Contributing writer Chris “Pear Vodka” Krovatin is the author of two young adult novels, Heavy Metal & You and Venomous. He is currently working on multiple new writing projects, as well as new material with his New York metal band Flaming Tusk. Many people call Chris an alcoholic. He prefers the term “mixologist.” Join him as he makes a series of potables based on songs and albums by his favorite extreme-metal bands and serves them to his unwitting friends.
Ah, the dulcet sounds of Electric Wizard. With a brilliant mixture of Dennis Wheatley–inspired Satanism, bikerish sexuality, and chalk-white clouds of weed smoke, this British stoner-doom band has entranced potheads for over a decade with their crushing sound and brilliantly clever lyrical themes. (I’m especially a fan of their recent Hammer Horror-inspired trend of writing songs about “Count Drugula”). Their sound is like Sabbath on steroids, like H.P. Lovecraft’s ghost screaming at the bottom of a lake of bong water, like the Devil we all love, the Man of Wealth and Taste, playing a game of poker with a pack of drunk werewolves. So, of course, I needed to make a drink for them.
This drink, named after the band’s sextastic bondage dirge “Torquemada ’71”, reflects the band’s style—delicious, infectious, sweet, but powerful as the dickens. I modeled the basic ingredients after a Zombie; I was saddened by not being able to find Tiki glasses in time for the mixing. The special additions were the nutmeg (stolen from a Rum Punch, for flavor), the Absinthe (to make it green, like, you know, weed), the limeade (ditto), and the ganja (originally, I planned to sprinkle some on top, but that’s a waste). Let’s stir this cauldron together and see what happens…
[futureusgallerycaption id="attachment_17838" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Electric Wizard's 'Torquemada '71'"]
Electric Wizard’s “Torquemada ’71”
2 oz dark rum
2 oz light rum
1/2 oz pear vodka
2 oz limeade
1 ½ oz ginger ale
Absinthe
Nutmeg
Marijuana
Blend ingredients in a Collins glass (Tikis are also allowed) filled with ice. Float the absinthe on top, add a pinch of freshly grated nutmeg. Smoke marijuana, then sip and feel the green.
Reactions:
ALEX: This is actually pretty tasty, in a sweet drink sort of way.
MADDY: Definitely a success. It’s kind of a beach drink.
BERNARD: The absinthe adds some good flavor to it—a little minty, and nice.
ANDY: The weed helps, too.
FINAL RATING: HAIL! Though the ingredients were a little lady-like (pear vodka, really?), the resulting drink is absolutely delicious, and goes well with a cloud of smoke and a stupid grin. If you ever find yourself on a beach with a bunch of metalheads, definitely order a chosen few of these barbaric concoctions.
If you or your friends can come up with metal-themed cocktails, send your recipes to krovatinc@gmail.com. Remember, though, these should be metal-themed, not the usual fare like Blacktooth Grins and Butt Burners. Use your imagination, and get slaughtered!
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