GUEST BLOG: JOB FOR A COWBOY’S JONNY DAVY
All right, first things first, I’m going to start off with my personal highlight of this week. Our little buddy Darren had a long, rough night of excessive drinking and narcotics—he stayed awake for 24 hours of nonstop partying (which later turned into a 38-hour binge). His body decided to crash in the lawn in front of the hotel we were staying at on our day off. He passed out for hours with the sun blaring into his face. We tried waking him up and moving him, but he completely wasn’t having it. He woke up completely sunburnt, to the point where when he smiled it physically hurt. Congratulations Darren, you win the award for the hardest partier of the entire tour. These pictures are not staged; this is a dude literally trashed and crashed with us pointing and laughing at him. Nice farmer's tan bro:
Urban Camping
Failure! Failure!
Charn, our drummer, has had some bad luck on this tour. I guess in reality he always has bad luck; I would honestly stay away from him in case it could rub off on you. We recently played the Palladium in Massachusetts, and the damned drum monitor fell on him while we were playing. The 50-to-80-pound speaker fell on him, causing his entire drum kit to collapse on top of him while we were playing. The bastard’s a dreamcatcher of bad luck. You know what, Charn? You deserve it for being a dick (I know you read these damned things, you fucker). In an attempt to make himself feel better, he now does beer bongs onstage while playing at the awkward shows of the tour. A hidden talent! Who would have known!
Chug it, fucker!
We just played Columbus, Ohio, with In Flames on an off-date. The venue was smack dab in the middle of a college town; we were surrounded by frat houses and people attempting to do something with their miserable lives. As soon as we got there we watched a bunch of dudes in their underwear doing beer bongs from second-story buildings to the front lawn of the house. (I’m sure their parents would be proud that they dropped all the cash for their education.) Well, after the show, our guitarists Bobby and Ravi, our tour manager, and a friend went to one of these frat houses and got completely wasted. Just like every goddamned teenage movie, the cops came, leaving a swarm of 100 people running for their lives for whatever reason. Hey man, maybe the cops just wanted to party, too.
Random…and awkward party picture
Well, since I’ve updated you on the tour, I’ll take you back now—a fucking flashback! On Radio Rebellion we were sharing a bus with Behemoth. Wash your goddamned armor, you fucks! They literally smell like shit, ugh! We miss those Polish dudes, even if they do frequently smell funky. Anyway, there is an unwritten rule on any bus: You fall asleep anywhere with your shoes on outside your bunk, YOU WILL BE FUCKED WITH. Well, obviously Behemoth are nice and cute with their makeup and outfits, so our tour manager fell asleep in the front lounge...and they proceeded to make him pretty with a couple of permanent Sharpie markers. Congratulations: You got a sweet makeover!
PWNED!
To end this blog, here is a picture of me sitting next to Bobby and the most annoying woman in the world. Please notice my not-stoked face. Those annoying, drunk douchebags.
Disgust!
