Legend has it that several eons ago, a group of extraterrestrial scumdog rockers called Gwar made their way to our humble planet with one goal: total enslavement and destruction of the human race. The only problem? We humans had not yet evolved beyond single-celled organisms. So Gwar did what any practical-minded godlike beings would do under such circumstances: they took a million year nap.
"Even when I was asleep in Antarctica for millions of years, my nocturnal emissions were controlling the humans' dreams," Gwar leader Oderus Urungus says. "Ronald Regan was a pet project of mine, as well as Bob Hope, and George Bush—all great guys." In the last quarter century since Oderus & Co. awakened, they've kept busy by accumulating slaves, releasing noisy punk-metal records, and staging notoriously gory—and gooey—live shows. To celebrate Gwar's Silver Anniversary, the intergalactic rockers are releasing a new full-length, Lust in Space (Metal Blade), which is sure to distract us from our imminent destruction. Here, Oderus reveals some of his favorite discoveries from his time on earth.
FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR Ugandan Baby Brains
"Something about African infants has always been very delectable to me. It tastes like leopard, only saltier."
FAVORITE CIGARETTE Marlboro
"I'm a belching chimney of sulfurous industrial fumes. I also invented cancer. This is why we have one of our slave pits located in Richmond, Virginia, the cancer capital of the entire world and the home of Marlboro cigarettes. Nothing can give you cancer quicker than a Marlboro, not Gitanes, not Dunhill, and not even those weird electric cigarettes."
FAVORITE DRUG Crack
"There's nothing finer than crack. It's a gentleman's drug, and also a lunk-head and a scumbag's drug. I'll tell ya what the kids have today: They have glass pipes and they have works. Glass and jabbers. I had my glass and jabbers with me today, but the photographer made me take them out of the shot. But I try to look on the bright side: At least we got the cancer covered. I guess you could say the glass is half full, or the jabber is half full…with some junkie's blood and skag."
FAVORITE BODILY FLUID Phlegm
"I like the viscous phlegm of a cracked virgin. Or perhaps a baby's first shit. That's a pretty good fluid, too."
LEAST FAVORITE BODILY FLUID Saliva
"Saliva doesn't really do a lot. Let's see bile, or some bursting buboes, perhaps, simply because they're huge and agonizingly painful."
FAVORITE POLITICAL FIGURE Oderus Urungus
"I've pretty much done everything. I invented everyone from Mao Zedong to Grover Cleveland. Lately I've been a little disappointed about our political offerings, but one thing I can say about the new black president is that he's not white. The political world is a murky place and it's difficult to discern the truth, but the one thing we know is that the president is not white. That is a fact."
FAVORITE THING HE OWNS My Penis
"The thing that gives me the most joy in my life is my penis, the Cuttlefish of Chtulhu. I was about to say my portable PlayStation, but I have to go with penis. I love my cock! I also love my jabbers, my glass, my Rolex, my grill, my caddie, my boat… Actually all that crap is on fire. I hate all that junk and I don't even want it, and the people who do, suck. My music is about real things, like decapitation and having sex with animals."