As the Revolver Photo Director and proud owner of a vagina, I feel more than qualified to offer up honest, raw, and unadulterated advice regarding all things related to sex, the female body, and relationships. So, all you metalhead freaks out there, please email me your most dire, dirty, sick, and twisted questions about women and the way we work, from our emotional hearts to our even more complicated parts. Girls are also welcome to fire off some questions; I’m sure the guys reading my blog would love to hear what’s on your mind as well. Email me at RevolvHer@gmail.com.
Dear RevolvHer,
I’ve been on and off with the love of my life for almost three years. We’ve made our share of mistakes and lived through it, including me making the terrible mistake of cheating on occasion. But all of that is in the past. The problem is he still feels the need to get back at me. His idea is going to Europe with his best friend next summer for two weeks to sleep around with the girls over there. I don't know how to feel about it, if it’s a good thing for him to get a little more experience, because I’m the only girl he’s been with, or to be furious and dump him. I do love him; it’s just been a rough ride up until now. Now I think we’re as happy as we’re ever going to be, and I don’t want to lose him. I’m just worried about this trip that he plans on taking.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
The first thing that stands out to me in your email is the sentence, “But all of that is in the past.” If all of that were truly in the past, your boyfriend wouldn’t feel the need to punish you with a decadent trip to Europe that threatens the bond of your relationship.
The second most interesting thing about your email is that you fail to mention what your question is. You say that you don’t know how to feel about your man taking a trip to Europe. But you actually do state the way you feel about it in the email: You feel insecure that he will use your past cheating as an excuse to catch up on all the boning he has missed out on over the last three years. At the risk of sounding like a love-columnist cliché, if you love someone, set them free, and if they come back to you, it was meant to be. It’s a beautiful idea, but it is so fucking hard to actually implement. When you love someone deeply, sometimes that love can get all confused with need and dependency, if we aren’t careful. This isn’t healthy, but is very common. Most of us have felt the fear you express, of letting go of someone and risking that they might cheat on you, either out of revenge and anger or just basic human urge.
If you spend your whole relationship trying to control your boyfriend out of fear that he will want to sow his wild oats one day, you will end up resenting each other. It will drive you insane, and drive him away. If your boyfriend is still harboring anger towards you for your past indiscretions, there is nothing you can do to change his mind; he is going to react the way he wants to when faced with the option of banging a hairy foreign chick. It is what it is. There is nothing you can do to control his behavior while he is in Europe. You have to keep the focus on yourself and remember that things will work out the way they are supposed to. Trying to control a man’s behavior is the most sure-fire way to push him far away. Give yourself the gift of turning it all over and just relaxing. If he goes on this trip to Europe, take yourself on a trip to the beach or somewhere nice, and work on something that you have put aside in the midst of all this drama.
xxx
RevolvHer
Dear RevolvHer,
Is it true that my belly or, shall we say, my man FUPA (Fat Upper Penis Area) can come in handy during the sex act? I am trying to justify my expanding waist and convince myself that the ladies won’t be completely repulsed by my gut.
Fat Ass
Dear Fat Ass,
Personally, I like a man with meat on his bones. I love feeling the weight of a man on top of me, and yes, your belly does have its benefits when it comes to pleasing the ladies. When I was a freshman in high school, I had friend who was a senior. She was a Gothy, self-professed nymphomaniac who taught me all about the birds and the bees. Now, before any of you little pervs get all hot and bothered, she didn’t actually show me anything—she just kinda explained tricks and tidbits from her own experiences. For example, when my first boyfriend was pressuring me for a blowjob, I had her escort me into the girl’s bathroom and instruct me on the various techniques on some lengthy vegetables. One of the other lessons that she taught me was that fucking chubby dudes could be awesome, because the extra padding above their penises could aid in clitoral stimulation. I don’t think she said it like that, though; it was probably something more along the lines of, “I like to wrap my legs around my boyfriend’s waist and grind my clit into his big belly when he is pounding me, I have an explosive orgasm every time.” So, the moral of the story is, sometimes what looks good to our overly media-influenced and critical eyes doesn’t always feel as good to the touch!
xxx
RevolvHer
Post new comment