Live Report: Cannibal Corpse on the Rocks Off Cruise, New York City, November 28

Chris KrovatinChris Krovatin is the author of three young adult novels, Heavy Metal & You, Venomous, and Gravediggers: Mountain of Bones. He is currently working on multiple new writing projects, as well as new material with his local New York metal band Flaming Tusk. He is a contributing writer for Revolver and generally comes off as a good-natured pain in everyone’s collective ass. This column represents his opinions–and probably only his opinions.

  • Location of this death-metal show: A small cruise ship making a large loop around the East River.
  • Reason for this venue: Anyone’s guess. Must have been cheaper than playing B.B. King’s.
  • Plus side: The ship is small, so it’s like a intimate club show, a la L’Amour.
  • Amount of time before the show that I knew it existed: Two hours, 40 minutes.
  • General feeling while navigating floating walkways to the ship: This is some Dethklok shit right here.
  • Tagline for the night: If you go to one death-metal show this year that actually moves under the Manhattan bridge…
  • Temperature outside tonight: Cold as tits.
  • Temperature within the ship: Hot as balls.
  • Number of metalheads in attendance: Approximately 80.
  • Number of female metalheads in attendance: Six. Maybe eight.
  • Missed connections section of this blog: You: black hair, a little shorter than me, round face, sleeveless shirt, possibly Asian. Me: inappropriate collared shirt—I came from work—soaked with sweat. Did we have an unspoken moment? Probably not.
  • Odds of meeting a woman at a Cannibal Corpse show who is not there with her likely-terrifying boyfriend: 4,206/1
  • Price of a Budweiser aboard the ship: $5
  • Sad reality: That’s really not that bad for a beer in New York. Maybe more metal bands should book these cruise shows.
  • Other refreshments: Free ziti buffet.
  • I’m sorry, what?: A free baked ziti and Caesar salad buffet. Again, this cruise concert thing might have to happen more often.
  • First up: Misery Index from Bodymore, Murderland.
  • Sounds like: Two parts old-school grindcore, one part brutal groovy death metal, all with a coating of political outrage and misanthropic disgust.
  • Sad realization: With the bands playing at floor level and everyone jammed up front, you maybe get to actually see one band member for about 20 seconds.
  • New experience of the night: Moshing on a boat.
  • Noteworthy fact: A boat’s rocking can throw your mosh rhythm all off. It’s infuriating.
  • Favorite song of the set: “The Seventh Cavalry” with its slow, muscular crush.
  • Best piece of merch available: It forever shall be the Cannibal Corpse ‘I Cum Blood’ thong.
  • Best thing to hear directly behind you before a Cannibal Corpse set: “I might ralf.”
  • Next: Cannibal Corpse from Tampa, Florida.
  • Sounds like: Entrails, ripped from a virgin’s cunt.
  • Crowd reaction: Cauldron of hate, rotten body landslide, pit of zombies.
  • Huge realization: Now that I see him on the ground, vocalist George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher is not eight feet tall with flaming bile pouring out of his eyes. Go figure!
  • Incredible stage banter: “How’s everyone doing in the back? I mean, I hope good, but I can only see three people from down here, and no one’s going anywhere, so…”
  • New classics: “Evisceration Plague” and the absolutely neck-wrecking “Scourge of Iron.”
  • Old favorites: “Covered in Sores” and “Fucked aith a Knife.”
  • Least favorite dude in the pit: The guy in the hat who likes to grab my shoulder and use me as a post to balance himself so he can do his karate kicks.
  • Oh look: After doing his kung fu moves and getting tossed around, he’s coming back to use my shoulder a second and third time! Jackass.
  • Classic closers: “Hammer Smashed Face” and “Stripped, Raped, and Strangled.”
  • Unpleasant aromas experienced post-show: Everyone, the harbor, my balls.
  • Drop-off point: 23rd and FDR Drive. Great, now I get to walk the seven avenue blocks in the cold to the R train.
  • Regrets: None.

 

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  • http://www.facebook.com/melissa.sutherland2 Dale Sutherland

    That was a real funny read lol.I’ve always wanted to see Cannibal Corpse live,maybe one day if they come to London,Ontario? The odds of that are pretty slim though! London’s population is roughly 320,000 & they do have some decent metal bands come through from Detroit on their way to Toronto or vice-versa but there very few & far between.I remember seeing Obituary in 1997 in London & that was such an awesome show!