GUEST BLOG: DARKEST HOUR’S MIKE SCHLEIBAUM

Mike J. Schleibaum, back with more tales from the Thrash and Burn tour 2008. No photos this week ’cause the camera got wet, but will have some for the next update. By the way, the next one is going to be insane! For now, our saga continues in Milwaukee…

Day Six
Milwaukee, Wisconin: ROBOT MOSH FEST. A fest to be rivaled by few, Robot Mosh Fest proved one thing for sure—Milwaukee knows how to fucking party. Let me just say that the party started at load-in and didn’t stop till the wee hours o’ the mornin’. Highlights included:

The arrival by Milwaukee’s finest (that’s Five-0 in DH speak), who threatened to make every person in the club leave so they could be counted by the Fire Marshall. (Does that sound Constitutional?) The day went on with threats of impounded cars, hauling away any beer-imbibing partiers, and the old cop standard, “We’re gonna shut the show down, boy.” Anyway, needless to say, they didn’t do shit and, I guess, failed to see the intense all-day rager happening right in front of them.

Timothy Java, yeah, that’s right, DEAD TO FALL EX-DRUMMER Timothy Java risked being mauled by fans to make an appearance. He could have headlined because of his good looks alone. We’re working on that Dead to Fall reunion, I’m serious!

Day Seven
Chicago, Illinois: OK, seriously, I am beginning to think we are cursed with bad luck.

First, we had to play at the Pearl Room in Mokena, NOT in Chicago.

Second, a full-on tornado hit the backstage parking lot during Winds of Plague set. We all hoped that it would demolish the RV but it didn’t.

Third, and this is a doozie—the head of security for the Pearl Room decided that he wanted to start a fight with our soundman, Johnny Knobs. My night ended with a 300-pound gorilla of a man (a.k.a. the security guy) yelling at Knobs because he didn’t like bluegrass music. After I politely asked him to treat Mr. Johnny “the Knob Turner Sound Man Extraordinaire” with the respect he deserved, he responded in the only way a steroid-induced bouncer could: He pushed me so far across the room I thought I was back in Virginia. Tito stepped in to help defend me and almost decked the gorilla-steroid-freak bouncer. Yeah, the cops got called for the second day in a row. Yeah, they sided with the moronic staff of the club and asked us to leave. Yes, justice is dead in America; the cop wouldn’t even take a report.

Day Eight
Louisville, Kentucky: We got a bit of a break today. Guess what, the cops didn’t come! Guess what, the show went off without a hitch! Guess what, it was almost like a normal day on tour. Well, except for the fact that this marked day four of life in an RV with nine smelly dudes. Yet again, another serving of rough justice.

Day Nine
Cleveland, Ohio: Well, if Louisville brought the good luck then Cleveland bought more good luck—10 strippers and one fucking good party. Well, OK, there were no strippers, but everything else is true. It was a party and one hell of a good show. It’s like Huey Lewis says, “The heart of rock and roll is still beating in Cleveland!” Highlights included:

One hell of a set by all the bands!

A guest appearance from Broseph of From a Second Story Window fame. Again, we’re trying to get them back together, too!

Day 10
Rochester, New York: Let’s just skip to the biggest highlight of day 10—SUICIDE SILENCE. Straight off their mega insaniac tour with Slipknot and many others, Suicide Silence got down and dirty and joined the ranks of Thrash and Burn for this one glorious evening. So they had an off-date and needed to hang; it doesn’t matter to us because no matter where Suicide Silence is, you will probably find at least one member of Darkest Hour wasted with them. Get it, they’re sick dudes…oh, and their set slayed!

Day 11
Albany, New York: Host of the second-ever Hawaiian shirt day. What can I say, Albany rules! Any place where your options to eat are a Pizza Hut buffet for breakfast and a sketchy Chinese food dinner is good by me! Day 11 was day one for our special, special, special guest Emmure! They came, they saw, they rocked, they punished, they smoked all the weed, drank all the beers, yeah, they’re gettin’ the hang of it!

Day 12
Hartford, Connecticut: I swear on my life that I had the best food of the tour today and it was sold to me by two older ladies who just set up a table in their front yard across the street from the club. Puerto Rican–style beans, rice, chicken, and plantains. Dude, it was off the hook. I even got a Piña Colada (but was a little bummed there was no alcohol in it). Oh, and the show, it was sick, too. Highlights include:

Jeff (Winds of Plague), some friendly ladies, “Sadist Nation,” the stage, nudity, and, well, if you were there, let’s just say you got your money’s worth for sticking around!

Day 13
Allentown, Pennsylvania: Crocodile Rock—not only is it a sick Elton John song, it’s also the location of Allentown, PA’s first Thrash and Burn-o-palooza. Two stages, a few ping-pong tables, pool tables, pizza, beer, and who could overlook Philadelphia’s A Life Once Lost! Tonight’s special guest crushed the crowd so hard I think they were all stoned just by the riffs! To this day I can’t figure out how they get the guitars so clean-sounding, the riffs so tasty, the tunes so sick! Another notable highlight was the appearance of God Forbid’s Doc and Dallas. One of the perks of hanging with sick dudes like Doc and Dallas (besides the fact that they are badass) is getting to hear the new GF way before the masses. Let’s just say it slays, it’s way over my head, and I hope they come out with a tab book so I can learn some of those Docified and Dallistated riffs!

Oh shit, did I mention, we’re still in an RV? Yep, it’s now day nine! No news on getting the bus fixed. I can’t remember the last time we all slept at the same time. What I have learned is, don’t move into a one-bedroom apartment with nine of your closest friends. Even if it moves around the country every day, it still feels small!

Will we make it out of the RV alive? Will the cops keep coming to the shows? Will Sepultura ever get back together? Will the new Metallica be good? Will Mary-Louise Parker call me?

Yeah, we should be filming—no one is going to believe this shit!