As the Revolver Photo Director and proud owner of a vagina, I feel more than qualified to offer up honest, raw, and unadulterated advice regarding all things related to sex, the female body, and relationships. So, all you metalhead freaks out there, please email me your most dire, dirty, sick, and twisted questions about women and the way we work, from our emotional hearts to our even more complicated parts. Girls are also welcome to fire off some questions; I’m sure the guys reading my blog would love to hear what’s on your mind as well. Email me at RevolvHer@gmail.com.
Hey there,
I am a 25-year-old metalhead guy who has a few questions to ask:
First of all, I have a curved penis, much like Gonzo’s nose (the muppet), and I was just curious if this could have any positive/negative effect while having sex with a woman?
Second, I have been celibate for over three years now, mostly because of school, and I’m just trying to get my life in order. Any tips on jumping back into the game? Because I’m almost on the verge of insanity from the lack of sex. (And please don’t tell me to try dating sites: I don’t have the time, money, or patience.)
How important are looks for women when it comes to guys? Are they as important to women as they are for men? (For me it’s about 60%.)
And finally, I’m looking for a nice, cute/hot metalhead chick who’s not a stripper and/or a groupie, but just about every concert I go to, all the good-looking girls are there with a guy. I need some serious advice about trying to find a good, honest, down-to-earth girl, and keeping her. Where do I start?
Thanx,
Girl-Stumped in Milwaukee.
Hey Girl-Stumped,
I love your letter because you seem very genuine and smart, and like you are taking care of yourself. If those traits come through in just a brief note to a perverted sex blogger, then you better bet your cute curved cock that they will come through to some hot, smart metal chick eventually!
The curved-dick dilemma seems like a common concern for young men with that affliction. I personally believe the curving is caused by the sheer weight of a big dick, as most of the ones I have seen were pretty damn big. I can speak from having experienced a few Gonzo-esque units that it is nothing but pleasurable each time. The curved penis actually has many benefits when it comes to pleasing a lady. It can reach places inside a vagina that a straight penis just can’t seem to go. For example, a curved penis can reach the elusive “back wall” that triggers the anus a bit during intercourse. Also, if you get into just the right position with your girl, your magical penis can hit the other most elusive and pleasurable place on the planet, the G-Spot. So while I can completely understand why you would have some hesitancy about not looking “normal” down there, trust me, it is something to embrace and learn to love.
Now, on to the more pressing issue: your need to get some smart rock-chick ass. I think you are halfway to your goal, my friend. The fact that you are open to meeting someone real for a serious relationship means that you want quality, and that might take some time. It also means that you might not find that girl at a rock show or bar. You might need a friend to introduce you to their hot friends. Or you might have to stumble upon some girl in the magazine section of a bookstore while picking up a copy of Revolver, or the book section looking at the rock and roll biographies. Maybe you have to be a bit more assertive and start up a conversation with a girl at a coffee shop while on line for a manly drink like a double espresso. It is totally mortifying and hard to do these things, but if you set your eyes on the prize, you will come away with at least some more confidence. You might get rejected a few times by girls that are in relationships, or girls who just plain suck. Rejection is all part of putting yourself out there.
As for your question about how important looks are to women, I think it is very hard to generalize. Some women are just as shallow as some men can be. But some women are just looking for you to make them laugh and feel good. The one piece of advice I can offer you is that all women are looking for someone to make them feel special, beautiful, and smart. If you can do that, then you are golden. Act as if, baby! Act as if you are the most awesome guy in the room and women will dig that. Not cocky, but just confident. Even if you are wracked with self-doubt, you want to project to women that you know what you are doing. A good metal chick will look past the superficial and see that you are a good guy with a sweet curved cock. She may take some time to find, but when you do, it will be worth it.
xxx
RevolvHer
Dear Revolvher,
I am 17 and living in Mississippi, of all places. I need advice about my current boyfriend. He is one year younger than me, and he lives an hour away from me. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t care about me, ’cause he gets annoyed when I text or call him asking him what’s up or just telling him I love him. What should I do? I get the impression that he hates me at times. Oh yeah, when I do see him all we do is make out, have sex, shop, or I watch him act stupid or do drugs. What do I do? Help please.
Samantha, a concerned girlfriend
Dear Samantha,
It would be very easy for me to sit here as a jaded 31-year-old in my safe little cubicle and tell you, a fresh 17-year-old thing, to dump that loser and fast.
Trouble is, I know all too well how incredibly hard that is to do. You are a girl who loves too much. I know this, because I am a grown woman who loves too much. We love men who sometimes can’t reciprocate our love completely. This is not because we are unlovable, but because the men we choose to love are emotionally incapable of loving us as much as we love them—either because they are addicts or just kinda fucked up. Your boyfriend might be a great guy that makes you happy on occasion, but right now he is more focused on his needs than on you. He is busy getting loaded and acting stupid. I know that you text him hoping that he will respond with the words you want hear (“I love you too! I miss you!”), but this expectation might only lead you to get let down over and over again.
Sometimes, when I find myself in a situation like the one you are describing, I like to try to figure out my part in the whole scenario. Such as, what am I getting out of this relationship? Why am I in this? I might write down my boyfriend's name on a piece of paper, why I am angry with him, and how it is affecting me. Then I will look at it and see what I am doing to perpetuate the badness of our relationship. Maybe I am allowing him to keep treating me like shit by staying in the relationship even though he isn’t meeting my needs. Maybe I’m asking a man to love me who is more focused on getting high. Loving drug addicts is one of the worst pains I have ever experienced. They are incredibly loveable, but they have no ability to give love back when they are using. They are having a love affair with the dope. You deserve to have a man text you back, baby. I hope that some of what I say helps you to see that. If you want to read a great self-help book on this subject, check out this link.
You have your own path, and I know you will find your way to someone who will have sex with you, go shopping with you, and love you!
xxx
RevolvHer
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