GOING POSTAL

Your favorite artists lose their minds answering your letters. This month: GLEN BENTON OF DEICIDE

Illustration by "Ghoulish" Gary Pullin

It’s amazing how Deicide frontdaemon Glen Benton has retained his sense of humor after more than two decades of performing. After all, this is not an easy world to live in for a man with an inverted cross branded into his forehead. Currently going through a divorce—his lawyer screened your letters before the vocalist-bassist would answer them—the satanic death-metal icon has sardonically titled his group’s ninth album Till Death Do Us Part (Earache). Better known for hating religion than for hating his exes, the gravel-throated growler may be widening his scope. He’s apparently widening his ambitions, too: The first pressings of the new album contained a woven “Glen Benton for President” patch.

This evolution in the singer’s outlook, however, has been a long time coming. Formed in 1987, Deicide quickly became one of best-selling death-metal groups of all time. With that has come controversy. Over the past five years, the group has found itself banned from several countries for its antireligious ideology; various band members have been detained on drug- and weapon-possession charges when crossing the U.S.-Canadian border; and recently the group found itself topping a different kind of music chart. This time it was a ranking of the songs used by the U.S. Army to torture detainees, with “Fuck Your God,” off 2004’s Scars of the Crucifix, at the top of the list. Now with a star-studded lineup featuring original drummer Steve Asheim, ex–Cannibal Corpse guitarist Jack Owen, and current Obituary guitarist Ralph Santolla—and a good lawyer in tow—Benton has the perfect weapons for whichever fight he chooses, be it with his ex-wives, God, or your letters, which he answered with his forked tongue planted firmly in cheek.

Since you’ve included a “Glen Benton for President” patch with your new CD, I have to ask: If you were to be elected president, what would be the first thing on your agenda?
—Gareth
The first thing I would do is to send a nice big fruit basket to [Venezuelan President] Hugo Chavez and send one of my people there to plant their lips right on his fuckin’ ass. Another thing I would do is bring all our kids back from the Middle East and go over there and turn that place into one big sheet of glass.

How does it feel to have your song “Fuck Your God” be the No. 1 torture song used on terror suspects by the U.S. Army?
—John
It was no surprise to me. I was also told back when [Panamanian dictator Manuel] Noriega was held up in the church, they were blasting our shit at him, too, to get him out of there. It ain’t like I’m insulted by it, I think it’s cool. I told [drummer] Steve Asheim, “I smell a Middle East tour. So now they can hate us in the Muslim world along with the rest of the world.”

What was the first “real” metal band that you dug and why?
—Josh & Heather
I would say Sabbath at an early age for the same reason as anybody else, the whole shock value of it all. I remember bringing my ghetto blaster downstairs to breakfast and blasting that shit at my mom and dad at 7:30 in the morning while I was getting ready for school. It was one of those things where it was like, not only was it what I consider great music but it definitely put other people in a shitty mood.

How do you feel about being shoved into the same filing cabinet as far-less talented bastard children of death metal?
—Vinnie
I’m not really too much into a lot of the new metal. A lot of the newer stuff that I hear, I call it “whine rock,” where the singer sounds like they’re whining through a melody. For the most part, man, people are just trying to appeal to this whole mainstream thing where it’s like, “Let’s have two singers—one that sings like a pussy and one that sings like a devil, and let’s try to combine these two sounds.” And to me, I’d like to put my foot up every one of their asses.

Do you feel in any way paternal about the new bands and fans of this glorious thing called death metal? You should!
—MV
I didn’t think there were any new bands playing death metal. It all just keeps repeating itself. It’s just boring, man. I’ve had Sirius satellite in my car for a fuckin’ year, and I’ve probably listened to Hard Attack half a dozen times. They’ll play some really heavy stuff and all of a sudden that whining shit comes on and I’m like, Fuck, man, I can hear that shit from my ex-wives and the kids and shit.

Although it is understandable that you want to promote your disdain for Christianity, do you have an agenda? Does the message mean more than the music?
—Dark Prime
My agenda is keeping my bills paid and my kids happy and my exes off my back and my lawyers paid and everybody happy. Am I looking to recruit people to fucking march next to me? No. Sure, I’m going to be sitting somewhere in the midst of hell at the end of my fuckin’ life here, but I would rather be there surrounded by all of my friends than anywhere else. For me, the perfect torture in my afterlife would be to get stuck in a room full of Jehovah’s Witnesses saying some shit, all sitting there fuckin’ talking to me. As far as agendas, my agenda is to make music and do what I do to entertain people. If you want some sort of fantasy answer, then go play some games on your Xbox or whatever the fuck you do.

You burned an inverted cross on your forehead many years ago. Any regrets about doing this now? What do your kids think about it?
—Ruben Mosqueda
My kids really don’t notice it. My oldest son, he asked me about it once. I told him I bumped my head running in church. My little one, he doesn’t even notice it or ask me about it. Do I regret it? Nah. It don’t really cause too much discomfort in my life. I’ve got “666” stamped on the side of my head, too. Not just a cross. If I go to school functions and stuff like that, I wear a hat. I ride a Harley Davidson, so I usually have a headband on. I don’t even notice it myself, it’s been there for so many years now.

What did you use to brand the cross on your forehead?
—Blake D
Stupid question 101. Dumbass. There’s your answer.

Who’s going to be Deicide’s touring guitarist in place of Ralph Santolla, who recently announced he left? That guy shreds!
—Rob Teschke
Me and Ralph have had our ups and downs, but we all love each other. As far as I’m concerned, if we do any touring here, Ralph’s gonna be doing it.

What is your favorite brand of cigar?
—Ethan Whiteman
I don’t smoke cigars, man. I’ve partaken in them before. I do smoke a good Cuban once in a while, but I’m really not into that whole thing, man. I think walking around with a big fuckin’ turd sticking out of my mouth is stupid. Leave that for people that hang out at off-track betting places and fuckin’ dog tracks.

Do you think that the Florida death-metal scene is similar to the Norwegian black-metal scene, with the church burnings and satanic propaganda?
—Darrel
Yeah, right. [Laughs] I can tell you, we don’t go doing stupid things and getting put in jail. We’re not killing each other for no reason at all. We don’t burn churches down, because that would put you in jail and that can put an end to your musical and entertaining career. I don’t know, man, we were doing this when all of those guys were all still sucking on their mommies’ tits. There are similarities. We were all fans of Kiss…I was in the Kiss Army in ’78. But I didn’t go walking around with that shit on my face or anything.

What really happened between you and [murdered Mayhem founder] Euronymous when you met in the early ’90s?
—Anthony
This is how out of the loop I was. I met him and he kind of reminded me of Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley. Because I met him when I was a kid, too, at a baseball game. I met him and I was like, “Wow, fuckin’ Squiggy.” Anyway, I meet the guy, and he’s carrying a mace but it looks like he stole the table leg off his mom’s kitchen table and put, like, nails through it and shit. And he was wearing this $1.99 cape that you’d buy at the dollar store during Halloween. They brought me backstage and they said, “Uranus or whatever from Mayhem is there and wants to meet you.” So I went out there and met him. And in his broken English, he said, [in robotic, foreign accent] “I did not have problem with you, but this band Gorguts. They are not true death-metal/black-metal band.” And I was just sitting there with a big shit-eating grin on my face like, “Yeah, that’s cool, man.” And I really didn’t know the importance of the guy. To me, he looked just like another goofball fan.

Did your parents ever dig what you were doing?
—Billy
When I was a kid, my parents couldn’t understand the whole thing. I remember when I was 16, 17, and the S.O.D. album [1985’s Speak English of Die] came out. I remember being in my room, blasting that shit, and my old man trying to kick my door in. “Turn that shit off! What’s with this ‘Pussywhipped, pussywhipped’ thing? That’s fucked up!” I was like, “You know, dad, listen. I don’t bust your nuts for listening to Jethro Tull. It’s not like I’m out there putting gouges in your Simon and Garfunkel records. Leave me the fuck alone.” My parents were like everybody else’s parents. They wanted their kid to have an education, grow up, and be a respectful citizen and make the right choices in life and shit and accomplish much. And when I got signed, my parents saw it was really happening for me, and they were like, “Hey, that’s cool.” I’ve never heard a word out of them since then.

What other deep, dark, hidden talent are you capable of performing that the public is unaware of?
—Jason Solomon
I can’t roll my tongue like a taco, but I can make that thing go about 80 miles an hour. I’ve never had any complaints. I definitely can make ’em squeal.

You’re a nice guy, a good entertainer, and a family man. Would it be fair to say that you really don’t match the image you’ve presented since youth?
—Don
I never claimed to be the devil, man. Have I danced around the fire and the black candles and all the bullshit when I was younger? Yeah, man. I think everybody did who was doing this stuff then. Is there something wrong with me because I want to be a good father to my kids and I want to teach my kids right from wrong? No, man. And if you can’t understand that, either you’re A) 13 years old or B) you’re mentally retarded. Life is about change, man. If you want to stay out of jail, you have to grow up sooner or later. I really couldn’t imagine myself being 41 years old going around with the black candles and the bullshit and reciting shit out of Crowley books and Anton LaVey and all that shit. You’ve got to grow up. If you stay in that frame of mind, you’re only hurting yourself.