LOVE AND SEX ADVICE FROM REVOLVER’S HOTTEST SEX ADVICE BLOGGER (WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT)

As a proud owner of a vagina, and daughter of a gynecologist, I feel more than qualified to offer up honest, raw, and unadulterated advice regarding all things related to sex, the human body, and relationships. So, all you metalhead freaks out there, please email me your most dire, dirty, sick, and twisted questions about women and the way we work, from our emotional hearts to our even more complicated parts. Email me at RevolvHer@gmail.com.

Hiya,
I’ve been reading you blog since last year and I have enjoyed all of them. I am in my late 30s and wondering if that means that I need to stop doing what I have been doing for the last seven years. I am a player. I drive the cool car, and I act the part. What I am trying to say is, I love girls, all girls, but especially chubby girls. I love hugging and holding big girls; it fills me with true joy. Anyway, what I do is go out, mostly on the weekends, and find myself a girl who looks like she wants to rock all night long. I tend to go for the ones that are dressed sleazy, ’cause they tend to be the ones into going home with me. I have never been in love, but I have been with around 118 women. I know most people will think I am lying, but I’m not. I have gotten around and have kept count. I’ve been with women from all over the world; I’m like the U.N.! But the thing is, all is fun and good and until the morning after. I wake and I’m not happy; I only enjoy the women when I am lusting after them. After the sex, I feel nothing. My question is, do I keep going on like this? Will the girls still be coming around to “just fuck” a 40- or 50-year-old?
Metal Dick

Dearest Metal Dick,
Please stop for a moment, take your cock out of number 119 and follow me here with this visualization exercise. First, close your eyes and visualize yourself at 50, going to metal shows and hitting on those chubby, baby-faced, scantily clad, sex-hungry cuties. Yeah, I bet that’s a sweet visual and that it makes you hard. Then change gears and visualize yourself at 50, sitting on a porch, sipping coffee, listening to Black Sabbath, with your hand on the supple thigh of a girl that you respect, love, and who you look forward to seeing every day. Then, go back and visualize yourself at 50 waking up next to a girl that you wish would vanish from your bed quicker than the load you shot the night before. Which of these scenarios do you think will be more fulfilling for you in the long term, as you get older? I can’t answer that for you. Hopefully this visualization exercise got you thinking about what you want. You might realize that you don’t want to get honest or deep with one woman. You might be more interested in driving a sweet car, and wracking up notches on your bedpost than in enduring the stresses and rewards that go along with trying to make a monogamous, long-term relationship work. It’s true; you have to put in a lot of work to maintain a mutually respectful, strong bond with another person. I hope all the work reaps the pleasure of growing old with someone and having a partner on the porch when you're 75. But what do I know? Maybe your long-term relationship goal is hitting on the nurses at your future convalescent home and bragging to the other geezers about how many plump asses you tapped back in the day.
xxx
RevolvHER