As the Revolver Photo Director and proud owner of a vagina, I feel more than qualified to offer up honest, raw, and unadulterated advice regarding all things related to sex, the female body, and relationships. So, all you metalhead freaks out there, please email me your most dire, dirty, sick, and twisted questions about women and the way we work, from our emotional hearts to our even more complicated parts. Girls are also welcome to fire off some questions; I’m sure the guys reading my blog would love to hear what’s on your mind as well. Email me at revolvher@gmail.com
Hey what's up,
I am a 24-year-old metalhead who's been single for WAAYYYY too long. It's been three years since I've had a girlfriend, and even longer since I've gotten laid (seven years).
The reason I haven't had sex in seven years is because I used to be very ashamed of the size of my penis. It used to be below average, and it made me felt very insecure to the point that I almost committed suicide.
Anyway, I discovered a secret four years ago that has made my penis grow to a very satisfying size: It's called flexing. Some guys know about it, but a majority of guys don't. I discovered it one day when I was masturbating. I just held the base of my cock, and flexed it over and over, and to my surprise, it grew a little bigger. I continued doing this every time I jerked off, and the result is fantastic. Every guy can make his dick move (just like every chick can tighten and flex her vagina muscles). The penis is just a muscle, and the more you work it out, the bigger it'll get. Flexing is basically forcing blood into the penis, making it bigger, thicker, harder, and longer.
So, here's my question: Now that I am satisfied with the size of my junk, I have seven years of sex to catch up on. Now, I don't really want a relationship, I just want to fuck every chick I see just so that I can please her with my giant cock. Seriously, I need to fuck, and badly. For the past year I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it on a daily basis, I am even having sex dreams almost every night. I've become completely obsessed with sex.
How can I get a girl to put out without having to pay her, or even taking her out on a date? OK, well, maybe I jumped the gun on that, but I need a girl to please me IMMEDIATELY, as soon as possible, and I need it hot, nasty, and dirty.
Signed,
SUPER Horny Horndog
Dear Super Horny Horndog,
Almost immediately, just after vomiting a bit in my mouth from your graphic description of Penis Flexing, I came to a few conclusions as to why you aren’t getting any sex action. You are basically too cocksure, my friend. You seem to be using this cocky persona to cover up for your insecurities surrounding the size of your unit. There is a big different between cocky and confident, and if we can get you to a confident place, I promise you will see a world of difference in your future sexual conquests.
First off, I want to let you know that I deeply sympathize with your issues of fear and shame surrounding the size of your penis. The thing is, while you were lying in your bed jerking and flexing your shit, you were missing out on ample time that you could have spent reading up on how to give women orgasms using your tongue and fingers and what is probably a totally normal-sized penis. While a big cock can be erotic to some women, it isn’t the end-all and be-all of the sexual experience. Maybe some girl that you banged seven years ago said something callous that triggered this insecurity in you and made you focus your energies in the wrong area, I don’t know. If that is the case, well, then she’s a bitch, and may she be forever cursed with sex partners that can’t please her! But, while I am proud of you for learning how to use your penis muscles, and I am sure my readers, and your future girlfriends are grateful for the flexing tips, I think it is time for you to get the focus off of your penis size and onto pleasing the vagina! This will guarantee that you will have a lifetime of endless pussy at your fingertips.
I also get the sense that you are so totally pent up and horny right now that you are looking at women as walking orifices that you must stick your newly engorged penis into or you will explode! That is why you might not be getting anywhere. Women can smell desperation a mile away and it turns most of us off. In addition to that, women like to be treated with a grain of chivalry, and from the sound of this email, you seem to be lacking in that area. We don’t like to be treated like hookers unless we are, in fact, hookers. We are not going to just jump at the chance to please you without being courted a bit. If you want consistent and stimulating sex, even if it is casual, then listen up: You are going to have to take a girl on a date and treat her nicely. I know you don’t want to work at it, because you are super horny right now and need a release, but those are the breaks. Take her out, make her feel good about herself, like she is the most special person in the room, and she won’t even notice how big you are in the pants until she is screaming in ecstasy. If you are having trouble meeting willing girls, there is always online dating, and even more specifically the casual encounters section of craigslist.org.
So, to sum up, be yourself, and focus on the girl’s needs instead of the size of your flexed penis. Try to take your cocky ’tude down just a notch. If this doesn’t work to get you laid, then I highly recommend venting your seven years of pent-up sexual frustration on or in a Fleshlight to take the edge off, until you are able to hit the real thing! May the force be with you!
xxx
RevolvHer
flexing…
does that really work???
I mean come on, really?
wouldn't every dude who jacked off ever have a big cock then?
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