Artist
Leigh Kakaty is the vocalist for Michigan rock act Pop Evil. Formed in 2001, Pop Evil has gone on to sell over a half million singles, with multiple top-charting singles, all while obtaining road-dog status by exclusively living out on the road. Their most recent LP "Onyx" was released last month. Watch the video for their hit single, "Trenches" at the bottom of this post.
Rock is not dead.
It seems like over the past year, I've been hearing more and more that rock is dead. After the past few months being on the road with Three Days Grace, Sevendust, and playing four of the biggest rock festivals in the country (Fort Rock, Welcome to Rockville, Carolina Rebellion, and Rock on the Range), I have come to the conclusion that "Rock is dead" couldn't be further from the truth. Rock and roll is very much alive.
It's been said, "Rock is dead," "people don't spend money on records anymore." What a cop out. Music sales are down across all genres. I think there were about 10 albums in just about every format that actually went platinum last year. Even though I believe in the album as a format, it's a singles market nowadays. The numbers continue to grow in the single sales world, which means a song is more important now more than ever. Making a great album is not a lost art; it just takes people longer to buy the entire thing!
So where does this leave rock and roll? It is not known as a genre for million-selling singles. Every single download counts. It starts by staying on the road. You have to be hungrier than ever! I am proud to be in a band grinding during this new era of rock. This is the hardest generation to ever be in a rock band. You have to give it your all these days. Giving it your blood, sweat, and tears is 100 percent the Pop Evil motto. It's about making music that you enjoy to play every night. We have always spent our time focusing on the things we can control rather than the things we can't. There will always be things about this business we can't control, but winning over a new fan is more thrilling than any financial gain you could ever obtain. It has always been more about writing music and playing it live. The energy that you feel onstage with your fans is the electricity that fuels this band.
The good news is rock fans spend their money in several different ways. Whether it's on the physical CDs or personalized memorabilia. Fans are more hands-on than ever as bands have become more fan-accessible. Bands have to be more than willing to do the little things that aim to create stronger relationships between the fans and bands. It's this relationship that helps build a stronger loyal fan base that will stick around for many years.
There is a hunger for rock and roll and it is not going away.
Hard-rock outfit WILSON are shitter aficionados. They've been rating toilets on the road for a while on their own blog, and now they're bringing their expertise to RevolverMag.com. The band is currently crossing the country with Newsted and What the Hell, from whence they will be educating us on their various bathroom encounters. Here, singer Chad Nicefield drops blog No. 4.
"Boston Bruins...more like Boston bruises...on my ass cheeks.
"Here lays the Middle East in Cambridge, Mass, and boy, did I have something brewing in this Masshole.
"This has to be by far the worst of this tour. I chose the only stall with a proper door...however, no lock, so the boys got a chance to run up on me mid-toilet meal and snap this candid 'business' photo. At first, I thought there was no TP...but then, when the back of my head smashed into the TP box on the wall behind me, I was pleasantly surprised to get a good wipe in. This is some weird off brand of an American Classic, it completely set crooked. Plus, the seat was barely attached.
"I got a lot of love for New Englanders...so I'm not going to totally dis this shitter. All in all, 4 out of 10."
For the latest on WILSON, visit WilsonPartyAnimals.com, Instagram.com/WilsonParties, Twitter.com/WilsonParties, Soundcloud.com/WilsonRock, Youtube.com/WilsonParties, WilsonParties.Tumblr.com/, and WilsonParties.BigCartel.com/.
A "left-handed Aquarius, master of the fine arts, wordsmith, survivor," as it says on his Facebook page, Valient Thorr frontman Valient Himself is now also a RevolverMag.com blogger. He'll be offering us regularly updates from his mind, starting with the piece below. His band's new album, Our Own Masters, hits stores June 18. Valient Thorr's U.S. headlining tour, with support from Gypsyhawk and Ramming Speed, kicks off on June 12.
May 14 marked the FIVE year anniversary of me donating a kidney to my Earth father. Valient Thorr makes rock 'n' roll with a message. Everyone always asks what is at the core of that message? The basic point of a lot of it has been to get past all the greed and bullshit and think about what matters. The people of the Earth. It always has been a humanitarian message. If we don't take care of the people then what do we have left here? Without the people, Earth is just another rock floating in space. So in order to highlight that point, whenever possible, we try to do what we can to help others. In the past, we've done benefits for many causes including MS, breast cancer, bells palsy, and my personal crusade has been flying the flag for the National Kidney Foundation.
I wanted to use this blog today to report that after five years, my kidney is still going strong inside of my old man, and I too am as strong as I ever have been. If you ever have wondered if you should donate to someone you know or even had the desire to help out a stranger but was unsure if the long term effects would slow you down in the least, come out to one of our tour dates beginning in June and see for yourself. We are still going strong and you, too, could be the key to saving someone's life. My old man was in rough shape back in '08, but he looks better today than he did for the few years leading up to the surgery.
There are thousands of people waiting on the national list for kidneys that they may never get (my Earth cousin included). If you know someone who needs one, get yourself checked to see if you're a possible candidate for donation. If you have any questions, you can send them to me via my personal Facebook page or just check out Kidney.org.
Thanks for all the support over the years, check out our new album, Our Own Masters, on June 18, and please donate!
Kidney Donation Diary Video:
Part tomboy, part femme fatale, Zeena Koda is a SiriusXM DJ, vocalist, journalist, and lover of all things hardcore. You can catch her radio show Monday through Saturday on SiriusXM Liquid Metal and watch her inquisitive feminist side via her video web series Boxx Talk and Ask A Bombshell. Rot and roll, baby!
A woman's strength can be tested in many different ways, whether it be through the rigorous daily physical challenges of having lady parts, dealing with social assumptions or shooing off the adoring masses. Honing in on a higher purpose within the confines of the madness is certainly no small feat. For one of hardcore's most recognizable frontwomen, Candace Kucsulain from Walls of Jericho, her sense of balance has been discovered through the male-dominated sport of power lifting.
"When I first met my husband in Europe while on tour in 2009, he told me about a power-lifting program," Kucsulain recounts. "Now I'm moving to Ohio with him and our daughter to train with one of the top women in the country." Not a romantic gesture for many, but for the strength-driven Kucsulain, lifting has cemented her love for fitness and was the catalyst for a new stage of her life post full-time musicianship. "I have never wanted to be weak, whether it be weak of the body or mind," she confidently states.
It is that exact fire that led her from the music road to the fitness lane, a path often carved out by her male counterparts but rarely addressed and conquered by the femme faction. "One of of the last Ozzfest tours, someone had weights and they'd work out," she recalls. "I'd jump in because you're looking for something to kill the time in-between. I hated that the guys in my band could dead-lift 300 pounds and I couldn't, but I finally dead-lifted 310 pounds at my last meet!"
Consistently defying boundaries while still maintaining those beautiful characteristics that define a strong woman has been Kucsulain's M.O. since her band's inception over 15 years ago. Never one to take anything for granted, Kucsulain notes that "strength takes time and dedication."
Dedication is something she has plenty of at this turn-key point of her life and career. Kucsulain is a multitasker who understands the value of giving the task at hand your all. Her inner strength is perfectly manifested in her standing as frontwoman of Walls of Jericho. "In 1998, I was living on my own, playing shows with the band, and eventually had to drop out of high school to continue touring because I wanted to do the band—it was my passion," she readily admits. During a time where social networking and digital communication was at an inception stage, Kucsulain offered endless fodder for the now infamous hardcore message board communities. Recognizably one of the only female vocalists in a machismo-filled community of musicians, she immediately realized that even her presence alone offended some deeply. "people did not like there being a female vocalist in hardcore," she says. "I was shocked."
Never one to be discouraged or back down from the mission at hand Kucsulain arose like a crowned champ, clocking in years of international and national touring, including on notable festivals such as Ozzfest and Mayhem, as well as releasing multiple successful albums, all while keeping grounded. "In the U.S., in order to survive as a hardcore band, you have to travel," Kucsulain readily admits. "I was lucky to be in a band with those guys. They were smart about touring and the lifestyle. We rarely got hotels early on." As their career flourished in the late '00s, the band finally decided to put out for some extra accommodations, a move fueled by one rather disturbingly telling situation. "One morning, while we were staying at someone's house on tour, I woke up to a letter in my shoe from a guy staying at the house as well," she laughs. "He said that he watched me sleep, and I said to my bandmates, 'We're good. I'm drawing the line,' and we were done with that."
Yet, considering her rare talent and energy, it's not difficult to see how any human would be infatuated with Kucsulain's presence. Even mainstream metal powerhouse Corey Taylor, of Slipknot and Stone Sour fame, couldn't resist her musical charms, helping to produce one of her band's most adventurous melodic undertakings in 2008, the Redemption EP. As a band best known for their in-your-face brutality factor, it was a bold step to take on such a melodically-driven project, but after meeting Taylor on the Family Values tour and being inspired to write after the death of her mother in 2006, Kucsulain took on the challenge. In a span of two weeks, the band pumped out a heartfelt EP that was "in memory of someone I loved," Kucsulain gratefully remembers. "To be able to record something like that was beautiful to me." The EP gave her a chance to revisit a love of clean singing that had previously only appeared in glimpses on prior releases. "I love singing and grew up singing," she explains. "In high school, there was one year that I was actually in two choirs, but I came into hardcore because I was angry and lost. Hardcore was my savior."
Through time, Kucsulain has found many more saviors and has been, herself, a positive figure to many women who are involved in music and yet want to also experience the joys of normal family life. Many active band members have children, but it is a true rarity to see a female try to balance motherhood with the touring heavy-music artists' life. Kucsulain notes that once she met her husband and had her daughter, her life took an extremely different and nurturing turn, offering her love she had never known. Always one to walk the walk, Kucsulain says that "if you want to see a change in the world, you have to start with the kids." Perhaps it is that sense of duty and higher purpose that continually fuels her desire to excel at both motherhood and power lifting, as well as ramps up her need to create new music with Walls of Jericho. As someone who admittedly is not a fan of small talk and surface interactions, instead opting for close relationships, she will have have endless fuel for writing this time around. "We're writing a new song for the 10-day European tour coming up in August," she says. "It's exciting because I'm ready to write about my life now. At first, they sent me some songs and I just couldn't focus—it wasn't the right time."
We all know timing is everything, and with Kucsulain's clock aligning hands, it will be exciting to see what is next for Walls of Jericho sonically. In a world full of strife and challenge, Kucsulain amply rises to the occasion time and time again, exemplifying hardcore heart. "We chose this music," she playfully laughs. "That says something about us."
A "left-handed Aquarius, master of the fine arts, wordsmith, survivor," as it says on his Facebook page, Valient Thorr frontman Valient Himself is now also a RevolverMag.com blogger. He'll be offering us regularly updates from his mind, starting with the piece below. His band's new album, Our Own Masters, hits stores June 18. Valient Thorr's U.S. headlining tour, with support from Gypsyhawk and Ramming Speed, kicks off on June 12.
ALAHOYUS Thorriors, Revolverers, Rocknowledgists, party-ers, humanitarians, bangers, punks, skunks, drunks, hombres, and hombrettes!!
Thanks to Revolver for giving me a platform to holler at y'all, rambling on about our new album or whatever pops into my head. I'll use this little forum to give you sneak peeks and background info on the new album, and hopefully grab the other dudes to get some words in, too. I get the chance to do interviews all the time, but sometimes they don't ask the right questions, or sometimes they ask the right questions, but then the interview ends up being in Italian and I don't know how to read Italian so I never know if it came out clever or what. This dude Mario the other day asked all the right questions. It made me feel great that someone actually took the time to see what we were all about rather than asking the same old-same old questions that I've either been asked a million times, or no one cares about anyway. You guys have either heard we are from Venus or not. Doesn't seem to really matter all that much now does it? If you like or dislike someone, it shouldn't have anything to do with where they are from. We've always said that it's about where you're going that matters. And you can follow us straight to the top.
We took a big break to write this record. We have been going hard for eight years. Basically doing nothing but playing and writing and never taking any time for ourselves since the end of 2004. And if you don't ever take a break, well, then you'll burn out. We don't want to do that anytime soon. Also, whatever kind of artist you are, visual, audible, you have to take time to write, draw, paint, compose, whatever it is that you do—so that you have something new and relevant and different to give to the masses so they don't get tired of your same old shit. Over the last year, we've had births, deaths, and every other kind of wild family incident in between happen to us. So we took time to write, and paint, and compose, and create. And deal with family things. And then we got together and brought our little pieces of this puzzle together.
A lot of times over the years when new albums by my favorite bands came out, I wondered for months at a time what it was going to be like, or sound like. If you're a big music fan and collect albums, I feel like there's a certain thing that happens when you find a band you love. I'd say for me at least 80 percent of the time, the FIRST thing they do turns out to be my favorite. Not always, but a lot of the time. A lot of bands careers start at a point and just rocket onward getting better and better and at some point they may dip down. Some of them then come back up and keep on making good records again. Some only have one more. Some never recover. I feel like we started making music at such an early point in our even knowing HOW to make noise with instruments, that EACH TIME we've gone into the studio and come back out, you can tell how much we've grown by listening to the previous album and then checking out the new one. I find that extremely difficult and/or at least extremely rare for music I listen to. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, I've just explained that we didn't know shit when we began and we've tried very hard to learn as much as possible. And I hope that shows on OUR OWN MASTERS.
It was fun looking back on all of our old albums and actually talking about ROCKNROLL with Mario. So much of the time when we are talking about our music it is put in terms of how punk or how metal it IS or IS NOT. We haven't ever set out to do anything but make killer jams. There are a lot of bands out there that still make Rock 'n' Roll. They're not talked about often, or maybe they don't tour a lot. But they are out there. We like the band Harvey Milk. Somehow maybe it was from our friends in Black Skies, but somehow we heard Kyle Spence (the drummer of Harvey Milk) was making records down in Athens, GA. This seemed pretty convenient, not being too far away for family stuff, and also provided an atmosphere that was MILES different from the records we made in Seattle over the last 5 years. Now I loved working with Jack (Endino), I'm speaking specifically in terms of the difference in the cities, and my own personal party budget. In Seattle, I had money to spare and I personally love the Pacific Northwest. In Athens, I was in a position where bread was tight because I have bills now and the city reminded me a lot of my own college town. Meaning there wasn't a whole lot to do there on a tight budget. THAT'S OK THOUGH because it afforded me time to come up with 85 (YES, EIGHTY FIVE) demos for this new album. I don't think I ever did more than 20-25 before now. But that again shows how much time we put into this.
While we were in there, they debuted that new app called Vine, and we made a bunch of seven-second sneak peek vids of the making of the album and here are a few of them for you to check out. We have about 6 weeks before the record comes out, but in the next few weeks, we'll be dropping some actual tracks for you to consume. So hold your horses.
VALIENT THORR Vine videos:
http://seenive.com/v/908826893011271680
http://seenive.com/v/908174608304316416
http://seenive.com/v/911000011133829120
http://seenive.com/v/910691534175879168
http://seenive.com/v/914319090095628288
http://seenive.com/v/912112148476465152
Hard-rock outfit WILSON are shitter aficionados. They've been rating toilets on the road for a while on their own blog, and now they're bringing their expertise to RevolverMag.com. The band is currently crossing the country with Newsted and What the Hell, from whence they will be educating us on their various bathroom encounters. Here, singer Chad Nicefield drops blog No. 3.
"Ahhh! The blessed day two of tour dump. This outing sees us sharing the stage with the legendary Jason Newsted and his band, Newsted. And what better way to share a stage with a legend then to drop a deuce of legends...and in our hometown nonetheless?
This is the toilet at The Crofoot Ballroom! Folks, right here you can feast your gaze upon the fucking Master Of Poopettes! A strong Kohler bowl with a beautiful red crushed velvet leg rest! This is a beauty to the eye...the brown eye of course. Look at all that TP...and you can't see it but there is a mega plunger behind the upper deck. Can't ask for much better. This is a 10 out of 10."
For the latest on WILSON, visit WilsonPartyAnimals.com, Instagram.com/WilsonParties, Twitter.com/WilsonParties, Soundcloud.com/WilsonRock, Youtube.com/WilsonParties, WilsonParties.Tumblr.com/, and WilsonParties.BigCartel.com/.
Today is something of an anniversary for Led Zeppelin.
On May 14, 1988, the band — Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones and Jason Bonham (the 2007 Celebration Day lineup) — reunited for Atlantic Records' massive 40th anniversary party at New York City's Madison Square Garden.
Below, you'll find a video of Led Zeppelin's complete set from that night, starting with "Kashmir," moving into "Heartbreaker" (complete with a variation on Page's famous guitar solo), followed by an updated version of "Whole Lotta Love" (Note the change in the riff). After that, you'll find "Misty Mountain Hop" and other goodies; in all, it's 30-plus minutes of pure, late-'80s Led Zeppelin.
On a personal note, I watched their set on TV that night, and I remember the horrible mix the band — or maybe it was just the viewers — were subjected to. The faulty mix is most obvious on "Kashmir." (Can anyone hear Jones' keyboards? I can't.) Luckily, the more guitar-heavy tracks sound much better.
Other acts performing that night included Foreigner, Crosby, Stills & Nash, Genesis, Emerson Lake and Palmer, Wilson Pickett and Ben E. King.
Three years earlier, the band got together for Live Aid; maybe we'll revisit that blessed event sometime this summer ... maybe not.
Hard-rock outfit WILSON are shitter aficionados. They've been rating toilets on the road for a while on their own blog, and now they're bringing their expertise to RevolverMag.com. The band is currently crossing the country with GWAR and Warbeast on the Fate of Chaos tour, from whence they will be educating us on their various bathroom encounters. Here, singer Chad Nicefield drops No. 2.
"Goddammit Little Rock, Arizona! I have been jipped again! The moment we pulled up to the Rev Room, my anus started yelling at me in tongues (thank you Waffle house!) I eagerly ran though the venue asking for the nearest available porcelain princess. Opon arrival...this. Look at that sad ass-gripper. And it's a fucking Crane bowl! These are the same toilets I've seen numerous ass-clowns back in highschool use to give unsuspecting, pre-puberty "Magic the Gathering"-lovers swirlies on a daily basis... I know the crane bowl all to well...Shivan Dragons for life!
"I sat down and released a demon child—a real gargantuan! When I went to wipe, to my dismay, one sheet of fucking TP!!! I had to turtle walk my ass to the stall over and salvage the last remaining one quarter of a roll to get the dingle berries that were starting to form clear.
"And to top it off no plunger..and no lock on the stall door. This is a 3 out of 10. I hope Nashville has me singing some Muddy Waters tomorrow!"
For the latest on WILSON, visit WilsonPartyAnimals.com, Instagram.com/WilsonParties, Twitter.com/WilsonParties, Soundcloud.com/WilsonRock, Youtube.com/WilsonParties, WilsonParties.Tumblr.com/, and WilsonParties.BigCartel.com/.
Hard-rock outfit WILSON are shitter aficionados. They've been rating toilets on the road for a while on their own blog, and now they're bringing their expertise to RevolverMag.com. The band is currently crossing the country with GWAR and Warbeast on the Fate of Chaos tour, from whence they will be educating us on their various bathroom encounters. Here, singer Chad Nicefield drops the band's first update.
"This is Grand Junction, Colorado. This town has a familiar air to it. Although I have never actually been here, it reminds me of the area of Detroit I currently reside. Which made my constipated bowels scream with joy. I have not dropped a brown demon in a few days so this 'familiar' setting was a god send as it gave my brown eye the confidence of needed to get the job done.
"This is not a Kohler bowl (my personal fave) however. It is a American Standand. Which are responsible for the mightiest flushes of a time, in my opinion. Upon entering the stall, I was pleasantly surprised to see actual stall doors, which has been a rarity on the Fate or Chaos tour and being there are 25-plus people on this tour, a secret shit is hard to come by.
"There was no plunger, but plenty of TP. However, it was one ply. Not such a good feeling on a stuffed-up bunghole. All in all, 6.5 out of 10. Pretty average Mesa Theater. Here we come Denver! See ya soon."
For the latest on WILSON, visit WilsonPartyAnimals.com, Instagram.com/WilsonParties, Twitter.com/WilsonParties, Soundcloud.com/WilsonRock, Youtube.com/WilsonParties, WilsonParties.Tumblr.com/, and WilsonParties.BigCartel.com/.
Chris Krovatin is the author of three young adult novels, Heavy Metal & You, Venomous, and Gravediggers: Mountain of Bones. He is currently working on multiple new writing projects, as well as new material with his local New York metal band Flaming Tusk. He is a contributing writer for Revolver and generally comes off as a good-natured pain in everyone's collective ass. This column represents his opinions–and probably only his opinions.
In Paradise Lost, a 17th century poet tells the story of Satan's fall from Heaven and the fall of man, which Satan causes using his powers of influence and temptation. The epic poem is controversial for its portrayal of the Devil as a human and sympathetic figure, whose banishment from God's domain is caused by the very prevalent emotion of pride, painted therein as the greatest sin of all. Four years after he published Paradise Lost, Milton put out Paradise Regained, which deals with the temptation of Jesus Christ. What's interesting is that while most people know some line or fact about Paradise Lost ("Farewell, happy fields/Where joy forever dwells: hail, horrors, hail"), very few know much about Paradise Regained. Why? Because as a whole, Satan is a more interesting character than Christ. His reasons for his actions are like our own—nuanced, rarely clear. Jesus does what he does because he's good. That's not the world I live in.
Villains are awesome. Their costumes, weapons, and powers are often far more interesting than those of the heroes against whom they fight, and their motives are generally far more interesting than those of the heroes. But not all villains are created equal. For every fascinating and powerful villainous character, there are two or three who feel like whiny little assholes derping around for no real reason. And being metal means being strong, driven, purposeful in your darkness. So for all those hand-wringers and doomsday-bringers out there, I bring this, my Six Most and Least Metal Villains.
The Six Most Metal Villains:
1) Sauron
J.R.R. Tolkien's personification of all evil and hatred lives up to his role—from his spiked helmet to his giant burning eye to his supernatural hold on anyone who dares interact with him. He's like Satan, only less of a metaphor and more of a big scary-ass guy with a sword
2) Darth Vader
In space, the archetype of the Black Knight has taken a terrifying new form. This cyborg monstrosity is an expert sword-fighter, fighter-pilot, and magic wielder, serving the very essence of darkness and despair after destroying his only chance at peace in a fit of rage. No one calls him "Annie" anymore.
3) Count Dracula
God among vampires, Bram Stoker's undead overlord is the ultimate representation of night's infernal power. Add that he's a shape-shifting blood-drinking unholy lothario, and you've got a fascinating figure whose bested everyone from Harker to Belmont.
4) Venom
Spider-Man's dark doppelganger, Venom is how everyone really imagines evil—cold, black, bitter, and rocking a gaping maw of razor-sharp teeth. That he is a psychotic madman wearing an alien costume that feeds on hatred is just an added bonus.
5) Agent Smith
What makes Agent Smith so terrifying and incredible as a villain is his underlying emotion. On the one hand, he's all logic, a being made of binary code and unarguable purpose. On the other, he's deeply emotional—he hates this place. This, friends, is the ordered face of pure evil.
6) Lady Macbeth
Resourceful, brutal, and insane—Lady Macbeth is the ultimate femme fatale. While Shakespeare likely created her as a sexist scapegoat, her cunning and readiness to get her hands dirty would likely scare the shit out of guys like Shredder and Mumm-Ra. You think you could take her? Have fun dying slow, pal.
Honorable mention: Skeletor. The dude looks like a jacked-up Grim Reaper and rocks what is known as a "Havoc Staff." That's real, son.
The Six Least Metal Villains:
1) Adolf Hitler
OK, so this guy nearly conquered the world with his campaign of racism and megalomania. It doesn't change the fact that the dude was a fidgety little house painter with one testicle who thought he was saving the world with his xenophobic bullshit. Fuck this guy, over and over.
2) Professor Moriarity
While one of the great villains of literature, Moriarity is kind of lame overall. Consider it for a second—he's a math teacher who's basically a bad clone of his nemesis, a British detective he can't even kill without falling off a damn waterfall. Not even interesting in his dastardliness.
3) Gargamel
Bad enough Gargamel is a hunched old man who lives alone with his cat…but he's the Smurfs' villain. Let's say that again: the fucking Smurfs' villain. The dude has dedicated himself to a life of destroying tiny blue mushroom people? And he still hasn't done it? Truly one of God's dumbasses.
4) Iago
The antagonist of Shakespeare's Othello, Iago is the type of villain even villains hate: He's a gossipy little bitch. We all know a guy like this, who uses misinformation and posturing to get whatever his petty little heart desires (your girlfriend, for instance). This insidious cretin deserves a swift kick to, well, everywhere, really.
5) The Penguin
Of Batman's nemeses, the Penguin is one of the few not confined to Arkham Asylum when caught. Why? Because only interesting people are insane. What we have here is a roly-poly little Monopoly man with lame weapons and a bad gimmick (birds? Fucking birds?!).
6) Oogie Boogie
Sorry, but I gotta throw down here. Oogie Boogie may be a living burlap sack filled with bugs, which I guess is sort of scary, but the Cab Calloway routine immediately erases that. It's a bad sign when you're a villain and the hero, his friends, his girlfriend, and your henchmen are all scarier than you.