As the Revolver Photo Director and proud owner of a vagina, I feel more than qualified to offer up honest, raw, and unadulterated advice regarding all things related to sex, the female body, and relationships. So, all you metalhead freaks out there, please email me your most dire, dirty, sick, and twisted questions about women and the way we work, from our emotional hearts to our even more complicated parts. Girls are also welcome to fire off some questions; I’m sure the guys reading my blog would love to hear what’s on your mind as well. Email me at revolvher@gmail.com
Dear RevolvHer, Dear Confused and wanting more,
I've been with my fiancé for a little over a year now, and we have amazing sex most of the time. We're talking porn-star sex. The only problem is, she doesn't like going down on me unless she's drunk or high. She says it brings back bad memories from her past. She's amazing at it and I enjoy it thoroughly when she does it. I just wish she would do it more. There's times when she won't do it for months. It's really frustrating considering I do everything she likes. I’m completely understand and sympathize with her and her past. Is there any way around this or am I being too selfish?
Sincerely,
Confused and wanting more.
This is a pretty tricky dilemma that you have on your horny hands, my dear. Basically what you’ve got is a porn-star caliber sexual minx that despite being a total horndog, seems to have some sort of bad association with blowjobs. You can either decide to be happy with the occasional drunken sucking, or you can make a diplomatic and caring fuss in an attempt to get more out of her. The trouble is, while you can ask her to meet your sexual needs, you can’t force her to go down on you without a few terrible things occurring (like going to jail!). 1) She might resent you for having to perform an act she dislikes in order to keep you happy. And 2) she might just adamantly refuse to slob your knob while sober, leaving you to resent her more.
The bigger question here is, what are the issues in your girlfriend’s sexual past that make blowjobs so hard to swallow? If she is stuffing down some kind of sexual trauma that she doesn’t want to feel, then she is heading for a world of trouble later on. No matter what she does, those feelings will surface when she sobers up. While it isn’t your job to force her to confront her past, as someone who loves her, you can suggest that it might be good for the well being of your relationship if she talks to a therapist. Not just so you can get some oral lovin’, but so that she can enjoy all aspects of her sexuality freely, without the crutch of drugs and alcohol and the looming fears from her past hanging over her.
You are definitely not being selfish in your desire for consistent blowjobs—everyone deserves a life full of whatever kind of sex they want! So the ultimate question for you to ask yourself will be, if she doesn’t come around to being the total sexual dynamo you desire, in all areas, can you spend the rest of your life with a wonderful and complicated woman, who only gives you head when she is shitfaced?
xxx
RevolvHer
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