Leading up to the end of the year, Revolver has asked some of our favorite artists to pick their Top Albums of 2012 and tell us why each record rules. Here, Nathan Opposition (pictured left), vocalist of the acoustic occult-rock band Ancient VVisdom, selects his faves.
5. Pallbearer, Sorrow and Extinction
“American doom with great melodies and triumphant guitar harmonies.”
4. The Rolling Stones, GRRR!
“They still got it!”
3. Non, Back to Mono
“A marvelous portrait of sonic destruction.”
2. Cold Cave, A Little Death to Laugh
“Dark mood, moving pace, brooding lyrics. I’m morbidly obsessed.”
1. Electric Wizard, Legalise Drugs and Murder EP
“Classic Electric Wizard! Everything I have ever loved about them.”
Chris “Fatneck McFlabbyass” Krovatin is the author of two young adult novels, Heavy Metal & You and Venomous. He is currently working on multiple new writing projects, as well as new material with his local New York metal band Flaming Tusk. He is a freelance writer for Revolver and generally comes off as a good-natured pain in everyone’s collective ass.
Let me be frank with you guys: I totally love Revolver’s Hottest Chicks in Hard Rock issue. It’s arguably my highlight of the heavy-music-magazine year (second only, of course, to the Hit Parader Dick-Touching Tournament). Now, while some readers may snicker and say, “Of course you do, Chris, you fat fucking onanist,” you’re missing the point. The issue is rarely tawdry or disrespectful, but rather a reminder to myself, and hopefully to others out there, that there are many confident, talented, and beautiful women making extreme music right now. (To be fair, though, as a man who likes his women reality-based, the issue could use a plus-size metal chick or two.)
Similarly, I don’t respect an all-male metal band unless at least one of them looks like he’s going to eat my face, take 30 shits, and die. For dudes in extreme metal, hideousness is currency; in fact, the misshapen mugs of Jagger, Vicious, and Kilmeister lead me to believe that rock and roll itself is saturated with a tradition of calculated freakishness amongst men, which only adds to their overall sexiness. When I see a metal singer trying to gyrate me into submission, I get pissed; when he looks like the thing next to the trashcan I passed on the way through the parking lot, I’m down like a clown. So, step right up, Golden Gods and gross bastards alike, for my picks for the Six Hottest Chicks and Ugliest Dudes in Metal.
The Six Hottest Chicks In Metal:
1) Doro Pesch Not only is Doro still incredibly fine in her 40s, she’s also unspeakably metal. When you imagine a post-apocalyptic warrior woman, you think of Doro Pesch. No. 1, easily.
2) Liz Buckingham of Electric Wizard Every metalhead dreams of finding a cute blonde in a denim vest who just wants to smoke weed, worship Satan, and play thunderous doom-metal guitar all day. So simply put: Ms. Buckingham is every metalhead male’s dream come true.
3) Karen Cuda of Nashville Pussy The streaky-haired bassist for Southern metal’s filthiest band is an energetic biker babe built for sin. There’s something enchanting about a woman who might beat you up…
4) Sean Yseult of White Zombie With the face of a cherub, the bass of a mortician, and the threads of a sideshow freak, Ms. Yseult will always be remembered as as the band member who brought credible sexiness to one of the sexiest bands in metal. Unless you’re really into dreadlocks and cowboy hats.
5) Grace Perry of Landmine Marathon Not only is Landmine Marathon’s singer one of the most brutifal vocalists in metal, but she’s incredibly nice, and a Trekkie. So a smoking nerd who screams death metal. Jesus.
6) Dr. Mikannibal of Sigh This stunning saxophonist-vocalist for Japan’s premiere black-metal troupe has a PhD in physics and records her parts in the nude. Just be careful, boys—on her MySpace page, her first two interests are “prostate” and “urethra.” Yikes…
The Six Ugliest Dudes In Metal:
1) Erik Rutan of Hate Eternal The best death-metal vocalists are the ones who actually look like they’re going to murder you in a cave and eat your bones. Well, this guy has bone-eater written all over his severe, misanthropic face.
2) Billy Milano of S.O.D. I feel like it’s one thing to have a mean-looking frontman, but it’s another one entirely if he’s an offensive, lumbering, drug-crazed fat fuck. Points to metal’s funniest band for their freakish singer.
3) Devin Townsend: OK, these days, the genius behind Strapping Young Lad et al. looks like this (see left). But remember, he once looked like this. Oh yeah. You can’t un-see it.
4) William Murderface of Dethklok This unhygienic, overweight, club-footed gap-toothed piece-of-shit bassist is a perfect representation of everything disgusting about death metal. What can I tell you, pobody’s nerfect.
5) It of Abruptum Fuck glam metal, it’s all about getting laid. Let’s be the anti-glam and try to never, ever get laid! I know! Let’s hire a repulsive corpse-paint-caked dwarf for a frontman! Brilliant work, everyone!
6) Oderus Urungus of Gwar Say it with me now, kids: OH GOD NO.
Contributing writer Chris “Pear Vodka” Krovatin is the author of two young adult novels, Heavy Metal & You and Venomous. He is currently working on multiple new writing projects, as well as new material with his New York metal band Flaming Tusk. Many people call Chris an alcoholic. He prefers the term “mixologist.” Join him as he makes a series of potables based on songs and albums by his favorite extreme-metal bands and serves them to his unwitting friends.
Ah, the dulcet sounds of Electric Wizard. With a brilliant mixture of Dennis Wheatley–inspired Satanism, bikerish sexuality, and chalk-white clouds of weed smoke, this British stoner-doom band has entranced potheads for over a decade with their crushing sound and brilliantly clever lyrical themes. (I’m especially a fan of their recent Hammer Horror-inspired trend of writing songs about “Count Drugula”). Their sound is like Sabbath on steroids, like H.P. Lovecraft’s ghost screaming at the bottom of a lake of bong water, like the Devil we all love, the Man of Wealth and Taste, playing a game of poker with a pack of drunk werewolves. So, of course, I needed to make a drink for them.
This drink, named after the band’s sextastic bondage dirge “Torquemada ’71”, reflects the band’s style—delicious, infectious, sweet, but powerful as the dickens. I modeled the basic ingredients after a Zombie; I was saddened by not being able to find Tiki glasses in time for the mixing. The special additions were the nutmeg (stolen from a Rum Punch, for flavor), the Absinthe (to make it green, like, you know, weed), the limeade (ditto), and the ganja (originally, I planned to sprinkle some on top, but that’s a waste). Let’s stir this cauldron together and see what happens…
[futureusgallerycaption id="attachment_17838" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Electric Wizard's 'Torquemada '71'"]
Electric Wizard’s “Torquemada ’71”
2 oz dark rum
2 oz light rum
1/2 oz pear vodka
2 oz limeade
1 ½ oz ginger ale
Absinthe
Nutmeg
Marijuana
Blend ingredients in a Collins glass (Tikis are also allowed) filled with ice. Float the absinthe on top, add a pinch of freshly grated nutmeg. Smoke marijuana, then sip and feel the green.
Reactions:
ALEX: This is actually pretty tasty, in a sweet drink sort of way.
MADDY: Definitely a success. It’s kind of a beach drink.
BERNARD: The absinthe adds some good flavor to it—a little minty, and nice.
ANDY: The weed helps, too.
FINAL RATING: HAIL! Though the ingredients were a little lady-like (pear vodka, really?), the resulting drink is absolutely delicious, and goes well with a cloud of smoke and a stupid grin. If you ever find yourself on a beach with a bunch of metalheads, definitely order a chosen few of these barbaric concoctions.
If you or your friends can come up with metal-themed cocktails, send your recipes to krovatinc@gmail.com. Remember, though, these should be metal-themed, not the usual fare like Blacktooth Grins and Butt Burners. Use your imagination, and get slaughtered!
]]>“No Grace” opens the album with a shockingly original and bizarrely phrased riff, while the vocals strike a screeching cadence that resounds from the deepest, trippiest corners of doom and black metal. The end of the track shows the black-metal influence at its most obvious with a soaring, hauntingly gorgeous riff that would sound at home on Weakling’s Dead as Dreams.
Admittedly, the band isn’t as rifftastic as Electric Wizard may have been in their prime, but the music hits just as hard with a psychedelic murkiness and hazy focus on rhythmic variation, as on the title track’s clashing opening riff. Nevertheless, the eight-minute epic gets a little tiring by song’s end, and the following tracks don’t do much to drag the listener back down the rabbit hole. The bleak, dejecting acoustic interlude “Supplicants” breaks up the monotony just in time, setting up the album’s closer, “Benality,” another epic in both length and sonic satisfaction.
Overall, the album is easily one of the most bewitching, hypnotizing, beautiful doom/sludge albums since Wizard’s Dopethrone. Nothing has sounded more genuinely evil and distressing in a long time. CODY THOMAS
]]>
Brandon Geist
Editor in Chief
Tombs, Path of Totality
“This badass NYC band totally blows away their last record with this new one, which isn’t out ’til June 7. A great mix of muscular black metal, shoegazing post-rock, and gothy miserablism.”
Kvelertak, Kvelertak
“Chris Krovatin gave this three stars (read his review here). And it really is just a three-star record. But that doesn’t mean I’m not addicted to it. Rippin’ black-metal-inflected punk rawk, and the perfect soundtrack to a barroom brawl in some Norwegian dive.”
Slayer, God Hates Us All
“Started listening to this again while working on our Big Four special issue, which is out everywhere on April 5—and kicks ass, IMHO. I love Lombardo and it’s cool that he’s back with the band, but this really is the last truly awesome Slayer album, full of memorable riffs and scathing, anthemic lyrics that don’t tip over into self-parody.”
Kory Grow
Senior Editor
Ozzy Osbourne, Blizzard of Ozz, Ozzy Live, and Diary of a Madman Reissues
“These classic albums and newly discovered live recording sound great, thanks to some expert remastering—they come out on May 31. Plus, the previously unreleased Randy Rhoads solo, ‘RR,’ might not be polished enough to challenge Van Halen’s throne for the metal guitar solo on ‘Eruption,’ but it’s pretty damn good.”
Demonaz, March of the Norse
“Finally, the original guitarist in Immortal has released his solo album after tendonitis forced him to bow out of his guitar duties in that group. Guess what? It sounds like Immortal.”
Mogwai, Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will
“Not has heavy as previous releases, this record still has plenty of the gargantuan shoegaze-style riffs that were ripped off so frequently by bands like Isis early last decade.”
Josh Bernstein
Creative Director
Volbeat, Beyond Hell/Above Heaven
“This has been on my weekly playlist since it came out. I have yet to grow tired of it, and enjoy the Hetfield-isms in the vocals more and more each time. ’16 Dollars’ is definitely the new fave.”
Social Distortion, Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell
“In listening to so much Volbeat and reading their cool interview with Mike Ness, I ended up having to naturally revisit some classic Social D. I think I still have the cassette around somewhere.”
Lamb of God, Wrath
“In preparing for my upcoming wedding, I go to the gym every morning, which is brutal— the only thing that gets me through it is this album and Sacrament played back-to-back. I imagine Randy yelling at me to lift more weight.”
Stephen Goggi
Art Director
Lifetime, Hello Bastards
“I’m listening to this album because I have Jersey pride and its the best ’90s punk album to come out of Jersey.”
Radiohead, King of Limbs
“I’m a Radiohead fan even though it seems like every other album they put out is kind of crappy. Haven’t gotten a good listen to this one yet, but thus far I’m digging In Rainbows quite a bit more.”
Bad Religion, No Control
“This one takes me back to high school and cutting class to skate. Ahhh, nostalgia.”
Jimmy Hubbard
Photography Director
Nails, Unsilent Death
Discordance Axis, The Inalienable Dreamless
Red Fang, Murder The Mountains
Samantha Xu
Associate Photo Editor
Ghost, Opus Eponymous
“I like how the singer sounds like Weird Al.”
Death From Above 1979, You’re a Woman, I’m a Machine
“Jealous of all the people who got crushed to death in the riot at their first reunion show at SXSW.”
Electric Wizard, Black Masses
“Pot.”
Josh Hart
Web Producer
Mogwai, Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will
“It’s virtually impossible for Mogwai to please all of their fans on a given record, but for my money Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will is easily their best record since Rock Action. I normally listen to Mogwai for the instrumental goodness, but I don’t even mind the appearance of some auto-tuned vocals on ‘George Square Thatcher Dance Party.’”
Oceansize, Self-Preserved While The Bodies Float Up
“Oceansize are one of my all-time favorite bands, so I was pretty bummed when they announced their breakup recently. Their last record was undoubtedly their heaviest, but like all of Oceansize’s albums, it takes a few spins to really make a strong impression.”
Biohazard, Mata Leão
“Came across ‘These Eyes (Have Seen)’ on shuffle one day this week and had to go back and give Mata Leão a listen. The name means ‘lion killer’ in Portuguese, which is also the name of a blood choke used in Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and that’s pretty fucking metal.”