"I've dealt with anxiety and depression for most of my life," says Trish Chisholm of The End of the Ocean. "I wanted to get involved with this series because it's something super personal to me that I don't really talk about." She's talking about Revolver's recurring "Songs for Black Days" column, presented in partnership with Hope for the Day, in which artists share the music that has helped them through dark times.
"Some people think seeking help somehow makes them weak, but therapy has changed my entire life," the post-rock guitarist continues. "It helped me out of my darkest days and I want people to know they can get help, too. If someone can relate to my experiences and help them not feel alone, then everything I've been through was worth it."
Below are Chisholm's songs for black days.
When I hear this song it reminds me of the time I spent at Teen Center, which was an after school space in Clawson, Michigan, where I met a lot of my good friends that I still have today. We would always listen and sing along to this song, so it brings back a lot of good memories for me. I truly think Teen Center is one of the reasons I got involved with playing music and it made me the person who I am today.
"Who You Love" reminds me of the day I came out to my best friend who I've known since kindergarten. I picked her up and told her, and she played this song and started singing it to me. It was a really funny and great moment because it was an emotional and scary moment for me, but she made me feel like I was normal. That was the first time I felt like I could be myself, and that everything was going to be OK.
Shortly after I graduated high school, I was trying to come to terms with being gay, and it really took a toll on my social life. For about a six-month period, I didn't leave my house, pushed everyone away and isolated myself. I would tell my parents I was going to see my friends, but instead I would just drive around or park in a parking lot. I would play this song on guitar in my room during that time and it felt like an escape for me. This whole album really impacted my life, and I still listen to it to this day.
We had just finished recording our new album -aire, and I was feeling really hopeful for the future. I got home and my parents sat me down and told me that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I cried myself to sleep every day even though they told me everything would be OK. "Supermarket Flowers" randomly came on, and it was about losing your mom and how to make peace with it. I'm not a religious person, but this made me hope that there is something out there for her sake. This song gave me comfort and helped me get through a really difficult time for my family and myself. Today, my mom is cancer-free and doing well!
A few years back, I lost my best friend growing up [to] an overdose. We used to sit in his garage together and listen to this album on repeat. Losing him showed me how quickly someone can leave your life and how fast things can change. We started to lose touch towards the end of his life. This made me realize that you should spend time with the people you love and reach out to them because you never know what can happen.
I really connect with the ending of this song. I always felt like if something were to happen to me, or if I stopped being friends with someone, they would be better off. It was hard for me to accept that people cared about me because I hated myself. I think that true happiness comes from accepting who you really are, which I realize now. You shouldn't surround yourself with people that make you feel worthless.
Towards the end of high school and a couple years after, I used to take pain pills when I was feeling down. It got to a point where I would even drink cough syrup and anything I could get my hands on. I related to this song because I would get mad at myself for doing these things because I knew they weren't helping. I would feel upset often because I couldn't accept myself for who I am, so I would try to numb myself. Listening to this song helped me realize that I wasn't alone and that other people go through the same situation.
This Will Destroy You was the band that really introduced me to post-rock. "Burial on the Presidio Banks" is my favorite instrumental song. I listen to it when I'm feeling low or upset because it gives me hope and brings me out of whatever I'm going through.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of resources.