Dark Thrones: Hard Rockers WILSON Rate Toilets on the Road, Part 6
Hard-rock outfit WILSON are shitter aficionados. They’ve been rating toilets on the road for a while on their own blog, and now they’re bringing their expertise to RevolverMag.com. The band is currently crossing the country with The Greenery and The Ongoing Concept, from whence they will be educating us on their various bathroom encounters. Here, singer Chad Nicefield drops blog No. 6.
“Holy SLC Booty Funk. Look at that shit basket. I can barely gather the marbles in my brain hole here to muster up ANYTHING positive to lay down for this sad sack of human excrement. This is by far the worst toilet and bowel jiggling experience I have encountered on the Pillage And Destroy tour yet. It maybe even takes the holy grail for worst fartknocker of any WILSON tour period. For starters, this toilet isn’t even caulked in the slightest bit the the floor beneath it. I’m not even sure how my own innards didn’t waif against my feet upon flushing. It sits directly against the wall to the left of it so you have to ride it like a Sit And Bounce and due to the above mentioned caulking conundrum, it feels exactly like a Sit And Bounce. Beyond the obvious lack of tp and plunger all together what you aren’t seeing is that this is a Gerber toilet…fuckin’ kiddin’ me with that shit?? Cmon!! No respectable adult shits in that peasant bowel holder. I wanted to puke just thinking about how terrible the flush was gunna be. NO FUCKING POWER. To top it all off–they had one of those rotating pulley towel thingys from the 80′s to dry your hands. I’m no princess here, but I’d rather jerk off Macaulay Culkin’s current boner than touch that cum rag. 0 out of 10 bungholes here.”