NSFW: Bloody Hammers Frontman Anders Manga Picks the Top Five Deadliest Vaginas

Co-founded by metal lifer Phil Anselmo and true-crime author Corey Mitchell, the inaugural Housecore Horror Film Festival goes down in Austin, Texas, October 25 – 27. Brazilian horror legend Coffin Joe will be there, Nekromantik director Jörg Buttgereit will be there, The Manson Family director Jim VanBebber, Goblin will be there live-scoring a screening of Susperia while Mayhem vocalist Attila Csihar will provide a live score to The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari in his Void ov Voices alter ego. Down, Crowbar, Eyehategod, and Warbeast will play, as will Anselmo’s solo project, Philip H. Anselmo & the Illegals. All in all, it will be a sick, twisted, and terrifying experience for all who attend. In anticipation of the event, various members of the HHFF staff and bands will be providing weekly lists on a variety of ghoulish topics; here, Anders Manga–the frontman of one of  the other performing bands, Bloody Hammers–picks the Top Five Deadliest Vaginas.

“Some might consider this a NSFW Top Five, but it’s important to raise awareness about dangers of the vagina. Take heed, young men and women, you must protect yourself at all times when venturing south for the first time on a female. Cases in point…”

1. Tokyo Gore Police “Although rare, your girl’s vagina could morph into an alligator and eat your arms like this poor uninformed man.”

2. Evil Clutch / Il bosco 1 “Make no mistake! Lobster-like claws can emerge from vaginas, as well documented in this clip from Italy. Be sure to keep a sharp axe handy like this wise dude in the clip if it’s your first time heading to third base with your new lady friend.

3. Teeth “Take warning that the Vagina Dentata is alive and well in America. Being naïve can leave you fingerless or wienerless like these naysayers in the clip. Even this poor gynecologist who should know better loses a few digits.”


Teeth by IllinoisSmith

4. Slices of Life “Girls beware! As you know, pussy be yankin’ and the Vagina Dentata can indeed jump from one coochie to another. If you suspect one of your girlfriends might possess a Vagina Dentata, be sure to keep your vagina covered at all times to prevent the menace from entering you. Only wear chastity belts or at least pants around your friend and avoid skirts like this poor incognizant woman…”

5. Undead Pool “Never…evvvvveeeerrr steal a girl’s swimsuit then taunt her with it! They hate that, and statistics show, if there are no witnesses, girls will shoot said thief with their fueled by satan vagina death ray 90 percent of the time. Avoid bodily explosion simply by not stealing swimsuits unlike this idiot in the clip.”

“Be sure to share these crucial Top Five tips for staying alive around the vagina. For more health tips, be sure to see Bloody Hammers live at the Housecore Horror Film Festival!”

 

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  • BudMoore

    This has got to one of the most twisted, demented, disgusting articles I’ve ever seen on Revolver, EVER, hands down!! I LIKED IT! LOLOL!!!

    • Bob Bob

      Anders should know about deadly pussies…He is one. Just check out that photo.

      • Bob Bob

        Cool article.

  • Wizard Stew

    awesome. looking forward to HHFF and Bloody Hammers!

  • Justin Warner

    fear no evil vaginas! cool to see Bloody Hammers supported on Revolver!