LOVE AND SEX ADVICE FROM REVOLVER’S HOTTEST PHOTO DIRECTOR (WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT)

As the Revolver Photo Director and proud owner of a vagina, I feel more than qualified to offer up honest, raw, and unadulterated advice regarding all things related to sex, the female body, and relationships. So, all you metalhead freaks out there, please email me your most dire, dirty, sick, and twisted questions about women and the way we work, from our emotional hearts to our even more complicated parts. Girls are also welcome to fire off some questions; I’m sure the guys reading my blog would love to hear what’s on your mind as well. Email me at RevolvHer@gmail.com.

Hey, RevolvHer
I'm hurting pretty bad right now, and I was wondering if maybe you could offer some advice. I'm a college freshmen in PA, studying art. I’m also a consummate metalhead. I've been with the same woman for what could be rather easily rounded up to four years. She goes to the same school, with a similar major. In fact, she lives right down the hallway from me.

Recently, she began to spend noticeably less time with me. Also, she seemed uncomfortable with me; didn't like it when I touched her, looked tense when I was in the room, that sort of thing. And she had been spending a lot of time with another guy on our floor. I was really upset, so last night I asked her to come over so we could talk. When I asked her if there was something wrong with us, she said there was. She went on to say that, while she still loved me, things had changed and she was no longer happy with me. When I asked her about the other guy, she said that she hadn't cheated on me but admitted that she was attracted to him, which I admit confuses me because he is the opposite of her type. The catchphrase of the night seemed to be "I need a break.” There was a lot of crying on both sides. I told her that I wasn't angry with her, which I'm not, and that I'd give her all the time that she needed, which I will, but I'm having trouble. She's my first girlfriend, and the only woman I've ever loved. I'd take her back in an instant but I want her to have what she needs. I just want her to be happy. But I feel like I'm coming apart. I can’t eat. I'm loosing chunks of time. I can’t stand for her to be unhappy, but I don't know how to exist without her in my life.

I don't know if there's a question in there anywhere. I just don't know what to do.
S.C.

Dear S.C.,
I’m not sure if I have the almighty power to ease your loveache. There is really nothing other than time and some perspective that can help alleviate the pain you are currently stuck in. But I can promise you, from all my years of loving and losing, that you will eventually be OK and you will most definitely be able to exist without her. You had a major bond with this girl, and I suspect she was your first brush with the big ole Love. Therefore, watching her hook up with a new dude under your nose is going to be a long, tough ride.

Here is my well-seasoned old-timer advice to help you through it: First off, do not listen when all your bros tell you to go out and bang some random chick to get over a girl you still love. This might temporarily make you feel good (who doesn’t like getting laid?), but if the sex is not as hot or as emotionally connected as it was with your ex, it will only serve to make you miss her even more. And if you wind up rebounding with the first girl that gives you the love eyes and makes you feel special, you run the risk of not properly processing your pain. It would really suck if you just transferred all the feelings for your ex onto some random girl, and then woke up a few months later wondering why you are with someone that you don’t even like much.

So beyond those basic tips, the really hard shit to do is to keep the focus on yourself and not on what your ex is up to with dude down the hall. Hopefully she isn’t a cruel cunt, and hopefully she respects your feelings enough not to flaunt her new romance in your face. Running into them being all lovey dovey will undoubtedly really suck. But again, I can promise you that over time, if you keep your eyes on your own side of the street and not on what they are up to, you will get it together.

You should also stop forcing yourself to be OK with her leaving you. Even if you are happy for her and love her enough to let her move on, it’s OK to admit that you are bummed the fuck out. Wallow in your pain a bit; there is a lot to be learned from it. As the wise Henry Rollins once said, “Pain is personal. It really belongs to the one feeling it. Probably the only thing that is your own.” So hold onto yours for as long as you need to, till you get sick of hurting and decide to move on.

The following is a tested list of the lovelorn songs that you MUST listen to in your current throws of heartbreak and loveache; it will make you feel less alone to know that the cheeseballs in Dokken, the poet Phil Lynott, and even the Prince of Darkness himself, Ozzy Osbourne, have all loved and lost. Download these tunes, or whatever you kids do these days to get music. I promise you, they will make it all better.

UFO – “Love To Love”
Vandenberg – “This Burning Heart”
Thin Lizzy – “Still in Love with You”
Thin Lizzy – “Don’t Believe a Word”
The Cult – “Painted on My Heart”
Helloween – “A Tale That Wasn’t Right”
Pantera – “Cemetery Gates”
Ozzy Osbourne – “Goodbye To Romance”
Metallica – “Fade to Black”
Scorpions – “Still Loving You”
Whitesnake – “Love Ain’t No Stranger”
Rolling Stones – “Wild Horses”
Dokken – “Alone Again”
Led Zeppelin – “Ten Years Gone”

xxx
RevolvHer