Chris Krovatin is the author of three young adult novels, Heavy Metal & You, Venomous, and Gravediggers: Mountain of Bones. He is currently working on multiple new writing projects, as well as new material with his local New York metal band Flaming Tusk. He is a contributing writer for Revolver and generally comes off as a good-natured pain in everyone’s collective ass. This column represents his opinions–and probably only his opinions.
It is rare that great albums have great covers. On the odd instance they do, something beautiful occurs, a perfect coupling of music and imagery that cements that record into your mind. But plenty of incredible records have lame faces forward. For every British Steel, there is an Ace of Spades. For every South of Heaven, there is a Bonded By Blood. Sometimes, the lack of an awesome cover makes the album even better–a mind-blowing collection of songs with a solidly “Meh” cover makes the music even cooler, as it stands on its own without the help of flashy graphics. Most importantly, a bad album with a bad cover is the worst thing in the world and should be treated as such. Maybe the “Black Album” doesn’t look as good as Master of Puppets, but we all know Lulu can go fuck itself.
This year in metal was no different than any other. Some bands blew our minds with the evocative imagery, and some really shat the bed in full-force. Of course, underground bands with more investment in actual art took the lead, creating awesome weird cover art that speaks to creative souls, while mainstream artists on major labels pumped out cliché and over-produced pieces of hackneyed crap (though in the case of Tankard, you can’t even blame the big record companies–they just chose poorly). So if you consider yourself an artistic soul or a philistine, enjoy my Six Best and Worst Metal Album Covers of 2012. Damn your eyes.
The Six Best Metal Album Covers of 2012:
1. Sigh, In Somniphobia I wish I could even begin to describe what the fuck is going on here. The way I’m seeing it, the elderly aristocrat is pregnant with her eighth dead baby, and everyone at the Italian outdoor market is overjoyed about it. Incredible, but fuck, man.
2. Black Breath, Sentenced To Life This is like a cooler version of those old Exciter album covers—a single hand, leather-clad, coming out of the darkness and smashing the fourth wall with a sledgehammer. The image is both awesome on its own and a perfect representation of the album’s general atmosphere. Brutal.
3. Lord Mantis, Pervertor Here’s what I’m getting: Christ is in Hell, and a number of corpse-faced ambulatory cocks are using their barbed tongues to explore his newly created vagina. Is…is that what’s going on here? Because if that’s it, I’m really not sure whether I should be overjoyed or very, very worried.
4. Six Feet Under, Undead Not only was Undead a solid and entertaining death-metal album, but it had an absolutely incredible cover, with a whirling mind of evil meat perfectly illustrating the inner workings of the zombie. Finally, these guys figured it out.
5. The Howling Wind, Of Babalon Drawn by the inimitable Tony Roberts, this creeping and sinister cover exudes a sense of organic black magic that many fans dream of. It’s one of the few recent album covers that features a naked woman which doesn’t immediately seem corny to me.
6. Kreator, Phantom Antichrist Wes Benscoter, king among death-metal album artists, has done it again with this twisted, over-the-top illustration of…well, the Phantom Antichrist, I guess? Once again, it’s probably a good sign that I have no exact idea what’s happening here, I just want in.
Honorable mentions: The Northless/Light Bearer split for its creepy electric doom priests, and the Horseback/Locrian split for its giant woodland vagina castle.
The Six Worst Metal Album Covers of 2012:
1. Tankard, A Girl Called Cerveza BLECCH. Nevermind that Tankard’s thrash paeans to beer have gone a little flat over time—this cover is beyond hideous. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve all drank enough to flirt with a broad like this, but ugh. Why would you even. GYAH.
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2. Geoff Tate, Kings and Thieves I promise, as much as I find Geoff Tate a ridiculous cornball, I won’t make fun of his album cover if it’s—oh, wait, it’s a confused mess reminiscent of 2008 with its fleur de lis and ravens. Is the one raven stuck? How does this relate to the album? Man, you’re batting a thousand, Geoff.
3. In This Moment, Blood Remember what I said about naked chicks in the last list? Case in point. Between teasing us with naked women that are then weird mannequins and showcasing Maria Brink (are there other members to this band?), In This Moment lost the plot with this album cover. Cool title—wish you’d done something here with it. So the record’s about what? Boobs or crows?
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4. Ministry, Relapse Whelp, sometimes the mighty fall far. The gods of metallic industrial have graced us with the image of a fat, foaming-at-the-mouth ODing metal dude in a…church? Or something? Ugh. This
5. Adrenaline Mob, Omerta BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH! Guys, let’s not do this. Everything going on here has been done better by bands like Volbeat and Chrome Division. The rings on the skeletons finger only make me think of some jackass rapper, any jackass rapper. And the devil/angel girl card? Grow the fuck up.
6. Yngwie Malmsteen’s Rising Force, Spellbound What. An. Asshole.
It’s Tuesday–the day that music comes out–and this one sees shit from All That Remains, Geoff Tate, HIM, and more out in stores. Check out the list of releases below and let us know which ones you have already or are planning to pick up.
- All That Remains – A War You Cannot Win
- Anaal Nathrakh – Vanitas
- Bane – The Acausal Fire
- Corrosion of Conformity – Eye for an Eye reissue
- Davey Suicide – Put Your Trust In Suicide EP
- Doomsday – Doomsday
- Doro – Raise Your Fist
- Dragged Into Sunlight – Widowmaker
- Geoff Tate – Kings & Thieves
- Graveyard – Lights Out
- HIM – XX: Two Decades of Love Metal
- Isis – Temporal
- Iwrestledabearonce – A Beary Scary Movie DVD
- Megadeth – Countdown To Extinction: 20th Anniversary Edition
- Otep – Sounds Like Armageddon
- The Seeking – Yours Forever
- Strife – Witness a Rebirth
- Tiamat – The Scarred People
- Underoath – Anthology 1999-2013
- While She Sleeps – This Is the Six
Check out “Dark Money” off Kings & Thieves below:
Queensrÿche frontman Geoff Tate made a surprise appearance at American Idol season 10 finalist James Durbin’s wedding reception on New Year’s Eve, launching into a duet with Durbin of “Take Hold of the Flame.” The song is a favorite of Durbin, who released his debut album—Memories of a Beautiful Disaster—last November, and his new bride Heidi Lowe.
Tate has also revealed plans for a selection of acoustic solo dates on the West Coast, billed as “Geoff Tate and Friends.” Tour dates below.
01/27 Agoura Hills, CA, the Canyon Club
01/28 San Diego, CA, Anthology
01/29 San Juan Capistrano, CA, the Coach House
01/31 Grass Valley, CA, Center for the Arts
01/01 Chico, CA, El Rey
02/02 Napa, CA, Uptown
02/04 Snoqualmie, WA, Finaghty’s
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Queensrÿche will be performing their 1988 concept album Operation: Mindcrime in its entirety aboard the ShipRocked cruise, with In This Moment frontwoman Maria Brink performing the role of Sister Mary, previously voiced by Pamela Moore.
Brink, who will also be performing with In This Moment on the cruise, spoke of her joy at being asked to perform vocals on the 10-minute opus “Suite Sister Mary”: ““I am so excited and grateful for this amazing opportunity to sing with Queensrÿche on the upcoming ShipRocked cruise! All of us in the band are huge Queensrÿche fans, and Geoff Tate is one of the best lead singers in the business. Getting to sing ‘Suite Sister Mary’ off the original Mindcrime album is a huge honor. This is going to be a cruise to remember!”
Queensrÿche frontman Geoff Tate also expressed his anticipation for the band’s second stint upon the cruise. “We’ve always enjoyed performing for our fans in intimate settings and the forthcoming ShipRocked cruise will certainly be one of those occasions. We’re calling this one, ‘Mutiny on the Mindcrime.‘
ShipRocked sets sail from Fort Lauderdale, FL, on November 14, stopping in the Mexican ports of Costa Maya and Cozumel, before returning on November 19.
If you haven’t done so already, you can get a hold of Revolver‘s Hottest Chicks in Hard Rock issue, featuring Maria Brink, by clicking here. You can also pick up the 2012 Hottest Chicks in Hard Rock calendar with a spread featuring Brink here.
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