Dark Thrones: Hard Rockers Wilson Rate Toilets on the Road, Part 7

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Hard-rock outfit Wilson are shitter aficionados. They’ve been rating toilets on the road for a while on their own blog, and now they’re bringing their expertise to RevolverMag.com. The band is currently crossing the country with He is Legend and Maylene and the Sons of Disaster, from whence they will be educating us on their various bathroom encounters. Here, singer Chad Nicefield drops blog No. 7.

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Ever wanted to Eiffel Tower a turd with your best buddy before? Ya?! Well, then Birmingham, AL has just the tools you are looking for.

I initially wanted this review to include a ‘special guest hole’ where myself and one of the other 17 of us on the Mega Deaf Tour would shit simultaneously and share our thoughts in a brief tutorial called “Everyone Poops….Together,” but my bowels were the only ones grumpy enough to make the move at the time. So here I shit alone, with no hand to hold. Even in the bathroom, tour gets lonely….but let’s get to this.

Check it out, this venue manged to not only create one ‘Gummo-esq’ mongoloid of a toilet bowl out of abandoned dumpster finds, but TWO! Yes, TWO toilets pieced together from parts people shat on from what looks to be the prohibition era…can you say whiskey shits?? The boxes they made for tanks look like they were crafted using lumber from the woods of the rape scene in the original ‘I Spit On Your Grave’…and just as brutal to sit against.​

With the lack of a plunger and almost ALL necessary amenities, on top of the Sloth-style toilets I want to give this place a 0 out 10…however, because of their obvious ingenuity, humor and the fact they created a Buddy System I have yet to see…I’m gunna slap ‘em with a 3 out of 10.

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