Search Results for 'chris krovatin'

“Jeff Hanneman Arrives in Metal Heaven” by Contributing Writer Chris Krovatin

“Jeff Hanneman Arrives in Metal Heaven” by Contributing Writer Chris Krovatin

Read the novelist and metal musician’s tribute to the fallen Slayer guitarist

Revolver Writer Chris Krovatin Presents…The Grimmys!

As we all know, the Grimmys celebrates those artists in death and black metal who have proven themselves true soldiers in Night’s Army. We here in the Black Circle feel that in a genre of music so plagued by weekender dickheads, poser assholes, and prophets of false metal, it’s our duty to take a moment and honor those who use their extreme music, public persona, and capacity for blasphemy to leave a smoldering hoofprint on the face of music. Without these artists, metal music would descend into a mall-friendly Hell of crushed velvet jacket-wearing assholes and jewelry-obsessed mall metallers. Fie on it, we say! Metal is war, and extremity is our weapon.

We ask award-winners to refrain from weeping openly, as that is some total poser shit, and we had trouble cleaning the greasepaint off of the podium last year. We’d like to thank Gaahl for the pickled herring. And now…this year’s Grimmy Awards!

GUEST BLOGGER CHRIS KROVATIN: “A DAY IN METAL HEAVEN”

“Every night, there are three shows: an outdoor arena festival, a ballroom venue concert, and a shitty bar night with a stage barely two feet off the ground… If you time it right, you can catch three different Iron Maidens with three different singers in one night.”

GUEST BLOGGER CHRIS KROVATIN REVIEWS SLAYER’S “WORLD PAINTED BLOOD”

“This would be an awesome album to end a career on—not that this reporter wants it to be the last Slayer album.”

EDITORIAL INTERN CHRIS KROVATIN: FINAL SIX—THE SIX THINGS I WANT & DON’T WANT TO FIND UNDER MY CHR

Deep within the icy bowels of the Northlands, Klaus lashes the last of his fetid parcels to his flying doom-engine, known only as the Open Slay.

EDITORIAL INTERN CHRIS KROVATIN: FINAL SIX—THE SIX QUESTIONS I LOVE AND HATE TO BE ASKED ABOUT MET

“Well, that’s a tough one,” I said, “because you’re looking at two very different entities altogether here. Metallica are a band driven by very different motives from Slayer.

EDITORIAL INTERN CHRIS KROVATIN: FINAL SIX—THE SIX MOST METAL & LEAST METAL DRINKS

It’s my honest belief that if I stopped drinking tomorrow, I’d rot like a zombie left out in the sun.

EDITORIAL INTERN CHRIS KROVATIN: FINAL SIX—THE SIX METAL SONGS FOR TURNING YOURSELF ON & FOR TURNI

I need sex. I need it right now, dammit. Creepy, you say? Oh, you don’t even know.

EDITORIAL INTERN CHRIS KROVATIN: FINAL SIX—THE SIX BEST & WORST THINGS ABOUT BEING METAL INCARNATE

Since I was a little kid, I loved monster makeup. While other kids watched movies to see Harrison Ford or Sarah Michelle Gellar, I grabbed whichever film featured the newest works by Steve Johnson and Tom Savini.

EDITORIAL INTERN CHRIS KROVATIN: FINAL SIX—THE SIX BEST & THE SIX WORST RETARDED METAL BAND NAMES

I’m listening to a band named Beneath the Massacre right now. But really, what the fuck does it mean to be “beneath the massacre”?