LOVE AND SEX ADVICE FROM REVOLVER’S HOTTEST PHOTO DIRECTOR (WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT)

As the Revolver Photo Director and proud owner of a vagina, I feel more than qualified to offer up honest, raw, and unadulterated advice regarding all things related to sex, the female body, and relationships. So, all you metalhead freaks out there, please email me your most dire, dirty, sick, and twisted questions about women and the way we work, from our emotional hearts to our even more complicated parts. Girls are also welcome to fire off some questions; I’m sure the guys reading my blog would love to hear what’s on your mind as well. Email me at RevolvHer@gmail.com.

Dear RevolvHer,
I was dating a girl for a few months and it was so good. I really liked her and felt a connection. Then she ended it with me for no real reason. A month later she got back together with her ex (which I suspect was the reason). Now all she does is talk to me about how he does her wrong and how "not for her" he is. What should I do? I like this girl a lot and would like to be with her, but I really do not know exactly what to do with the situation.
Confused

Hi, Confused
If there is one thing I can relate to, it’s confusion. I live my life in a constant state of confusion. Which I guess isn't very comforting to my readers seeking concrete advice. The thing is, life and people aren't static; everything is constantly mutating and always in flux, so confusion is just part of the fun! People who are never confused probably don't think very much. No one can ever predict what’s going to happen in any scenario, and that’s what creates our sense of fear, uncertainty, and total lack of control. This is especially true when it comes to love.

In your case, Confused, you want to know why a girl you dig is no longer with you but in a relationship with a man who is totally wrong for her and not with you. You feel even more confused that she is now confiding in you about the horror that is her current relationship. The first thing I can tell you is this girl is also totally confused! My read on her is that she likes you a whole lot, because she feels safe talking to you about her feelings and her pain. She might be afraid of being with someone she really likes—a fear of a true connection and real intimacy. She also might be scared of letting go of the ex, a guy she knows so well and has a bond with—a fear of the unknown. Another possibility is that this girl has low self-esteem and prefers being with someone who fulfills her negative opinion about herself, rather than being with a guy like you, who might make her feel good. I don't really know, I'm not a real analyst, and your letter is a tad vague. I'm just saying that there are many possible reasons for her actions. This drama won't last forever; people can change. She might get sick of being in a masochistic relationship and get herself together. If you don't mind being her shoulder to cry on while she works through this dysfunctional situation, then you could find yourself reaping the benefits when she finally drops him. Sometimes loving someone requires a lot patience!

On the other hand, if the drama is making you batshit-crazy enough to email a sex blogger, then tell her to get lost and to find herself a shrink. If you need clarity to feel secure, and want someone who appreciates you now for what you have to offer, then you should let her go and move on with your life. As my sweet Jewish mom always says, "There is a lid for every pot."

I know it is super dorky, but there are some great books on the subject of understanding the ways of women and men in love. You could check out the extremely easy to read and digestible series of Mars and Venus books by John Gray. My favorite is Mars and Venus on a Date.

xxx
RevolvHer