Chris Krovatin is the author of two young adult novels, Heavy Metal & You and Venomous. He is currently working on multiple new writing projects, as well as new material with his local New York metal band Flaming Tusk. He is a freelance writer for Revolver, and generally comes off as a good-natured pain in everyone's collective ass.

This past Saturday, I went to see Incantation, who played with Mortician in Brooklyn. Here's what happened.

First time I heard about this show: August.

First thought upon hearing about this show: Fuck yeah, Mortician!

Notable aspect of this concert: Incantation are to play their legendary album Onward to Golgotha in its entirety.

More notable aspect: Fucking Mortician!

Arrival time at Europa: 7:00 P.M.

Door time, according to Europa’s website: 6:00 P.M.

Seems a little early: But whatever, this is supposed to be some big metal party, right?

Band banners onstage upon arrival: Fatalist. Guess we missed them.

Between-band time passer: Another Budweiser, please.

Time spent waiting for the next band to come onstage: An hour. Huh?

Shirt bought: A Mortician shirt with the classic double-axe NYDM logo on the back. Brutal.

Sad merch fact: No Hacked Up for Barbecue or Darkest Day of Horror shirts! Denied!

Words overheard repeatedly in the bathroom: “9:30 curfew.” Wait a second, what?

Time a single speaker gets loaded onstage: 8:40. Uh-oh.

Local metal journalist encountered: Atanamar, writer of the awesome Mindful Of Metal blog.

According to Atanamar: Incantation were providing the backline for the entire show and got stuck in George Washington Bridge traffic. Meanwhile, the club has a 9:30 curfew, at which point the metal concert is over and their White Party, which is described to me as a Polish mob dance party, takes over the space. So now, Incantation have to play as much of Golgotha as they can in what time they have.

Hold on: Are you fucking kidding me?

First band on: Is it…oh, it’s Mortician! That’s “Zombie Apocalypse!”

Sounds like: The fattest, scariest serial killer you’ve ever met chopping you down with a meat cleaver and then resurrecting your corpse so he can do it again.

Favorite track played: “Blown To Pieces.”

Amount of time Mortician play for: 15 minutes, at most.

Next up: Incantation, from Johnstown, Pennsylvania.

Sounds like: Rot-faced demons with chainsaws running through a post-apocalyptic wasteland and mutilating any idiots stupid enough to get in their way.

Amount of time Incantation are allowed to play: 30 minutes, tops. Golgotha is a 40-plus-minute album.

Unceremonious method of ushering a band offstage: Begin flashing the lights on and off during their last song.

Best word to describe the concert: A shitshow.

Realization: Well, now I’m drunk in Greenpoint. Awesome.

On top of that: The G train is fictional. This is fantastic.