Comedian Craig Gass Shares His Top Five (Unintentionally) Funniest Hard-Rock Concert Moments

Besides being a fan of heavy music, comedian Craig Gass has close ties to the hard-rock and metal comunities–he’s opened for Metallica, lived in Eddie Van Halen’s back house, and is buddies with everyone from Pearl Jam to KISS. He recently helped skewer Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider at Revolver‘s and Guitar World‘s second annual Rock & Roll Roast. And on his new live comedy album and DVD, The Worst Comedy Show Ever, which hit stores today, Pearl Jam’s Mike McCready, makes a hilarious cameo on the DVD, while Alice in Chains’ Jerry Cantrell and Sean Kinney lend their fractured personalities to several news blackouts on the CD. In keeping with all this, Gass compiled his list of the Top Five (Unintentionally) Funniest Hard-Rock Concert Moments he has ever witnessed. Check it out below, and at the bottom of this post, watch a teaser clip for the DVD.

“I’ve been a huge hard-rock/heavy-metal fan for most of my life and never get tired of going to see my favorite bands over and over again,” Gass says. “Over the years, I think it becomes obvious to a lot of us that part of the fun of going to see certain bands is the entertainment that you’ll get out of it in between songs when the singer of the band starts to talk. Whether it’s David Lee Roth’s insane arrogance or Dave Mustaine’s bizarre politics, there are some shows you can’t wait to see for the real moments in between.

“I love sharing these stories with my comedian buddies and hearing the stories they like to add, but here are my Top Five Funniest Hard-Rock Concert Moments. Keep in mind, most of these were unintentionally funny…”

5) PANTERA
“I’ve seen Pantera easily about 20 times. They’re one of the most powerful bands of all time, but Phil Anselmo adds a tone of comedy to every show. He’s always angry about something, and he always says it with limited words.

“Pantera was on Ozzfest 2000, and I saw a couple of those shows, including one at the venue outside of Boston that was then known as The Tweeter Center. In between songs, AND I’M QUOTING, Phil Anselmo actually said, very slowly, ‘HEY…. Motherfuckers…. Check it out…. You go home tonight…. And you tell your friends who fuckin’ missed out on Ozzfest….. You tell them… HEY…… ….. …. You fuckin’… You missed out….. (At this point, you could see that Phil realized that he had repeated himself, and added)….. And you’re stupid.’ And then he hocked up some saliva and spit on the ground.

“Keep in mind, I was in the 18teenth row for this show, and I saw SEVENTEEN ROWS of people in front of me turning to each other and smiling, as if to say, ‘That was fucking HILARIOUS.’

4)  MÖTLEY CRÜE
“Vince Neil is a mess. Even when I saw Mötley opening the Bark at the Moon tour for Ozzy back in 1984, I noticed that Vince didn’t seem to remember all the lyrics to Mötley’s songs. Add to that, the occasional show where he’s completely hammered, and you’ve got a funnier show than ANYTHING going on at The Comedy Store that night.

“This was at The Key Club in 2005, I wanna say, and Vince was HAMMERED. A show that was highlighted with Vince falling off the stage (here’s the fucked up thing… We weren’t even looking at the stage during the incident, and we HEARD Vince fall) and this amazing on stage moment:

“Vince had taken a long time in between songs to grab another drink, came back out and said, ‘OK, everybody, how about we do a little bit of LIVEWIRE FOR YOU RIGHT N–WHAT (his guitar player was whispering in his ear)? Oh, we already played that? OK…. What else have we got?’

“I love that guy.”

3) DOKKEN
“In 2002, there was a tour of ’80s bands featuring Dokken, Warrant, Ratt, and a few others. I know that it’s a cooler move to dismiss these bands than it is to give them any credit, and if you’re one of those people, you really are an idiot, because you miss out on moments like the one I witnessed at The Celebrity Theater in Phoenix.

“Warrant was onstage performing, and in the middle of their set, a dude came climbing on to the stage and walked right into the middle of the band while they were playing. Was it a drunk audience member? No. It was Don Dokkem, who grabbed one of the microphones and started yelling at the band for going over their allotted time! He actually lectured Warrant onstage, and demanded that they ‘Play some “Cherry Pie” and get the fuck off the stage,’ threw the microphone in the air, and stormed off the stage.

“Mike Fasano, the drummer for Warrant at the time, grabbed the microphone when it landed and said, ‘How about a hand for the amazing Don Dokken, everybody’ to the boos of the audience.

“You always hear about bands not getting along on tour, but how often to you get to buy a ticket to watch it happen live?”

2) KISS
“OK, this one I have to admit is intentionally funny by the band, and me makes me immediately respect Paul Stanley.

“The band was on a really long tour with Ted Nugent and Skid Row, and the guys in Skid Row did a thing every night that the audience was never aware of, where they would dare Paul Stanley to incorporate some really silly word or stupid phrase into his onstage banter.

“In Raleigh, North Carolina, they tell Paul, ‘You need to somehow incorporate the words, “Diaper Fight” into your onstage banter tonight.’

“Nobody in the crowd in Raleigh was aware of this, obviously. All I know is that I’m watching KISS perform, and about three or four songs in, the crowd is going nuts, and I’m not sure that I’m hearing it right, but I think I just heard Paul Stanley say, ‘All right people, settle down, settle down…. Let’s not get all worked up here and turn this into a Diaper Fight…’

“WTF?

“I found out the story behind it later, and thought, That’s just cool.”

1) Without question: LOUDNESS
“Opening the Theater of Pain tour for Mötley, I saw this show at The TCC in Tucson and at The Compton Terrace outside of Phoenix. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard the singer of a Japanese heavy-metal band yell out, ‘ARE YOU LEDDY TO LOCK N LOLL, MUDDA FUCKAS?’ followed by waves and waves of laughter from drunk teenagers.”

 

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1450818913 facebook-1450818913

    Hahaha. I was at that Ozzfest show at the Tweeter Center. Phil was a glorious mess that night. (In that he was either very high or very drunk, but still quite good on the vocals). He *still* likes to tell the audience to “Smoke weed, drop acid, and eat pussy until your jaw drops off”. I caught a drum head that Vinnie threw into the audience once, and Phil had signed the thing. It said “Boston Rocks, eat more pussy”. I think he has a thing for cunnilingus.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ted.danson.1848 Ted Danson

    I saw pantera in kc in 96 i think it was playing with white zombie and Phil said “What fucking town are we in? What? Someone tell me where we are i seriously i don’t fucking know what town we’re in right now. Then he turned to dimebag and dimebag told him Kansas City, and then phil turned back at the audience and said “Fucking kansas city, man. Fucking Hell.”