LOVE AND SEX ADVICE FROM REVOLVER’S HOTTEST SEX ADVICE BLOGGER (WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT)

As a proud owner of a vagina, and daughter of a gynecologist, I feel more than qualified to offer up honest, raw, and unadulterated advice regarding all things related to sex, the human body, and relationships. So, all you metalhead freaks out there, please email me your most dire, dirty, sick, and twisted questions about women and the way we work, from our emotional hearts to our even more complicated parts. Email me at RevolvHer@gmail.com.

Dear RevolvHER,
I'm fairly young, and basically like any other teenage chick, I'm dying to be in a normal relationship. I've had rocky relationships before, but I just want a boyfriend so I can feel good about myself for once. Problem is, I have a reputation as a skank at my school (which is totally not true—the farthest I've gone is just making out). I don't want guys to like me because they think they can get it on with me. I'm totally not like that. Also, I have a weird personality. I'm very misogynistic and a big misanthrope. I'm not super skinny and I'm not fat. I'm very in-between.

P.S. Are you still going to do the Hottest Guys in Metal even though you're not the photo director anymore?

Hey Roze,
So my 31-year-old codependent self is going to talk to your future codependent self and I’m going to tell you that you should most definitely NOT waste your time worrying about finding a boy to make you feel good about yourself. You are maybe a bit insecure, feeling like an outsider, and you think that some guy telling you that you’re pretty and worthwhile will miraculously make all your pain go away. It might temporarily be the fix that you need, but over time you will find that it never really fills the void. You will chase that high from boy to man to boy to man, until you wake up one day and realize that you really should have been learning to love yourself that whole time. (Cue the violins).

In a perfect universe, if you were a well adjusted, confident young girl, you would take these precious young years to work on yourself and your future. Find the things that make you happy, and find friends that make you feel supported. Avoid people that talk shit about you and spread rumors. Also, your weight and body might seem like an important aspect to nabbing dudes for you right now, but when you are older, you are going to be so bummed out that you wasted all this time hating and critiquing yourself. I know this as a fact. A lot of awesome men don’t give a shit if you are a little fat or a little skinny; they just like girls, and the good ones won’t care about your body. So that is all of my sage, old-lady advice.

Now, in reality, we both know that this is never going to happen! You will still want to find a boyfriend and get high off him telling you that you rock. Just remember when you are on your teenage manhunt, that you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you to figure out what constitutes a “normal” relationship. And when you do, please let me and the rest of the world know! Keep your eyes open for a boy that doesn’t pressure you to move too fast, that encourages you to do things that you love, that makes you feel good about yourself, and respects you, and most of all, a boy that you have fun with. He could just turn into your buddy, or he could turn into a lover, but whatever happens, please wear a condom!

As far as my Hottest Guys in Metal list goes, I will do one every once in a while, but the “per issue” thing was getting kind of old. No one quite understood that I was picking men from each issue. Also, it seemed that the same guys were showing up in the magazine month after month so the lists were getting redundant. In a few months I will do another master list of the official Hottest Men in Metal. Feel free to send me your suggestions and thanks for reading my blogs!
xxx
RevolvHER