GUEST BLOG: JOB FOR A COWBOY’S JONNY DAVY

The other night the entire Gigantour had a party after the show in Canada. Thirty sweaty dudes gambled, drank, and bro’ed down, and I personally chose to go to bed early before it turned into a huge, drunken, gay, sweaty orgy. This is the end result of the day, a “more to love”–shaped man escorting us out of the building totally naked while being completely wasted off his ass.

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On our day off I decided that I needed time away from everyone (because they are all annoying) and to spend time with nature in a suburban mall parking lot dressed in disguise as a modern Unabomber. This just goes to show you how damned boring these long days get, to the point of insanity and suicide. On top of that I’ve slowly attempted to kill time by learning how to skateboard—let’s all cross our fingers that I fall, break my neck, and die. SHIT HAPPENS.

I’m aware that I’m an idiot.

Skate or die

For the past week we’ve been hanging out and bro’ing down with our buddies in Children of Bodom a lot! Sadly, with their thick accents and alcohol consumption combined, a 30-minute conversation is really only understandable for about two to three minutes. We’ve gone back to primitive methods of communication for one another—grunts, hand gestures, and awkward facial expressions. We love those little guys, though, even if they do speak horrible English. We also have an awful sense of humor, so it tends to work out. Here is a picture of their drunken guitar player…who is literally always drunk. His liver thinks he’s a complete asshole.

Again, really bad sense of humor

Well, this past week has been pretty slow. Every night has been a repeat of the previous one. Canada is full of rabid alcoholics who like to make a mess and break things. We are down to only one more week of Gigantour and then we fly out for Europe for three weeks. A new saga will begin as our favorite companion, Darren, will be accompanying us on the trip as well. We can only imagine what kind of trouble the alcohol-abuser will be getting us into. His bad habits are slowly rubbing off on us. HOORAY!

Darren Strikes back.

Wasted