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Review: Austrian Death Machine — Jingle All The Way

Review: Austrian Death Machine — Jingle All The Way

The latest release by Austrian Death Machine, the Schwarzenegger-themed death-metal side project of As I Lay Dying’s Tim Lambesis, is their first festive release since 2008’s A Very Brutal Christmas EP, Jingle All the Way takes the joke one step further, with each of its three tracks taking on an aspect of Ahh-nold’s 1996 holiday comedy of the same name. Nevertheless, the music is pretty straightforward melodic metalcore, with twisting riffs, stomping breakdowns, and harmonized solos in the style of Killswitch Engage or All That Remains. But in that respect, it’s all a little predictable.

The lyrics, most of which are about trying to obtain the much-coveted Turbo Man doll, are pretty hilarious, if you take the time to listen to them, but in truth, you’ll more likely spend more time training your ear for the band’s occasional Schwarzenegger impressions, which, when they happen, are deeply satisfying. The opener proclamation of “AYUM NAAHT A PUUUH-VUUHT!” (that's "I am not a pervert!") is laugh-out-loud funny, but after that, the EP is uninspiring overall.

This band is not meant to blow minds, it’s meant to bust guts. (You might assume that, while writing a lyric like “It’s time to get moving/It’s time to break free/IT’S TURBO TIME,” Lambesis is at home laughing his ass off—and if he can get paid for that, awesome.) Unfortunately, the results are unremarkable. But what do you expect? It’s an album about the worst movie ever. CHRIS KROVATIN

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