REVOLVHER PRESENTS THE HOTTEST MEN IN THE NEW ISSUE!
I’d like to dedicate the January issue’s Hottest Men list to the female staff at Revolver's sister magazine Metal Hammer. These girls know their men. They have been kind enough to show me how hot the dude in Five Finger Death Punch really is—when he’s not covered in paint-ball armor, as in the new issue. So thank you ladies! It is up to us queens of metal print media to even the objectification playing field, so I appreciate any input. This month's list is full of dirty, dirty men—enjoy!
John Joseph, Cro-Mags (page 21)
Yeah, I dig 'em old n’ dirty with strong pipes.
Chris Barnes, Cannibal Corpse/Six Feet Under (page 55)
He is just way to pretty for death metal. He has a sick 'n’ twisted stoner brain, and he more-or-less invented gore metal. You all know I’m a slut for that shit.
Trey Azagthoth, Morbid Angel (page 54)
I think I just have a massive fetish for death-metal dudes, and this beast of a man drinks his own blood. Nothing says "freak in the sack" like blood sucking.
Robb Flynn, Machine Head (page 32)
OK, ladies: Here is your golden boy. I promised you ages ago that he would make a Hottest Men In Metal list, and I don’t lie. He is not only in the list looking mighty fine, but if you go and buy the January issue you will see him wakeboarding, his toned arms flexed and moist. I never thought much about Flynn until I saw these pics. Fucker is hot.
Darrell Roberts, Five Finger Death Punch (page 62)
I so didn’t want to include this band on my list. But then the girls at Metal Hammer sent over the pic you see here. Darrell looks way sexy when he isn’t clad in paint-ball armor. Long hair, muscle arms, a beard. I am sold. Thanks girls!
Eicca Toppinen, Apocalyptica (page 40)
Now this boy looks exactly like one of the dude’s from Every Mother’s Nightmare (a sleazy hair-metal band from my generation). Eicca looks totally corruptible and he plays cello! He probably has really strong fingers.