A good horror movie is hard to make — which hasn't stopped a whole lot of wannabe auteurs from trying. Once upon a time Rob Zombie was one of those wannabes, but fortunately for both his fans and fans of horror movies in general, he had the decency to go about it without rehashing every worn-out fright-flick cliché or thinking that an array of jump scares is enough to justify taking the average theatergoer's hard-earned dollars. The makers of the movies below did not have such decency — but, also fortunately for us, Zombie is here to call them out for it. (Don't miss his picks for the 5 Greatest Horror Movies.)
"This may be the worst movie ever committed to film. I found every single thing about it to be offensive, from top to bottom. You just stare at it in shock. I especially hate the fact they drop a Virgin Megastore product placement in the film every 10 seconds. It's just the most disgusting piece of shit I've ever seen. Dracula is a tough character to play, you've got to really bring something to the table, and I don't even remember the guy in this movie. Everything about this movie is complete horse shit."
"This was a 10th generation crappy Raiders of the Lost Ark rip-off. But I can't really pick it apart that closely because I couldn't get all the way through it. That, to me, is a sign of a bad movie."
"I picked this not because it's the worst film ever made, but because it's the most pointless film ever made. To take a perfect movie made by a genius, and remake it — that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life."
"When I saw Scream 2 on TV, I just hated it. Though it could have been Scream 3, I can't remember which one it was, and that's never a good sign. So I just decided it was Scream 2."
"Once again, dopey teen actors being menaced by ... what? The Morton's Fisherman guy? That's not a horror movie, that's barely a Nancy Drew mystery. Jennifer Love Hewitt would have to be riding on a pony stark naked to make this worthwhile."