GUEST BLOG: JOB FOR A COWBOY’S JONNY DAVY

The last few days we played in the U.S. were a complete mess. Here is a shot of a guy in a chicken suit during our set being planted face first into concrete. Sorry, little bro. To top off that dude’s bad night, Dave Mustaine even called him out onstage before breaking into “Holy Wars” by saying, “What came first, the chicken or the asshole?” Oh, Dave, you clever fellow you. The dude either went home in shame or completely stoked. Yay!

Look at how bummed the people around him are.

A chunk of the band decided to get tour tattoos when we played the New England Hardcore/Metal fest the other day. They all slapped on and inked out space crabs on their bodies, with the text under the tattoo reading “Uranus or bust”… The tattoo has a horrifying meaning behind it that made me stay away from getting the tattoo myself, so bad and possibly even idiotic that I refuse to write about it in this blog. Congratulations on the awesome choice of content, guys!

Parents will be proud, right?

The best part about it was that this was our guitarist Bobby’s first tattoo, and he passed out and or fainted during the procedure. Here is a picture of people pointing and making fun of him during the whole ordeal. What a douche.

Look at the bastard waking up after fainting.

The other days we drove to the Canadian border. Apparently we needed a “password” to go over the border. Well, someone fucked up and we never got this so called “password” when we were supposed to, leaving us stranded at the border for over 10 fucking hours… Fucking Canada… So, in the mean time we were out of booze. We whipped out our Capri Sun pouches, went outside, and proceeded to play a game of kickball as if we were back in middle school. Whoever fucked that up, we will hunt you down and make you give us back 10 hours of our lives, you bastard.

Irrelevent party picture.

Later that night we discovered a mysterious space crab/cockroach. It was just a few days after the space crab tattoo ceremony. We thought that it was a sign from God himself, but then quickly realized that if there really was a God that we’re all going to hell anyway. Fuck yeah!

Don't look directly into its evil eyes.

We’ve played a show in Canada now and it was great. I haven’t been able to understand anyone here because 90 percent of them speak French. In our dressing room we found a mystery stain on the couch. I bet a Frenchie did it.

How enchanting, how mysterious.

The end of our evening consisted of High On Fire’s Matt Pike teaching our drummer Charn how to fight. Charn’s never been in a fight before so he thought he could use the help… The teaching was a complete failure, and we just ended up watching Matt Pike get drunk and dance up a smooth but awkward storm.

Complete failure.

Today is actually my birthday. Hopefully a shitty story will come out of it in the meantime. Later!... AND BUY ME A FUCKING DRINK!

FTW! FTW!