment. Eleven years ago Patrick and I were just two dudes living in a warehouse in Baltimore, Maryland dreaming of what it would be like to make records people like and play shows all over the world. Beyond even my wildest dreams we are still doing that today, only now I am releasing the music on my own record label. In a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately industry that at most times is incredibly fickle, this is not something to ignore. Bands come and go with the seasons and, due entirely to our incredible core fan base, Alesana has stood the test of time and transcended generations.

At a show last fall a generous fan bought me a beer. We chatted for a couple of minutes and I came to learn that he saw Alesana play for the first time when he was 13. What was once a 13-year-old kid at his first rock and roll show was now a grown man spending time with me in a bar. At this very same show I had the pleasure of meeting a young fan at our VIP Meet & Greet. She was 13. Somehow, some way, Alesana has managed to maintain the loyalty of our oldest and dearest fans while still finding ways to reach out and attract entirely new generations of fans. My mind was blown.

I guess I had never really considered that possibility until that night. This experience, this dedicated following that just keeps growing and growing, is not happening by accident. There is not some four-leaf clover that we wished upon one day long ago. It is happening because we work hard, we believe in our art, and we treat our fans with positivity and respect. They are not but a mere part of our journey; they are our journey. It is a dance we have choreographed over time. Our approach has always been simple; Write what we love, play with our hearts, engage the fans who believe in us. Basically, if you don't like what you hear, take a hike. To quote the greatest movie of all time, 'Almost Famous': "We play for the fans, not the critics." The world of art is one with infinite possibilities, why pigeonhole yourself and conform to the desires of the disloyal? Not on my watch. Any and all recognition or accolades we have received, we have earned.

Part Two: Crying Piccolo Girl

Right around the time we were finishing up the mastering process for 'Confessions,' yet another Internet phenomenon began: Crying Piccolo Girl. For those of you who do not know who she is allow me to catch you up as quickly as I can because I refuse to give more than a few sentences to introducing this nonsense. The NCAA March Madness basketball tournament is currently taking place. I am from Philadelphia and therefore root for any Philadelphia colleges that happen to make the big dance. I am a Temple University fan, first and foremost, but with them not participating this year I put my rooting interests behind another Philadelphia school, Villanova University. By the second round they were ousted, ironically enough, by NC State, the university here in Raleigh. Disappointed? Sure. Upset? Nah. There was, however, one girl who seemed rather distraught and she has since become known simply as "Crying Piccolo Girl." Moments after the stunning defeat the cameras closed in on a girl in the Villanova University band and, spoiler alert, she plays the piccolo. Her school had just lost in very disappointing fashion and she, like many other students, was visibly upset. As she breathed her talented lungs into that piccolo the cameras caught several tears streaming down her face. Did I chuckle? Sure, maybe a little. Did I immediately take seven screenshots and post it from Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, MySpace, AOL Instant Messenger, ICQ, Friendster, and Playstation Network? GOOD GOD, NO. I mostly just sympathize with the girl. Losing is not fun, especially when you are emotionally invested.

Things that were once good for a fleeting gasp, or even one good, solid belly laugh, have now become fodder for hours and days worth of "entertainment." I say hours and days because that is exactly how long Crying Piccolo Girl lasted. She, like every Chocolate Rain and Black&Gold dress before her, is not offering anything that even resembles substance so she of course disappears into the abyss of "how did I ever find that funny?" I'm not trying to pooh-pooh the thing as a whole. When something is funny, we laugh. Laughing is fun. Maybe you tap the arm of your friend sitting next to you and say something to the affect of, "Hey, did you see that? That girl playing that flute, or whatever, is crying." Your friend then returns with, "Yeah, haha. Pretty funny." I would even be willing to bet that neither of you would actually be laughing during the exchange, like really laughing. Actual laughter. There is a difference between something being funny to the point of laughter and something being "haha." In fact, if you know someone who saw Crying Piccolo Girl and legitimately laughed please put me in touch. I have to know what they are seeing that I am missing. I would also be willing to bet that both of you posted something about it online and included some variation of a laughing emoji while claiming that you and your friend can't stop laughing. That makes us liars, or at the very least, exaggerators. And for what purpose? What end are we trying to accomplish with those means?

Its as if, as a society, we now have to like everything that everyone else likes for fear of being late to the party. Well, what if the joke was never funny to begin with? Do you know that Crying Piccolo Girl made an appearance on Jimmy Fallon? Read that again. Crying Piccolo Girl made an appearance on Jimmy Fallon. For what? For being upset that her school lost? For playing the piccolo? I am legitimately confused. Meanwhile, accomplishments worthy of our attention go unnoticed every single day. Breathtaking art gets shoved under the carpet because it doesn't matter to enough people, or won't draw in enough advertising to justify exposure. Yet, Crying Piccolo Girl somehow does. Congratulations, society, it is our fault.

We desperately need to shift our focus to noteworthy accomplishments, not only in art, but in all walks of life. Why do we lend more credence to, spend so much time with, a story like CPG and only give a passing glance to something as cool as, say, a band surviving the ups and downs of a capricious industry who's model is designed to recycle talent as earnestly and often as possible? I understand there is a difference between the depth and levity of the opposing stories, and sure it is fun to sometimes laugh at nothing at all. All I am asking is that we spend more energy balancing the two, find a place where each get to have the same platform.

Was Crying Piccolo Girl funny? Maybe. Did the video of Crying Piccolo Girl do anything to warrant a week in the spotlight? Absolutely not. Maybe we should stop spending so much of our time trying to "break the Internet" and more time paying attention to accomplishments that have earned our attention.

It is great to be back and I look forward to writing again next week. Until then, I give you my Mount Rushmore of Current Television Shows. Again, please share yours in the comments!

MOUNT RUSHMORE OF CURRENT TELEVISION SHOWS
'Game of Thrones'
'The Walking Dead'
'Better Call Saul'
'Mad Men'

Chris Krovatin is the author of multiple young adult novels, including Heavy Metal & You, Venomous, and Gravediggers: Mountain of Bones. He is a contributing writer for Revolver and generally comes off as a good-natured pain in everyone's collective ass. This column represents his opinions–and probably only his opinions.

Coal Chamber with Filter, Combichrist, American Head Charge

Monday, March 16th at Summit Music Hall, Denver, CO

Bizarre position to find oneself in: It's 2015 and I am going to see Coal Chamber on a Monday night.
Number of bands I was allowed to see on a Monday night when Coal Chamber first got huge: 0. School night. Remember school nights?
Streets walks today: Memory Lane, Nostalgia Avenue, Larimer.
Bands missed: American Head Charge. Fucking traffic.
Flashback: Seeing American Head Charge open for Slayer in…2002? They were pretty good. I'm pissed I've missed them.
Number of attractive women in the audience: A surpringly high one!
Never forget: Nu-metal was sexy and danceable, so the ladies liked it.
First up: Combichrist from Atlanta.
Sounds like: Pummeling industrial agro-metal.
Flashback: Seeing Godhead open for Marilyn Manson when I was fifteen. They weren't as good as Combichrist are, but they have a similar vibe.
Best song of the set: "What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?"
Number of times everyone in this room has been asked that question: I'd say an average of…12?
Mixed crowd of the night: The members of Combichrist. Look, there's the jacked agro singer, the black metal bassist, the goth guitarist, the bearded vested electronics guy, and the skinny core drummer!
Surprising fact: It works, actually. They all come together to just punch you over and over in the gut.
Pairs of huge pants witnessed: 102.
Best huge pants: This guy's Type O Negative-reminiscent green striped JNCOs.
Flashback: Seeing Dimmu Borgir at the Hard Rock Café when I was 16. Everyone had pants like this. Fucking Shagrath had pants like this.
Infuriating reminder: The lead singer of Combichrist thanks American Head Charge, and everyone cheers like crazy. Dammit, they must have been good. Dammit.
Thoughts before Filter take the stage: I hope they play "Everything's Fucked."
Subsequent realization: Wait, that's…who was that? Pitchshifter. Right.
Remaining question: So hold on…who were Filter again?
"Trip Like I Do": Oh holy shit, right! Man, that band was huuuge. 'Kerrang!' loved the shit out of that band.
Flashback: Listening to K-Rock on my little clock radio while doing my homework and hearing "Hey Man Nice Shot."
So, next up: Filter from Cleveland.
Sound like: Drugged-out hard pop straight out of 1997.
Odds that frontman Richard Patrick is deeply stoned: 3/1.
Best track I didn't know before tonight: "We Hate it When You Get What You Want." It's a new one, and was pretty cool.
Old-school stage move: Dangling off of the microphone stand while backlights blast at you. Man, everyone used to do that.
"You guys enjoy American Head Charge?": Everyone's losing their shit. Dammit.
Instant crush: Filter bassist Ashley Dzerigian.
Non-merch stand of the night: You can sign up to donate bone marrow? Yeah, fuck it!
Reason for signing up: I hear bone marrow cancer is fucking rough, and besides, it's kind of metal.
Coal Chamber tracks I'm hoping to hear: "Fiend," "Rowboat," and "Wishes."
Flashback: Hearing "Wishes" on the 'Scream III' soundtrack. Man, that soundtrack had problems.
Finally: Coal Chamber form California.
Sounds like: Mall goths with serious attitude.
Immediate observation: Damn, unlike a lot of their nu-metal contemporaries, Coal Chamber all look pretty good! No one's too fat or worryingly thin, and everyone is bringing their own thing to the band. I'm impressed!
Notable example: Damn, Nadja Peulen, you are killing it in this dress. [Nadja is in our Hottest Chicks In Hard Rock & Heavy Metal issue, on newsstands now! –Ed]
Chances Dez Fafara was going to come out in the old fishnet and mini-braids: Slim, especially in Denver. That dude is like Robb Flynn these days.
If given a choice between Coal Chamber or DevilDriver: I'd go with the latter, every time.
Mosh pit forecast: Heavy bouncing with flurries of shoving and hip-wiggling.
Favorite track played: Gotta be "Rowboat." It's all druggy and slow, and Dez is singing with a megaphone full of light bulbs. It's awesome. This is an example of the cool shit bands like this did in the early 2000s that has been somewhat lost.
Time home: One in the morning.
State upon waking: Stuffy, hungover, tickled to have seen Coal Chamber in 2015.
Flashback: That time I signed up for an extremely painful surgical donation process. At a Coal Chamber show. In 2015.

Hard-rock outfit Wilson are shitter aficionados. They've been rating toilets on the road for a while on their own blog, and now they're bringing their expertise to RevolverMag.com. The band is currently on the road with Halestorm and Nothing More, from whence they will be educating us on their various bathroom encounters. Here, singer Chad Nicefield drops blog No. 9.

Kerplunk!!! We landed in Dublin! At first I thought this was how all the thrones in Europe were going to look...but then, after I finished swimming in the black lagoon, I realized I was a jerk and accidentally used a handicapped turd hole. But fuck it, after 24 hours of traveling my bung pipes were in dire need of this kind of singing!!

So many toys for a man to play with here..where do I even start?!? Of course with the foot sink! Or at least that's what I used it for! Why the fuck else would a sink be at that height and proximity of a toilet if it wasn't there for you to wash your toe jam clean while you unclogged the brethren hole!

That little red ring...that's the ULTIMATE "oh shit" device! I fucked up and pulled it thinking it was a flusher (flushers are on the walls here btw) and then an alarm went off and some small child -ooking man came rushing to the door to make sure my guts weren't pouring into the bowl below me.

So much TP and cleaning supplies!! My eyes were watering! USA you've got some knowledge to dig here...you're fucking it up!

Off to a good start here in Europe!
10 out of 10!

Kyng has hit the road Papa Roach and Seether. And as the band continues to tour in support of their most recent album, 'Burn the Serum,' which was released via Razor & Tie, they will be blogging about their experiences for Revolver. Watch their video for "Electric Halo," at the bottom of the post.

Entry by bassist Tony Castaneda and photos by Eddie Veliz, Jonathan Pena and Tony Castaneda.

Week 3 of touring with Seether, Papa Roach and Islander. Kyng's first time touring in a bus. It's a much different world than what we are used to. We're usually exhausted from driving all night to get to the next destination. This time we have someone to drive us, which is weird but I can definitely get used to it. Shout out to Mike McManamy for getting us and Islander to the next show safely. Pulled up to Chicago to play at The Riviera Theatre a few days ago and it was snowing. Probably one of the coldest dates of the tour so far but that didn't stop us from doing what we do. After the show we had some mandatory deep dish pizza, drank some beers and made our way to a local bar called The Fat Cat where we met up with the guys from Seether and crew to have some more drinks. Bus call was around 3 a.m. and we kept the party going on the bus with, yes, more drinks! Blasting tunes on the stereo we took turns playing phone DJ but the highlight of the night was raging to SuperJoint Ritual and air drumming to it while eating leftovers in a drunken haze. I have to admit, I'm a pretty rad air drummer. Dudes from Islander are good guys and easy to share a bus with. There's always something going on in the bus or dressing room. Talks about dealing with the cold-hearted bitch that is the music industry, sharing life experiences or what we got going on back home.

Next stop was Kansas City where we played direct support for Seether (Papa Roach had off date) and had our first encounter with hardcore KYNG fans. In the audience were a couple who were holding up a sign that read 'KYNG of Rock and Roll.' It's a very humbling experience to see that your art is actually connecting on a level that resonates with people. All the hard work actually does pay off in one way or another and it is reason enough to keep on trucking!

Last night we played in Waterloo Iowa at McElroy Auditorium. This place is usually a Rodeo auditorium, from what I gathered. Up on the rafters are photos of country artists and rodeo bad asses along with some American flags to keep it patriotic. The stage looked as if it was literally made with recreation tables all bunched together and topped with plywood. It was pretty fascinating to play in the middle of, what looked like nowhere and have people driving out, sometimes over hours to see a rock show. I only wish people in the west coast were as enthusiastic about going to shows. L.A. could learn a lot from these folks! The show was great! Sold a crap load of CDs and made some new fans. Hung out in the dressing room and were up to our antics again, doing anything to keep us entertained. I had a pretty amusing encounter with a drunken old lady who decided she'd like to guess my nationality. That's always fun. Ahh..the exciting world of a traveling circus..err band. You never know what you're going to get out on the road but that's the beauty of it all. Thanks to Revolver Magazine again for allowing us to share our experiences on the road. Until next time, folks!! See you at a show!!

Heavy metal juggernauts Slipknot have announced a big U.S. headlining tour, "Summer's Last Stand." Lamb of God, Bullet For My Valentine, and Motionless in White will be joining them for support. The tour will start off in West Palm Beach, Florida on July 24, and will wrap up in Dallas, Texas on September 5. Pre-sale for the tickets will be available Tuesday, January 27th via www.slipknot1.com. A full list of dates can be found below.

July
24                           West Palm Beach, FL                      Cruzan Amphitheater
25                           Tampa, FL                                         MidFlorida Credit Union Amphitheater
26                           Atlanta, GA                                        Aaron's Amphitheater at Lakewood
28                           Detroit, MI                                        DTE Energy Music Theatre
29                           Darien Center, NY                           Darien Lake Performing Arts Center
31                           Saratoga Springs, NY                     Saratoga Performing Arts Center

AUGUST
1                              Wantagh, NY                                     Nikon at Jones Beach Theater
2                              Hartford, CT                                      Xfinity Theatre
4                              Boston, MA                                        Xfinity Center
5                              Holmdel, NJ                                      PNC Bank Arts Center
6                              Pittsburgh, PA                                   First Niagara Pavilion
8                              Toronto, ON                                      Molson Amphitheater
11                           Washington, DC                                 Jiffy Lube Live
12                           Virginia Beach, VA                            Farm Bureau Live
14                           Indianapolis, IN                                 Klipsch Music Center
15                           Chicago, IL                                          First Midwest Bank Amphitheater
16                           St. Louis, MO                                      Hollywood Casino Amphitheater
19                           Denver, CO                                          Red Rocks Amphitheater
21                           Salt Lake City, UT                              USANA Amphitheater
24                           Vancouver, BC                                   Rogers Arena
26                           Concord, CA                                       Concord Pavilion
28                           Las Vegas, NV                                    MGM Resort Festival Lot
29                           Phoenix, AZ                                        Ak-Chin Pavilion
30                           Albuquerque, NM                             Isleta Amphitheater

SEPTEMBER
2                              Austin, TX                                           Austin 360 Amphitheater
4                              Houston, TX                                       Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion
5                              Dallas, TX                                            Gexa Energy Pavilion

Kyng has hit the road Papa Roach and Seether. And ss the band continues to tour in support of their most recent album, 'Burn the Serum,' which was released via Razor & Tie, they will be blogging about their experiences for Revolver. Watch their video for "Electric Halo," at the bottom of the post.

Entry by bassist Tony Castaneda and photos by Eddie Veliz and Tony Castaneda.

This week we played at our home away from home. Good ol' New York City! We've become very attached to this city since our first visit back in 2011 when we first got signed and met some amazing people who we work with to this day. We pulled up around 10 a.m., woke up, had a cup coffee and made our way to Times Square for our mandatory visit to the SiriusXM studios to hang with the Metallic Hispanic Jose Mangin. Finished up with the interview and ran into the dudes from Papa Roach, who we are currently on tour with, and took a quick group photo with the dudes and made our way back to the venue to set up for the show.

N.Y. was a blast and the crowd is always a bit skeptic of us, but three songs in they let loose and give in to the tunes. So far the tour's been pretty rad even though sometimes we might be a little too heavy for some and not heavy enough for others. We still keep banging away and gaining new believers of Kyng and that's all that matters in the end. Hope to see you all out here on the road!

Heavy metal titans, Slipknot, have announced a handful of U.S. tour dates with Hatebreed. The band is touring in support of their new album, '.5: The Gray Chapter,' which was Revolver's 2014 Album of the Year.

The tour will kick off in Pensacola, F.L. on April 29 and finish up in Grand Rapids, M.I. on May 16. The full list of dates are below.

Tour Dates:
Apr. 29 - Pensacola, FL - Pensacola Bay Center
Apr. 30 - New Orleans, LA - Champions Square-Superdome
May 02 - Pelham, AL - Oak Mountain Amphitheatre
May 05 - Knoxville, TN - Knoxville Coliseum
May 08 - Bloomington, IL - US Cellular Coliseum
May 10 - Cedar Rapids, IA - US Cellular Center
May 12 - Erie, PA - Erie Insurance Arena
May 13 - Scranton, PA - The Pavilion at Montage Mountain
May 16 - Grand Rapids, MI - Van Andel Arena

Let us know if Slipknot is coming near you in the comments below!

Chris Krovatin is the author of multiple young adult novels, including Heavy Metal & You, Venomous, and Gravediggers: Mountain of Bones. He also fronts the New York metal band Flaming Tusk. He is a contributing writer for Revolver and generally comes off as a good-natured pain in everyone's collective ass. This column represents his opinions–and probably only his opinions.

Mayhem with Watain and Revenge

Saturday, January 10 at Webster Hall, NYC

Number of times I've missed Mayhem before: Once. Twice? Once.
Number of times I've seen Watain before: This will make four.
Band I'm excited to see: Honestly? Watain. That Wild Hunt album absolutely rules.
Expression of excitement: Hard drinking immediately upon arrival.
Price of a beer and a shot at Webster Hall: Don't even think about it. Open a tab and rue your life later.
Amount of merch being sold: A metric fuckton.
Favorite piece of merch available: Watain scarves! How absolutely absurd.
Chances I'm buying a Watain scarf: At $25? I'll take some patches, please.
Patch bought: The Watain 'Black Metal Warfare' patch.
Chances of Black Metal Warfare actually erupting: Little to none. Most of the dudes here look like they'd have trouble lifting a maul, much less using it.
Square footage of black leather worn at this show: Approximately 70,000.
Number of smiles viewed among the crowd: Maybe seven, not including my friends.
Stupid drunken parody genre created: Quack metal—black metal made by ducks.
Jesus Christ, slow down, lushie: Sworn! To the DUUUUCK!
First up: Revenge from Canada.
Sounds like: Whuff. Belligerent military occupation? Not like Canada, that's for sure.
Aesthetic observation: Revenge are really sold on hardcore practical evil. Their songs aren't about Satanism, they're about sterilization. It's kind of insane.
Future consideration: Never chill out, Revenge. Your style doesn't seem like it would fit you guys doing a "Sweet Leaf" cover in your old age.
Number of drinks consumed post-Revenge: Maybe five? Jesus.
Coworker present: Current Revolver Executive Editor Sammi Chichester.
Prayers of thanks offered to Satan that I didn't run into Sammi in my polluted state: 25.
Members of Mayhem unable to get into the U.S. due to visa problems: Necrobutcher.
Number of black metal bands used to visa issues: All of them, it seems. Every last one.
To be fair: Mayhem's original line-up were implicated in some of the arsons that made the black metal scene famous.
Number of times I remember shouting "MAYHEM" at no one in particular: Two or three.
Number of times I probably shouted "MAYHEM:" 300.
Up next: Watain from Sweden.
Sounds like: Raging thrash-influenced black metal with a primitive angle to it.
Looks like: The ultimate black metal band. Seriously, Watain's stage show rules.
Favorite tracks played: "Outlaw" was absolutely awesome, as was "Sworn To The Dark."
Tracks I wish they'd played: "They Rode On" or "Satan's Hunger" would've been sweet, but hey, you can't have everything.
Level of drunkenness unlocked: Bad Santa.
Number of people here I should probably say "Hi" to: 12.
Number of those people I say "Hi" to: Aw, man, some chicken fucking tenders would be amazing right now.
Finally: Mayhem from Norway.
Sounds like: Grinding black metal from a group of pissed-off elder gods.
Strange aesthetic choice: The whole white-blazer-dripping-head-wound thing Atilla Csihar does. It reminds me of later-era Boy George.
Solid aesthetic choice: Bone-cross mic stand! If there's ever a dude to imitate, it's King Diamond.
Favorite tracks: "My Death" and "Pagan Fears."
Songs played that I recognized: A decent number, but man, Mayhem have a ton of shit that I just can't nail down off the top of my head.
Legacy observation: Mayhem are one of those bands that have been doing this so long, their catalog includes what feels like three different bands' work.
Amount of Mayhem's set remembered clearly: A generous 65 percent.
Amount of cab ride home from Webster Hall remember: A generous 7 percent.
Persons-worth of diner food consumed upon arrival home: Three, by the looks of things. Blugh.
Number of regrets: None.

Chris Krovatin is the author of multiple young adult novels, including Heavy Metal & You, Venomous, and Gravediggers: Mountain of Bones. He also fronts the New York metal band Flaming Tusk. He is a contributing writer for Revolver and generally comes off as a good-natured pain in everyone's collective ass. This column represents his opinions–and probably only his opinions.

High On Fire with Windhand and Mountain of Wizard
Saint Vitus in Brooklyn, NY

Start times for High On Fire's two Saint Vitus shows: 6:00 PM and 10:30 PM.
Show chosen to review: The early bird special.
Stated reasoning: It's got a novelty value to it, you know? Not many metal bands do early shows. I want to see why High On Fire would go in that direction.
Honest reasoning: I am a creaky old man who fetishizes the idea of getting to bed before midnight. I will be cranky having to wait for the G train at two in the morning.
Worthy company: Everyone on line for the show with me looked to be thirty or older.
Most effective Saint Vitus drink special: The Bishop—a tall boy and a shot of well whiskey.
Number of Bishops consumed upon arrival: Two. Fuck my liquor.
High On Fire's previous Saint Vitus appearances: None, according to Vitus owner and bartender George Souleidis.
Holy shit: "And they're playing six new songs tonight."
Holy SHIT: "Seriously, dude. It's like Christmas every day here."
First up: Mountain of Wizard from NOLA.
Sounds like: Instrumental stoner metal made entirely of big awesome riffs. Like an instrumental Black Sabbath on cocaine.
Well, hold up: Not, like, and instrumental version of Sabbath when they were on all the cocaine. Like, they don't sound like "Johnny Blade."
Member you think is doing most of the guitar insanity: Short-haired goateed guy at stage right rocking the fuck out.
Actual guitar maniac: Guy with the long hair standing off to stage left.
Concert wisdom: Often, it is the weird, less face-forward guitarist doing all of the real whacky shit. Think Jeff Hanneman.
New York metal press of note here for the early show: Fred from Noisey, Vince from MetalSucks, and Jimmy of Revolver (amongst other publications).
Remember, friends: Metal journalism is heavily influenced by people who want to get to bed before midnight.
Merch observation of the night: Between Windhand and High On Fire, it seems stoner bands sure do love that whole Parody-The-Masters Of Reality-Cover-Logo thing, with the purple wavy writing and all.
Number of merch pieces with said parody purchased: A High On Fire koozie. Shut up.
Up next, we have: Windhand from Richmond, VA.
Sounds like: Electric Wizard-y stoner doom with witchy female vocals.
Appropriate soundtrack for: Drinking at a roadside biker joint in 1978, in a cartoon.
Are Windhand vest metal: Oh, shut the fuck up. What a stupid term.
Audience response: Decent, but man, you can feel the stoned and drunk haze settling over the crowd pretty hard at this point. They might just be a little too chill for the heaviness this pack of animals craves.
Then again: That might just be me.
Crowd position before High On Fire take the stage: Right up front!
Amount to which I desperately have to piss: Very high.
Chances of me getting my spot in the crowd back after leaving to piss: .02%
Upside to losing my spot to pee: Brushing shoulders with Matt Pike as walks to the stage.
And now: High On Fire from Oakland, CA.
Sounds like: Taking a bong hit right before a Marshall Amp is literally thrown at your face.
New features on Matt Pike: A Lemmy-esque handlebar mustache.
Things I would do to see High On Fire play a straight set of Motörhead songs: Kill, cheat, lie, sell the farm, sell government secrets, cut off a section of a pinky.
Prediction: At some point, Lemmy will walk into his dressing room, and Matt Pike will emerge in Lemmy's signature black outfit and cowboy hat. He will answer only to "Lemmy." Matt Pike will become the new Lemmy, and will continue the reign of Motörhead.
Highlight tracks of the night: "Rumors of War," "Madness Of An Architect," and "Speedwolf."
New tracks played: All I can clearly remember is that one is called "Carcosa," which is an awesome True Detective/Robert Chambers reference, and that song slayed.
Time out of the show: 10:25.
Time home: 11:44.
Advice to all bands: Play an early show. I'll be there.
Better advice to all bands: Be anywhere near as good as High On Fire. Then you can do whatever the fuck you want.

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