Get Him to the Greek

A major part of the plot this season has been watching the season’s decadent and washed-up rock star, Atticus Fetch (played by Tim Minchin), getting ready for his big comeback, touring with Marilyn Manson. Near the beginning of this episode, Moody goes to Fetch’s plane—Air Force 69 (introduced in the first episode)—but (spoiler) it’s being unloaded onto a tour bus because the record company isn’t looking out for him and Fetch is in the middle of a costly divorce. “I haven’t been on a bus in well over 10 years,” Fetch says. “It’s so embarrassingly bargain basement.” Nevertheless Moody rallies him to get out there, even though Fetch doesn’t have his usual encouragement. “”I’ve never done an opening night without a good-luck kiss from my wife,” Fetch says. “Back in the early day, she used to give me this really comprehensive blowjob, my balls and all, although I was usually two wired to cum.” Eventually, they all do arrive at the Greek Theater, via bus, and Moody says, “I’ll admit it, this is pretty cool.” To which his girlfriend, the groupie-muse character Faith (Maggie Grace), says, “It’s like Disneyland every day.” After which Moody rejoins, “Yeah, without the morbidly obese riding around on scooters.” Later in the episode Moody encourages his girlfriend, the groupie-muse character Faith (Maggie Grace), to give him a big kiss…but, shockingly, no blowjob. Either way, that’s not very Disney.

The Cat Box

As Moody and Faith discuss whether or not to go on tour with Fetch, they’re approached by a man named Vince who says he plays in a band mentioned in a previous episode called Mysstery (“with two S’s”). “Our bus is the one called the Cat Club,” he says as he invites her, in front of Moody, onto Mysstery’s touring missile. “We call it that because if chicks want to come on, we ask them to pee in this litter box that we keep by the front door. See this way we know for sure that they’re willing to party.”

Manson aficionados will remember the kitty litter box as an integral part of the Antichrist Superstar’s lore, listed as fact here, but not listed in Manson’s tour rider even though a Smoking Gun commenter claims he’s purchased it for Manson before. It’s a fun reference that doesn’t ultimately fly for Faith, who is quit to cut Vince of Mysstery down without mercy. “You’re just not really that talented,” she says. “I’ve heard your album and it’s really shitty mall metal. So if I were you, I would just quit now and maybe Hot Topic will hire you back for the summer.” Uh, can Revolver use that line in our reviews sections?

The Man That You Fear

The God of Fuck himself shows up midway through the episode, sans kitty litter, as he’s playing after Fetch in the show. Perhaps the most disarming thing about Manson is that he’s so affable on Californication. It’s unsettling. “I just want to make it clear I was fucking with you,” he says, actually apologizing to Moody for freaking out Hank’s daughter in a previous episode. “I would not give drugs to your daughter…because I need them for later. By the way, how is the kid? Would you get her to send me the picture of her teabagging Atticus, because I want to put that on my Facebook.” Can someone explain why Manson is so nice?! Is he really an Eddie Haskell type? Does he actually care about the well-being of young women? Why does he tolerate Faith calling him by his real given name, “Brian,” at the start of the scene? Why is that when he smiles (see several more gifs of Manson smirking here), it is so unnerving? Let’s move on before our brains explode trying to grasp the contradictions.

Atticus Fetch…Live!

Fetch finally performed, after an introduction by the Sex Pistols’ Steve Jones, who played Fetch’s road manager this season, that aped KISS’ trademark intro. “Good evening, Los Angeles,” he announces. “You wanted the best…well they got stuck in traffic coming up the fucking hill.” Here is a sampling of some of Atticus Fetch’s lyrics, for your perusal. His music isn’t “metal,” you gotta appreciate the Spinal Tappiness of these words.

From “Step ‘n’ Fetch It”: “I’m a slave to your motherfucking love/it’s a shame I’ve had e-motherfucking-nough!” And then, with backup vocals, “I am not your goddamn bitch, fuck you and your step and fetch it, baby now.”

From “Preggers and Poor”: “Preggers and poor, bed on the floor, wolves at the door.”

From who knows what song: “Right between the fire!” as flames burst around him.

Wedding Hells

Finally, the show’s estranged “Fred and Ethel Mertz” characters Charlie and Marcy Runkle (actor Evan Handler and actress Pamela Adlon) tied the knot again this episode, and they did it in a surprisingly rock-and-roll way with Fetch acting as their officiant.

“Do you, bald fucking wanker, take this sexy little tree stump to be your immortal beloved?” asks Fetch. “I most certainly do, do,” says Runkle, to which someone in the audience shouts “doodoo.” “And do you, delicious little spinner, with whom I have shared a sexual encounter which will sustain me well into my golden years,” asks Fetch, referencing this episode, “take this sweaty, hairless pinhead to be the very last sexual partner of your entire life?” After she does, Fetch pronounces them “wife and early man” and he plants one on her. Then (spoiler) in one of the more disappointing turns this seasons, we find out that Hank’s onstage proposal to Karen (actress Natascha McElhone), in which he says, “Karen, be with me, spend the rest of your life with this fool and this fool will spend the rest of his life making sure you don’t regret it,” was just a fantasy. Bummer.

Never Mind the Bollocks

Eventually (spoiler) Hank realizes he misses Karen too much to stay with Faith and asks off the tour. Faith says, “I could love you, you know. I’m not saying that I do, I’m saying that I could, which is rare for me and deserves to be acknowledged.” Moody just isn’t in the same place and elects to go back and seek out Karen—and, frustratingly, we don’t really find out what happens. So ends season six of Californication. The questions we’re left with is, what will become of Faith, who stays on Fetch’s bus? Will Stu, Marcy’s other ex (played by Stephen Toblowsky) ever get that cock cage off? And of course, will Hank ever requite his love with Karen? We’ll have to wait until January to find out. But before we bid adieu, here’s a parting shot of Hank riding bitch on a motorcycle with Steve Jones. Until next time!

Production stills by Monty Brinton/SHOWTIME

Fallen Angels

The long-running subplot of Gabriel (actor Patrick Fischler), the uptight rehab clinician who can’t help but give in to temptation, may have reached its end with this episode. Rock bottom is hard to define for addicts and while it seemed like giving head to the AA member he was supposed to be looking out for—a writer by the name of Richard Bates (Jason Beghe) who was married to Hank Moody’s ex Karen briefly before he outted himself and his homosexual fling—Gabriel may have just sunk lower. (Spoiler) After Hank and Faith bring bags full of coke and weed to the rehab clinic where Gabriel works in an effort to coax their rock-star friend Atticus Fetch (Tim Minchin) back into their clutches, the counselor fails tremendously. Seeing a mirror full of Peruvian powder, he thinks long and hard and ultimately decides it’s a good idea to snort a few grams in front of not only his patients, but his staff. If he appears again in the series, I can only hope he’ll have stooped to the levels of preacher-turned-hobo Rickety Cricket on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

The Stars of the Dope Show

Although Marilyn Manson made no appearance in “The Abby” (he’ll likely be in Sunday’s season finale), some of his favorite things were in this episode, namely drugs and orgies. After Moody and Faith leave a room full of rehab-resort types unattended with their presents for Fetch, they returned to find a scene of wonder: women dancing on tables, drug addicts imbibing and one especially crazy tweaker quoting The Exorcist, “Your mother sucks cocks in hell,” to Faith. It was a fete worthy of Caligula, but, as we learned, Fetch would have none of it. (Earlier in the episode, he even scoffed at the sight of Faith’s breasts saying, “I find no joy in objectifying women anymore. It’s not fun and it’s not funny.”) The whole scene ended with Bates getting naked and showing his Buffalo Bill-style mangina.

As much as it would be fun to move on after the word “mangina,” though, there’s still another important turn of events. When Moody, Faith and Hank’s daughter Becca confront Fetch, he realizes that drugs aren’t really his problem. The whole reason he checked in to rehab was because his wife left him at the end of the last episode, but as Hank says, “The drugs didn’t make you fuck other women, you made you do it.” But the real interesting turn happens when Faith, who supplied the idea of rescuing Fetch from rehab and who has turned down his sexual advances throughout the season, attempts to rationalize. “There is nothing wrong with a little occasional recreational drug use or fucking anyone that wants to fuck you right back,” she says. “You are a rock star. You deserve it.” Although she gets his attention with that line, it seems a bit like an about-face on her once moralistic “groupie etiquette” stance. Is she leading him on in some strange way? Does she feel she has something to gain by empowering his rock-star ego? Or is it just a hard-to-kick groupie habit? In the end it doesn’t matter because Fetch declares, “I’m not sure if I’m ready to sacrifice my hard-won sobriety just yet, but we should talk further, over a glass of wine.” Opa!

Shocked Jocks

After Ophelia pulled a “Don’t tase me, bro” on the manhoods of Charlie Runkle (Evan Handler) and Stu Beggs (Stephen Tobolowsky) a few episodes ago, it’s clear she’s capable of anything. As we learn early in this episode, “anything” means tasing the shit out of anyone and everyone. It all begins, though, when she confesses she has feelings for Marcy (Pamela Adlon), Charlie and Stu’s ex-wife (they’ve both been married to her). Upon Marcy’s rejection, Ophelia puts her stun-gun to work, tasing her so she can hold her and kiss her motionless body on the lips (one of the most disturbing scenes on the show ever). After Charlie responds to Marcy’s distress text, he gets tased on the bald of his head only to awaken seminude and find his ex, chained to the wall in a state of undress. When Ophelia returns with gardening sheers, “to chop off his fucking pathetic little fuckin’ excuse for a penis and feed it to my cats,” Marcy offers to do it herself. But after she sucker-punches Ophelia, she frees Charlie and they both take turns tasing Ophelia.

This experience, apparently, is what made them realize they still love each other. And when they meet up with Fetch and friends later, the rock star offers to marry them onstage at the Greek. After which, he adds, “Then you can bring your spunky little fuck bunny upon the road with us and I can finish eating that chocolate bar out of her sweet little girlie bits. It’s good to be the king!” That’s all good and dandy for them, but isn’t Stu still in a cock cage?

The Writer’s Life

While not exactly a “metal moment,” I wanted to end with this lovely line by Hank about his daughter. “She wants to be a writer, which means she’s going to be unemployed for the next decade and then she’s going to have to move back home.” This writer just hopes life doesn’t imitate art. We’ll just have to wait and see what art is left in the season finale next week.

Production stills by Jordin Althaus/SHOWTIME

The Parent Trap

As Faith and Moody enter her childhood home, the author says, “You didn’t tell me you grew up in a religious supply store.” Faith’s response? “That’s why I’m such a slut.” But for whatever temptations Moody might be feeling, he doesn’t get much of a chance to express it because of Faith’s mom, Mary, played by actress Mary Kay Place (who played an almost equally maniacal Jesusfreak in Big Love). Faith’s dad, Jack (Bill Smitrovich), attempts to watch a little porno—which is nothing more than a woman’s behind in daisy dukes—but that doesn’t go far and when Hank profanes the pope, Jack tells him, “You better watch it, Pal. That woman will burn you at the stake for talking like that.” Later, she voices her opinions when saying grace, thanking God for “watching Faith while she’s been out whoring with the Devil’s children” and “keeping her from sexually transmitted diseases.”

This sort of story is anything but uncommon among metalheads—if it’s not your story, you know someone with this story—so it was one of those relatable moments that showed a bit why Faith became a muse. As she says later in the episode, “The funny thing is I’m still looking, searching [futureusgalleryfor meaning]; I still believe that it’s all connected somehow—even sex and god and rock and roll.” But, as we all know intimately, her mother wouldn’t appreciate that. After Moody tells her mother that musicians have written songs about Faith, she replies, “Sure after she’s sucked their filthy penises.” I have to say, Faith had a good reply when she said, “Why do you just assume that they’re filthy? And what’s so bad about a blowjob between friends? Men love it when you suck their dicks.” Her dad concurred, “Amen.” (Spoiler) The real revelation, though, is that Faith was once training to become a nun, until some of the sisters caught her masturbating. “They told you not to make a ‘habit’ of it,” Moody deadpans. Overall, though, this episode revealed another side to Faith’s character…and not just in the scene where she goes down on Hank in a church.

Metal Everywhere

One of the things I’ve liked about Californication from day one are the references to heavy music that are hidden throughout the dialog. Obvious ones are the names of Moody’s books, God Hates Us All, South of Heaven, and Seasons in the Abyss (Slayer!), but there are a lot more subtle ones. In this episode, when Jack is talking about his daughter he lets loose a little Smashing Pumpkins love, “This house was too fucking strict. She msut have felt like a rat in a cage.” Although it ain’t something most middle-aged men would just emit, it fit and it worked. And later, when Faith is talking to Mary in her childhood bedroom—which is strewn with posters of Kurt Cobain, classic Robert Plant, Metallica and a few less awesome ones—Mary describes Jack as “a raging alcoholic on the highway to hell.”

Nine Inch Nails

In a moment of extreme surrealism, Faith sees Atticus Fetch (played by Tim Minchin) on a crucifix actually playing Jesus. I’ve slowed the scene down, just for some extra nail-biting fun. Until next week, stay free…

Production stills by Jordin Althaus/SHOWTIME

Eddie Nero, the Drunken Master

Beginning in season four, Rob Lowe assumed the role of Eddie Nero—a loose-cannon method actor who likes to live, breathe, and smell everything his character would—who, at the time, was meant to portray Moody in the Hollywood adaptation of Fucking and Punching, Moody’s account of being seduced by a 16-year-old. As soon as he made his entrance, flying through the air, in “Mad Dogs,” it’s clear he’s been through some shit recently. Dressed head-to-toe in white religious garb, Nero sings a round of “Oklahoma” and recounts the time “I took a man in my mouth once.” Despite that, he declared he’d have sex with a woman at the party Fetch has convinced Runkle to throw tonight. (Spoiler alert) The woman he had sex with, of course, was Moody’s ex, Karen (Natascha McElhone), prompting the ever-moody Hank to punch him. When Nero does his best noodle-armed “drunken master,” shit gets real and Hank broke a coffee table with him. The revelation comes out, at some point, that the man Nero fellated was actually Karen’s other ex, so maybe we’ll get some more drunken-master antics in the last few episodes of the season.

Charlie’s House and the Chocolate Factory

Fetch’s obsession in this episode was the ’60s legend that Mick Jagger had once eaten a candy bar from the vagina of his girlfriend, Marianne Faithfull. Although that legend is anything but true (even Keith Richards has wondered the source of the the “Mars Bar”), Fetch attempts to relive not just the time he mentioned earlier in the episode but once more. This time, though, the vagina in question belongs to Charlie Runkle’s ex Marcy (Pamela Adlon), who used her wiles to convince Fetch to dismiss a bed full of “tall, leggy blondes,” to use his term. But before he gets down to business, he describes his role in the whole thing as, “this gift, this opportunity to transcend your everyday suburban existence and have sex with a fucking rock star, thereby giving you a story to dine out on for years to come.” By including that line, I just wanted to underscore the rock-star solipsism Californication‘s writers lampoon so perfectly (though I can’t say I’ve heard anything that self-centered in my years of interviewing); I’m sure some rock stars think that way, though. In any case, when Fetch’s wife Natalie (Sarah Wynter) walks in on them, Fetch and Marcy are reenacting Jagger’s mythical moves—and the devil Fetch gets no sympathy.

“Rock Star Wives”

For as much as the show has dealt with the groupie mentality this season, Natalie offers up an idea of what it takes to be a “rock star wife”—or, more specifically, the wife of a constant adulterer. After she caught Fetch with Marcy, she took Hank and try to convince him to sleep with her. “Do you know what it takes to be a rock star’s wife Hank?” she says, alluringly. “I have certain skills. I know how to give the kind of sharp and focused head that cuts through the bullshit. Other women out there are like licking lollipops. They’re lazy. They’re entitled. They think just by putting it in their mouth that’s all they need to do. But you and I know that’s just the beginning. I know how to get shit done.” Luckily, for Fetch at least, she’s more virtuous, which suits the trope well. “Do you love your husband?” Hank asks. “Yeah, I do.” No harm, no foul.

The 37 Club

“Ladies and gentleman, I have an announcement to make,” Fetch says after bursting into the living room. “All my life, I have loved exactly one woman with all my heart. Have I fucked countless others? Yes. Does that make me a bad man? I don’t think so. But in the court of public opinion, I am a scoundrel, a rogue, a rake, perhaps even a rapscallion.” After that soliloquy, Fetch pulls out a golden pistol and puts it in his mouth, convinced he can’t live without his wife. “I created Atticus Fetch,” he says. “Now I have to kill him before he kills me.” (Spoiler) Although it’s revealed later that Fetch is in no way ready to join the list of dead rock stars (many of whom, like Kurt Cobain, died at age 27—Fetch actor Minchin is 37) because he didn’t put any bullets in the gun, there’s one great revelation: his character’s real name is Ollie. OLLIE!!

Acoustica

The episode ends, as Hank and Karen walk on the beach. More “metal,” though, is the acoustic folk cover of Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” playing in the background. The woman behind the version is the freckle-faced, husky-voiced solo artist Lissie, and you can hear it in all its sullen glory below.

Production stills by  Peter Iovino/SHOWTIME

Marilyn Manson’s Impish Edification

The episode opens with Moody and Runkle finding Hank’s daughter Becca (played by Emily the Strange doppelgänger Madeleine Martin) in the aftermath of an orgiastic party. So, to prove that drugs are for the devil, Moody and Becca’s mom Karen take her to the mansion drug-addled rock star Atticus Fetch (actor Tim Minchin). Little did they know that the headmaster in their lesson would be none other than Fetch’s friend Marilyn Manson, who tells the Moodys, “I’m just here for the narcotics.” From there, Manson, whose pallid complexion, eyeliner and black outfit made it look like maybe this wasn’t a day off, takes control with his eerily easygoing affectations. “I’m a fan of your words,” he tells Moody. “I’d be honored if you came and did some narcotics with me.” (To which Becca enthuses, “This is so fucking cool!”) After some further social intercourse, Manson giddily exclaims to no one, “I love drugs!”

Now let’s consider, is Marilyn Manson really a good role model to dissuade a wayfaring youth from drug use? He’s written numerous songs extoling (or maybe parodying) drug use’s virtues, and, as a Californication character, he doesn’t censor himself. The real-life Manson allegedly uses coke, ecstasy, acid and meth, in addition to smoking weed. In 1998, he told an interviewer, “If you give drugs to me, I’ll take ‘em” and that he “definitely encourages drug use.” But in 2003, he told our magazine, “I don’t ever want people to think I rely on drugs or alcohol…to be inspired as an artist.” Funnily enough, that answers the main question of the episode, when Moody asks him whether getting loaded was a boon for creativity.

But it’s not like Manson replied that way on the show. He tells Becca, “Here’s what they don’t tell you, rampant sexual behavior, drug use, etc., you will end up with AIDS.” When Moody counters, “They do tell you that.” The Born Villain deadpans, “Well, I wish they would have told me, because I have AIDS now.” Of course, he later turns that into the joke, “Christmas, I want AIDS.” None of this role-model business seems to rub off on anyone. (Spoilers ahead.) Eventually, Moody and Karen leave Becca with Manson and limp-fish rocker Fetch, and she learns her lesson. Just as Karen posits to Moody, “What happens if he has abducted her and he is selling her into sex trafficking,” their daughter runs out muttering something about Manson wanting her to take a pic of him pooping on Fetch. Drugs are bad—she says she already knows this (no doubt from growing up with the often inebriated Moody)—and, in a way, Manson’s somewhat fictionalized dope show-and-tell has rubbed off on Becca, even though her parents find a baggie of coke and a Manson CD in her bag. So in a weird way, maybe Manson is a responsible drug role model. (And yeah, I concede that just last year we reported that he drove around L.A. in an “economy car emblazoned with a giant pot leaf.”) At the end of the episode, Becca produces the manuscript for her book, which Moody calls “quite the weighty tome,” so something is working.

Manson Proving to Fetch That He’s a Baller

When Moody and Karen leave Becca alone with Manson, the rocker says, “Becca, take a picture of me teabagging Atticus before he wakes up.” To which Fetch garbles (or maybe gargles) something about having too many of Manson’s balls in his face. No insightful commentary here, just teabagging…

Fetch’s Chamber of Torture

When, for some mind-boggling reason, Moody leaves the women in his life alone with Manson and Fetch to take a bathroom break, he stumbles past Fetch’s room of torture. Fetch’s wife, Natalie (actress Sarah Wynter), stops him and invites him into a room full of “Medieval torture devices.” While she details some horrific apparatus called a “breast ripper,” which, naturally, “tore to shreds the breasts of women who were convicted of adultery,” we can see some of Fetch’s favorite implements of torment through our cringes. Visible are a hanging cage, a triceratops skull (I’d love to see how that’s used), and, of course, the mother of all metal torture devices, the iron maiden. Of course the real threat of torture Moody experiences is when Karen finds him groping Natalie (her boss, BTW), and says, “Marilyn Manson’s trying to get your daughter and I into a threesome right now.”

Speaking of Iron Maiden…

The closing montage and credits for the episode feature alt-rocker Ryan Adams’ restrained and barely recognizable take on Maiden’s “Wasted Years.” Check it out below, and judge for yourself if it ups the irons.

More Manson Madness

If you watched the episode past the credits, the producers promised an “in-depth” interview with Manson. While the two-minute snippets that followed weren’t quite the makings of a Revolver cover story, we did learn this tasty tidbit about Manson’s favorite sexual positions: He’s not into 69, because it “has math involved in it.” He doesn’t like doggystle, because, “I’m a cat person.” So his favorite boudoir position? “Prison style.” He explains, “That’s where just anything goes and you might get shanked in the end.” And then he adds his own take on what we’re all thinking, “Oh, Manson.”

Production stills by  Peter Iovino/SHOWTIME

There’s only one solid explanation for why Metallica have decided to throw another Orion Music + More Festival this year. “We had a great fuckin’ weekend, and it seemed like everybody else had a really fun weekend,” Lars Ulrich tells Revolver with a laugh. “I don’t think it has to be much more intellectualized than that.”

When we catch up with him, the Danish drummer is en route to Brisbane, Australia’s RNA Showgrounds, where he and his bandmates in Metallica are playing their first gig of 2013, a year that will find the group playing gigs everywhere from the Middle East to Tokyo. As of right now, though, the only U.S. shows they have planned are their appearance at Revolver’s Golden Gods Awards, May 2 in Los Angeles, and at their very own Orion Music + More Festival, which takes place June 8 and 9 in Detroit.

The band announced the lineup and details for Orion 2013 yesterday, and it looks like it will be just as diverse and equally as incredible as last year’s. In addition to appearances by Red Hot Chili Peppers, Deftones, Tomahawk, Flag (members of Black Flag), and of course a double-shot of Metallica, among many others, it will feature each Metallica member’s personal lifestyle showcase (for Ulrich, it’s a film-screening tent), the fan-favorite Metallica Museum, and a newly added EDM stage. It’s the sort of festival the drummer tells us has got him excited, and he hopes it excites not just Metallica fans but also residents of the Motor City. “Obviously Detroit is a city with such a rich diversity and a rich musical heritage,” Ulrich says in his signature cool, breezy manner. “If it works out this year, I think there’s a good chance Orion will stick around Detroit for a couple years.”

REVOLVER What are your favorite memories from last year’s Orion Music + More Festival?
LARS ULRICH That whole experience I had in my film tent. It was just so cool to show movies to 300 Metallica fans and do Q&As with the directors and the producers. I also enjoyed getting a chance to play Ride the Lightning and doing the “Black Album” thing in its entirety, which was the only time we did it in America. And just hanging and being part of the scenery for a couple days.

I had fun seeing the bands, too, in the various tents, from the Hot Snakes to the Jim Breuers of the world. Seeing Avenged Sevenfold and The Sword and Sepultura and Arctic Monkeys. I got a chance to introduce the Arctic Monkeys, which was really cool, because I have a 14-year-old kid who worships the ground that the Arctic Monkeys walk on. So I actually was a pretty cool dad for a couple minutes when I introduced them.

Which artists are you most excited to see this year?
I saw the Chili Peppers in San Francisco about six months ago. They’re on a fucking roll at the moment. They’re better than they’ve ever been. I was completely blown away for two hours. We did a run with the Deftones in 2003 on our Summer Sanitarium Tour, which was really cool. Those guys are always good. Dropkick Murphys, those guys are so much fun and have so much energy. There’s such a positive vibe in what they do. Bringing in the 2013 incarnation of Black Flag, minus the “Black,” is obviously going to be pretty fun. My 14-year-old has turned me on to Japandroids, and I’ve heard some of their stuff, which is pretty amazing. I’ve become kind of a late fan of Fu Manchu. My girl actually turned me on to them a little while ago, so I’m a brand new fan of theirs. I’m glad that they’re with us. You know, Death. We’ll have Death come out and do their thing in Detroit again! And the Dillinger Escape boys. Lots of different stuff.

You mentioned Flag. Did you ever see Black Flag during their original run?
Yeah, we did. We actually saw them in New Jersey around ’84 or ’85. That was a very special night, because up ’til now—I’m not saying it won’t happen again—but up ’til now, that’s the only time I’ve been hardcore punched. We were hanging out at the Black Flag gig, and one of the bouncers asked us to leave. And I gave him a pretty obnoxious remark back, and the motherfucker just hit me hard in the stomach. And my stomach sort of caved around his fist. That’s the other thing I remember about that night other than seeing Black Flag.

What made you want to include an EDM stage this year?
When we played at the Outside Lands Festival in San Francisco in August, both Hetfield and I went over to the… OK, now I’m lying. Our kids dragged us over to the electronic tent. And I stood on the side of the stage and watched 20 – 25,000 14-year-old kids go absolutely fucking apeshit to Skrillex. And the energy and the whole spectacle with the lights and the sound, it was just such a fucking vibe. And so we both stood there with our kids and were like, You know what? We’ve got to bring some of that to the Orion Festival. And Bassnectar is awesome. He’s one of these dudes within that whole world, and he’s actually one of the local Northern California dudes and we hear he’s a bit of metal fan. So he’s headlining the whole electronic tent

Will you be playing any of your classic albums this year?
If I was a betting man, which I’m not, I would probably  not put too much money on that. I think you’ve got to be careful that it doesn’t become something that people expect from you every year, especially when you only put records out every five years like we do. We’ll run out of records to play at some point pretty quick. But I think, listen, we’ve played Puppets , we’ve played Lightning, and we’ve played the “Black Album.” I think it’s something that we’ll keep doing throughout Metallica’s next decade or so, but I don’t know if we’re going to do it at this year’s Orion Festival. Obviously there’s an anniversary there. People say, “Oh, it’s the 30th anniversary of Kill ’Em All.” But we haven’t made a firm decision on that. I don’t want to become predictable.

Your performance of Ride the Lightning last year, featured the song “Escape,” which you’d never played before. Was that fun? James Hetfield made it sound like you all never wanted to play it.
I love “Escape”! James is just being James. We always jam on that, mostly to piss him off. And he’ll start playing along in a different key or something. James told me that he actually heard the live version of “Escape” from Orion on the radio, and he said it sounded pretty good. So maybe there’s hope for “Escape.” Maybe it will make an appearance again in the next decade or so. That poor little song never did fucking anybody anything. It just sits on that record for 28 years, waiting to be played. Anyway, it was fun to let that one out.

Since it is the 30th anniversary of Kill ’Em All. What are your favorite memories from making that record?
We were in Rochester, New York, for six weeks. It was just fun because we didn’t know what the fuck was going on. There was just an innocence to it. We were making a record, and we had no idea what the fuck we were doing. We all lived in a house together, and we were living and eating and breathing and shitting Metallica, 24/7. That gang mentality was really, really fun.

Also, just the fact we were actually making a record. It was kind of a different thing 30 years ago, because nowadays anybody with a computer can get their music up and out to people. But back then it was more like, “Oh my God, we’re making a record.” It was pretty special. So we were fucking psyched and out of our minds and living the dream, you know?

Speaking of being out of your minds, I’ve read that Cliff Burton used to carry around a hammer and that’s what inspired the cover.
Yeah, he used to, man. He was just in his own world. He just lived in his own world. I don’t remember the specifics. I think most of those have been kind of lost to alcohol, uh, whatever, alcohol-fueled instances, but there was definitely pretty weird shit going on.

Lastly, you’re playing the Golden Gods this year, where Metallica is receiving the Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award. What can we expect from your performance?
Obviously, it’s going to be a lot of fun. I was there two years ago and had a fucking blast. The energy is spectacular in that room. I’ve heard of some of the other guests that are going to be there and some of the other recipients of awards. It’s going to be a fucking blast. In terms of what we’re going to play, there’s a few songs to pick from. I’m sure we’ll figure it out as we get closer. Your crew reached out to us last week about some potential collaborations, and we’re just starting to figure those out right now. It should be pretty amazing.

As for “Lost in the Clouds,” the episode was a satirical sendup of rock-star excess, since it mostly took place on the New York-bound plane belonging to Atticus Fetch, the show’s overindulgent coke-loving, sex-obsessed rocker played by Tim Minchin. Or as the show’s Bukowskian author Hank Moody (played by David Duchovny) says, “He’s like a retarded rock-and-roll puppy.” Not only was the plane named Air Force 69 but it has two stewardesses who claim, “Your every wish is our command.” Or, er, “Atticus makes us say that shit. But we will make out with each other if you want.” And they do! And with that opening, thus began one of the dirtiest episodes in Californication history (that doesn’t feature nudity), complete with mile-high-clubbing, snorting cadaveric ashes, hand jobs, adultery, and sodomy—just for those keeping track. Culling from those excesses, here are our picks for the episode’s most metal moments.

Air Force 69

Although Fetch’s plane was briefly seen in the first episode of the season, let’s take a closer look at its many wonders. As far as rock legends go, this is how we’d all like to imagine Sabbath, Zeppelin, Nugent, Def Leppard, GN’R, and all the other drugs-n-groupie-loving Golden Gods of rock travel. In addition to its lesbianic stewardesses—who take quite kindly to Sex Pistol Steve Jones, who plays a security guard this season—the plane features many stairways to heaven-on-earth: there’s a Clockwork Orange–esque white porcelain bar, a couple of Marshall stacks (including one upholstered in white fur), a drum set, a piano, and what Fetch calls his “erotic chapel.” The latter chamber is basically a mile-high fuckpad, complete with a statue holding one of those orbs with lightning in it, a waterbed and fur blankets, and posters and gold records on the wall to remind Fetch why he’s so awesome.

It’s in the “erotic chapel,” where he propositions the season’s groupie extraordinaire Faith (actress Maggie Grace) to be his muse, referencing the “Dead Rock Star” of episode three, named Tony, who was played by Sebastian Bach. “Tony said when you came into his life, he was blocked and bloated and strung out on China white, and two days later, he had a double album’s worth of material,” Fetch tells Faith. “I would very much like to receive the same benefits. In exchange for which you would receive first-class travel, pharmaceutical grade narcotics, the occasional trinket, and a solid 5.9 inches of rock-star penis.” Which, he clarifies with a twinge of nervousness in his voice, “That’s from taint to tip. And that’s the high end of average. Don’t believe what you read.” Uh, no comment.

And before we totally move on from the topic of Fetch’s frisky fellow, I’d like to address his masturbation rant. When Moody calls the rock star out about cheating on his wife, Fetch protests by saying, “That’s different. Do you urinate, Hank? Do you defecate? There are elements in the human body that need to take flight. Ejaculate’s just one of them.” To which Moody says, “Right, that’s what masturbation’s for.” And Fetch says, “No, masturbation? Masturbation’s for the poor, the downtrodden, the silent unfuckables. I walk down the street and women present themselves. They want to extract my fluids. It’s an honor and a privilege, Hank. What sort of asshole would refuse such a kindness?”

Although Moody once again brings up Fetch’s wife, whom the rock star drugged with Ambien so he could hit on Faith, I’d like to point out Moody’s hypocrisy: For a man who is constantly trying to get back with his ex, he very rarely turns down sex. It’s the thing that keeps the series going, and it’s what makes Moody a rock-star character in his own right, but at a certain point, you gotta wonder when he’s going to start questioning his own culpability, especially now that his daughter is asking him about blowjobs, as she does at the beginning of this episode. I don’t want to protest too much, though, since Hank’s hankerings are what keeps the show going.

The Dead Rock Star’s Widow, Trudy

She may be in mourning, but Tony’s widow (played by Alanna Ubach) is not giving up on good times. Not only does she intend to sprinkle Tony’s ashes around Madison Square Garden (see her trying to snort them in the image) but she makes no bones about getting fresh with Runkle. When the agent tells her he’s afraid of flying, she relaxes him by giving him a handjob. “Stand up and shout for Trudy,” she says, forever sullying the title of a Dio classic with images of Runkle’s little Runkle. It doesn’t take long, though, before Runkle puts his seat back in its upright position. “You’re a speedy one, ain’t you,” she says. “Good for you. You got yours. I might ask you to put it in me bum later. It’s too small for the front, but just right for the back.” (Spoilers) And she does, right before the plane goes into a nose dive à la Lynyrd Skynyrd. See for yourself:

Faith Herself

“What’s your favorite Radiohead album?” Faith asks Moody mid-episode. “Oh that’s easy. None of them. That shit’s way too cool for me.” She playfully says, “Fuck off.” That’s score one for Moody. Then he turns it around: “Here’s one for you. Side two, track three, Houses of the Holy, by a little band they liked to call the Led Zeppelin.” She smirks and goes, “Mmmm, ‘No Quarter.’” In my book, that’s match point for Faith. Moody’s beloved ex, Karen, better watch out, because this may be love. At the end of the episode (spoilers again), she tells Moody, “You made it to the next round,” right before she invites him into Fetch’s fur-covered bed. “Is it naked naptime?” Moody asks. I’m guessing next week. Karen will not be a-mused.

Production stills by Jordin Althaus/SHOWTIME

Visiting Faith, the Rock Muse, and her Groupie-in-Training

Since her first appearance in the episode “Quitters,” and her explanation of “groupie etiquette” in the episode “Dead Rock Stars,” this season’s groupie-with-the-heart-of-gold character Faith, played by Maggie Grace, has come off mostly as sweet and even vulnerable. It’s only now, when Moody and his agent friend Charlie Runkle visit her at her bungalow, that she starts to show her alpha-female side, which should evolve as the season goes on. By her side, throughout the episode, is her friend Shari (actress Meghan Falcone), who seems to be something like a groupie-in-training. She greets Moody and Runkle topless (NBD) and later, when the foursome goes on a quest to acquire the aforementioned guitar and some blow for Runkle’s new client, rock-star Atticus Fetch, she seems somewhat open to Faith’s request for her to give the big dude who played Hurley on Lost(the drug dealer) “a blowjob that could cure cancer.” “What, why do you always do this to me?” Shari asks. To which, Faith says, “You said so yourself, you need the practice.” (Oddly, they made no “blow-for-blow” or “quid-pro-blow” jokes, but maybe those are some too obvious turns of phrase for a show that revels in tongue-through-cheek repartee.) It turns out (spoiler), Shari doesn’t need to find Hurley’s hidden smoke monster. But as Faith starts putting herself out more, she’s going to start getting the upper hand with the sexually fixated Moody. Especially, given the way, they leave things off in the episode, where Faith tells Moody, “You’ve got that thing that I look out for. The thing that’s hard to describe, that lush spark.” He says, “Some would call that ‘genius.’” And then she cuts him down, “Some might, but I won’t. I think ‘genius’ is the single most overused word of our lifetimes.” Moody says, “Word,” but he might as well say, “I surrender,” from what our crystal ball is saying.

A Smashing Good Time

Before we get to the goods, I’d like to point out that it seems like every episode Californication this season seems to find new ways of forcing actor Evan Handler to strip naked. When the quartet were negotiating for coke and guitars from the Hurley drug dealer, the true cost for such items turned out to be not a blowjob but Runkle’s suit. This explains the photos. Now that context has been established, the scene where Fetch, played by a dirty-looking and nightgown-clad Tim Minchin, finally gets his angelically ejaculatory guitar, he’s soon enraged that Runkle couldn’t procure more than a baggie of the “Peruvian flake” he requested, so he starts to smash the 1945 Martin. Faith stops him just in time, and Fetch says, “You’re absolutely right, this is a magnificent piece of rock-and-roll history, and it must be treated accordingly.” Then he adds the stinger, “And by the way your defiance gave me a thunderous erection.” After the overshare, we got this lovely, and unquestionably metal, image:

The Cock Cage

Certainly not “metal” in the awesome sense, but the emergence of a “cock cage” is metal in the literal sense. When Charlie’s ex Marcy (Pamela Adlon) presents her estranged new husband, Hollywood producer Stu Beggs, with the male-chastity contraption, she explains, “It traps your cock in a flaccid state, Stu, which is very nice and cozy. But if you get aroused, if you surrender to your baser instincts, it can make things very unpleasant for Little Big Man down there.” She waves it in his face, and leaves him to watch girl-on-girl porn. As he says, “Ouch!”

Production stills by Jordan Althaus/SHOWTIME

Hell Bent for Runkle

When Robbie Mac—the openly gay actor, played by Johann Urb, whom Runkle falsely came out to in the season’s first episode to convince him to hire him—makes his entrance in the Hollywood pitch room, he’s dressed like an alternate for Rob Halford at Judas Priest’s 1983 US Festival showstopper. From top to bottom, he’s wearing a leather biker hat, a studded leather jacket, no shirt, fingerless gloves, assless leather chaps, jeans (surprisingly), and boots. He’s carrying a riding crop and a boombox that’s blaring Priest’s “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’” (which the band played at the US Festival, after Halford rode out on a motorcycle).

Now this is “metal” not just because Priest pioneered the metal biker look that defined how ’80s metal bands dressed, from Slayer to Metallica, but because the daring crossover it has with gay culture. Since he came out in 1998, he’s become an inspiration to gay metalheads everywhere (something I touched on in an article I wrote for Out, where God Seed frontman Gaahl says, “The best metal singer in metal history is gay.”) And while there is some gay-confusion humor and the Runkle character is steadfastly hetero, not that he tells Mac, he and the rest of the characters never seem homophobic—even when Mac outs and molests him in front of his other client and Hollywood bigshots. It’s a loud-and-proud gay-metal moment that’s hard to achieve, and best commemorated with a gif of Moody giving Runkle the horns:

Waxing Ecstatic

While Marcy, Runkle’s ex, waxes her feminist writer friend’s nether regions, she says, “I’ve seen a lot of vajay in my day, but yours is simply stunning. I mean it took me a while to hack through all this brush, but once I got there, wow. Honestly it’s like it’s glowing.” The owner of said reproductive parts, the character Ophelia Robbins, is played by Maggie Wheeler, who played the woman with the annoying laugh on Friends, Janice. I’m just calling this out because not once during the waxing did she make that nasal snort.

Introducing “British Steel”

When Runkle and Moody go to the gay bar Mac suggested to celebrate the remake of Cruising, the writer remarks, “I feel like Indiana Jones in the Temple of the Greased Fist.” (Spoilers ahead.) Not only does Moody seduce and subsequently—and consensually—”hate-fuck” the Hollywood producer who fired him from the adaptation of his novel God Hates Us All, after using the pickup line, “I don’t know if it’s all the gay-sex talk, but you’re looking pretty good to me,” but Runkle has an awkward sexual encounter with Mac. When the actor undoes his pants to reveal his manhood, he says, “Here, take a look. That’s ‘British steel.’” (Yes, he named his penis after the Judas Priest album.) And later, when a topless woman with whom Runkle had been trysting outs him as straight to Mac, the actor won’t buy it. So he looks at the agent, asks for some oral confirmation, and references the title of Poison’s 1988 album, Open Up and Say…Ahh! Of course Runkle’s not up for the challenge, so he tells Mac he’s “not totally straight, because in prison I would probably be a total slut.” That’s not good enough, though, and he and Moody are immediately fired from the Cruising remake. But that opens up the season to let Moody work on a story inspired by his daughter, the newly interested-in-writing Becca. He justifies his creative change of heart by telling his ex, Karen, that he’s “relatively clean and soberish.” Next week we’ll see if that state of mind is permanentish.

All production stills by Jordan Althaus/SHOWTIME

REVOLVER What do you remember about the first time you saw him?
LARS ULRICH I had just never really seen anything quite like it. It was just unique and so original. And there was just this incredible stage presence and this uniqueness to the whole vibe. I had just never seen anything like it. It was new, it was different. And obviously you could tell there was an incredible ability, and there was a stage presence, and all this type of stuff wrapped up in this incredible type of personality. And I think we were a little intimidated by him in the beginning because he was just so unique.

But then as we got to know him a little bit, and I sort of started courting him to try and jump ship , then I started realizing he was a pretty chill dude. But he was also pretty firm on the fact that L.A. was not for him. ’Cause me and James were trying to get him to come down to L.A., and he just wasn’t into that. He was really rooted up here , he really was a kind of a Northern California…almost a hillbilly like. I mean, there’s a lot of different vibes up here, and there’s definitely a kind of unique vibe in Castro Valley and Hayward and stuff. And he was a real, really rooted where it came from. And he was probably, certainly speaking for myself, I was much more of a gypsy. When we traveled and stuff like that, he was the first guy to want to go home. And he was the one who was probably at the strongest of roots of all of us. He had family and kind of a history. Me and James were more loners.

He seems like he was laidback.
He didn’t hurt people. He didn’t cross the line, but he was certainly always up for being part of stirring some shit up. But more like a rascal point of view then someone who was out to hurt people. So it was more fun and games. He would fake fight or whatever, throw some kind of fake punches, but he would never throw any real punches. I don’t think I ever saw Cliff in a fight. I don’t think I ever saw Cliff get into heated exchanges or anything. I mean, he was a pretty chill guy. And it never got nasty or unpleasant.

What are your fondest memories of him?
My fondest memories of Cliff are his total disregard for convention and his total disregard for playing things out the way you expected them. He was up to challenge the normalcy, to challenge the status quo, to just fuck with things musically, attitude-wise—the way he dressed, the way he carried himself, his sense of humor, his relationship with the music that inspired him, the music that he played. It was always very unconventional, and it was very unusual. You could certainly argue that me and James at that time were more kind of the squarer guys, ’cause we were more like, “Motörhead, Iron Maiden!” Heavy metal T-shirts, and long hair and bang our heads into the wall. Cliff was just so fast in his palette of things that he was into and things that were inspiring him and the things that he was doing. So it was definitely his music, and his attitude, and his approach towards life that really inspired me and James to broaden our horizons, broaden Metallica’s horizons musically. So when I think of Cliff, that’s what I think…that’s just kind of variety and unpredictability, you know.

What are some of the bands he turned you on to?
First of all, he was classically trained and really knew his way around classical music. He actually studied classical music at college. So he’s sitting there talking about Johann Sebastian Bach, talking about some of these kind of cool classical things. And I had heard some of these words thrown around when Richie Blackmore was talking about his influences, but it was not something I had ever been exposed to.

Then he was also really…you know, this whole Southern thing. I mean, obviously I was aware of Skynyrd and had an appreciation for some of their heavier moments. But he was so immersed in Skynyrd and .38 Special and ZZ Top and the Allman Brothers and all of these things that kind of came in the wake of that Black Oak Arkansas. And the Outlaws and all that stuff, there was a whole kind of thing there.

He was also really into a lot of kind of progressive stuff like Yes, and Peter Gabriel, and a lot of f prog rock. And he was a hardcore Rush fanatic. Certainly I had an appreciation of Rush, but not to the level that he did. So there was a whole kind of array of things.

When I met Cliff in ’81, I had been through a lot of different musical experiences myself. But at that time, the things that were inspiring me to play music and so on were…I can’t say that Lynyrd Skynyrd was a particularly big inspiration for me to start playing drums. It was much more narrow. Iron Maiden and Deep Purple and Judas Priest and Diamond Head and Angel Witch, and the stories been told a thousand times. And the New Wave of British Heavy Metal stuff, and Cliff was just so wide in his scope. I played him Diamond Head. He liked some of their stuff, he liked some of Iron Maiden’s energy. He liked Witchfinder General, some of that stuff. But he also, he was a little more selective in what he liked, where me and James were more sort of like, Dude, the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, it rocks! Where some of it you can argue 20, 30 years later was not as good some of the other stuff. There were hit and misses in there.

But Cliff was sort of into Peter Gabriel, the Police. Some of the stuff, I mean, it wasn’t the enemy because I was aware of the fact that there was musical integrity there. But I can’t tell you I knew much about what the Police were doing other then five songs I’d heard on the radio. But all of the sudden, in between the Diamond Head tapes and the Iron Maiden tapes being played on the tour buses and in the shitty vans, the fuckin’ Police album Zenyattà Mondatta would come on. Or what was that Yes album? 90125 or whatever. Some of that stuff would come on. It would just be nice. He loved to play some early ZZ Top. I just didn’t really know my way around Tres Hombres or the rest of those albums until Cliff started pounding them in our direction.

What do you think of him when you look back at it all now?
He was really cool. It was, obviously other than losing a brother, it would’ve been the more… I would’ve been interested to see what else he could’ve contributed, because it felt like we were just getting started. We just started playing “Orion” again on the last run, in the last two weeks . So playing “Orion,” I think we played it like three times in the last two weeks. You sit there and all of a sudden go, Fuck! What a, just, incredible piece of music. And just so unique. And it would’ve been interesting to see what else would’ve been in that vast well of stuff that he could’ve shared with the rest of us. That will forever be the curiosity element. But I’m so glad that I got a chance to play with him for a couple, three years. And got a chance to know him, and got a chance to drink with him, and all the shenanigans that probably shouldn’t be printed in a nice, family publication like Revolver. But it definitely was a pretty nutty time, and at the time we certainly embraced what life was offering us. And accelerated it to a “mach 10,” as James used to say on stage.