Contributing writer Chris “Black Jellybean” Krovatin is the author of two young adult novels, Heavy Metal & You and Venomous. He is currently working on multiple new writing projects, as well as new material with his New York metal band Flaming Tusk. Many people call Chris an alcoholic. He prefers the term “mixologist.” Join him as he makes a series of potables inspired on songs and albums by his favorite extreme-metal bands and serves them to his unwitting friends.
Welcome to the first installment of Heavy Metal Cocktail Hour. Here’s the skinny: As a metalhead, I drink a lot of fucking beer and whiskey, and that’s just great. But every so often, I want a drink that’s a little tastier and a little more intricate than my usual shot and tall boy. Therefore, I’ve come up with a number of cocktail/drink combination inspired on my favorite metal songs and albums. First up, a tasty beverage based on the works of thrashers Coroner.
For those familiar with their music, Zurich’s Coroner holds a special place in metal’s dark past. More thrashy and technical than predecessors Celtic Frost, but far more atmospheric and experimental than Kreator, Coroner’s distinct sound created a badass musical texture that later death- and black-metal bands would strive to achieve. There is a malevolent blackness pervading tracks like “Voyage to Eternity” and “Suicide Command” that seems at odds with the band’s bright and whirling sound, but ultimately only makes the band more of a unique pleasure.
My Coroner cocktail needed to be speedy to accompany the band’s pace, but black and bitter to represent the band’s dark undertones. More so, I wanted it to have bite, the kind of flavor that gets you smacking your lips and hungry for more. Therefore, I decided to make this cocktail a coffee-based drink, and to add the spice with some more respectable liquors: hence, the scotch and Goldschlager. Finally, for a garnish, something disgusting and flavorful had to be chosen—a sugarcube, a piece of candy, something like that. Sounds repulsive, right? That’s just how I like it.
[futureusgallerycaption id="attachment_15955" align="alignright" width="368" caption="Coroner, 'Fried Alive"]
Coroner, ‘Fried Alive’
2 oz. blended scotch
1 oz Goldschlager
1 oz cold espresso
Black jellybean
Ground cinnamon
Mix scotch, Goldschalger, and espresso in a cocktail shaker. Shake to blend. Strain into chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with jellybean, sprinkle cinnamon on top.
Reactions from Friends:
Alex: This isn’t so bad. I could drink more than one of these.
Maddy: Yeah, dude, this is all right. The cold coffee is really important.
Bernard: I think you need more cinnamon. It’s a little too wet and bitter, and needs that sharpness.
Andy: I like it. Really not that bad compared to some of the other drinks we’ve been making.
Final Rating:
Hail! Coroner’s ‘Fried Alive’ proves a success! This murky concoction has a pleasant bitterness that stays in the mouth and goes down easy. The scotch and coffee are smoky and pleasant, but the Goldschalger, cinnamon, and jellybean give the drink a sweetness that offsets the overwhelming bitterness. However, the highly scientific polling suggests that minor tweaking involving even more sweetness—a sugarcube over a jellybean, maybe an entire cinnamon stick as a garnish—would improve upon the flavor. Definitely a good hangover drink, that’s for sure!
If you or your dirtbag friends can come up with metal-themed cocktails, send your recipes to krovatinc@gmail.com. Remember, though, these should be metal-themed and original, not the usual headbanger fare like Blacktooth Grins and Butt Burners. Use your imagination, and get slaughtered!
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