Chris Krovatin

"For me, thrash is the epitome of all that is metal—the grandiosity and imagination of classic heavy rock, but infused with the cranked-up go-fuck-yourself rage of hardcore punk."

"4) The California Raisins Riding on some sort of Blues Brothers-inspired love of old soul tunes, the California Raisins were four repulsive looking pieces of anthropomorphic food who hated on heavy-metal broccoli. I call bullshit."

"Edward Cullen of Twilight infamy Oh my God, really? You’re a huge emo lameass who’s always on the verge of blowing his undead load in his pants? You’re a bad metaphor for teen desire? You can’t go out in sunlight because you sparkle? Fuck you, dude. You are a sack of the worst dicks."

"Every night, there are three shows: an outdoor arena festival, a ballroom venue concert, and a shitty bar night with a stage barely two feet off the ground... If you time it right, you can catch three different Iron Maidens with three different singers in one night."

"Middle Earth Yeah, yeah, let’s give credit where credit’s due. Tolkien’s epic fantasy land has inspired everyone from Led Zeppelin to Burzum, and it’s endless host of massive creatures, brave warriors, and vicious monsters make it a fantasy world worth living in."

"This would be an awesome album to end a career on—not that this reporter wants it to be the last Slayer album."

Surprising observation: There are very few hipsters here tonight. Overall, the crowd is a very metal crowd.

She’s the lady of your dreams. But she will not. Stop. Listening. To that fucking Shania Twain song.

You know the band sucks. Everyone has told you that they suck, and that this album sucks harder than any of its predecessors. But look at that cover!

Sometimes, on the subway, I one-by-one size up everyone else in my car, from the heavily tattooed bodybuilder to the tired-looking grandmother with her grocery cart.